Are you twins? The excuse she needs.

[Spacespice]

Name changed to protect identity.

I have a sister who is 12 months younger than me. It’s true that we look similar. Same blonde hair, same brown eyes. I don’t really see anything else that is the same. I’m also about 5 shades lighter than her, as she is more olive toned and I’m fair.

It seems people fall into two camps:
1: Oh my god are you twins
2: You two look nothing alike

The people in camp 1 really piss me off, because my sister is a big girl. Size 24 and carries it on her stomach, neck and tops of arms/legs. I am a size 10-12.

And whilst she has an issue with food, I, knowing I also carry the weight gain gene, make a conscious effort to stay in shape for my height of 5’8. Oh I’m also about 4 inches taller than my sister.

If they said ‘hey, you guys look really similar, you share the same hair/eyes/lips/teeth/insert other feature here’ well that’s not a problem. I think she’s gorgeous.

But twins? Really?

It really triggers my annoyance, probably more so because she responds by looking us both up and down and saying ‘I can’t need to lose that much then’ but she does, she doesn’t see how big she’s getting! And I’m terrified because she isn’t healthy and it might not sound like it from this post, but I love her. I want her to lose weight.

For information. I don’t tell her she needs to lose weight. I just say things like ‘Hey want to come to the gym with me?’ Or ‘Oh I have this recipe for a delicious meal; it’s super light too! Wanna come over and try it?’ Or even ‘Fancy walking in the Forest with me, I’m a bit scared to do it on my own’.

Advice appreciated and if I’m being a brat, you can let me know.

Well who needs enemies with a sister like you

I’m afraid your faux-concern about your sister’s ’health’ isn’t remotely convincing when you’ve just spent several paragraphs saying how insulted you are when people say you look similar.

Your sister’s weight is none of your fucking business and you aren’t going to catch fat from her. Your obvious hang-ups about weight aren’t her problem and it’s not her problem that you’re embarrassed to have a fat sister.

The reason you want your sister to lose weight is not because you care about her health but because when you look at her (or people say you look alike) you’re essentially seeing what you would look like if you gained weight, and that terrifies you because clearly your entire self worth is tied up in being thin. Again, this is your issue, not your sister’s. You need therapy.

"She definitely sees this as also being weight related as she will comment that she doesn’t need to do anything. That’s what annoys the most."

It annoys you because pat yourself on the back for controlling your eating with your 'super light' eating. Your sister knows you have a hang up about weight and is using this as payback for all your suggestions that are basically calling her fat.

Maybe stop offering these suggestions and let your sister be?

I don't see your issue sorry. You can be twins without being the same size.

Get over yourself - no one in the world is under any obligation to be able to tell the two of you apart - except maybe your parents!

Many people are poor at recognition - I am one of them. Huff and puff all you like, it is never going to change

It wasn’t my intention to fat shame or seem superior. I was just trying to pre-empt the questions that might come later e.g. what size are you to criticise her? I wanted to give the full picture.

Apologies if that’s how it’s come across and if I’ve offended anyone.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a bit bigger, but there’s a difference between being overweight and obesity.

As for my ‘subtle comments’ to her. I genuinely thought they were subtle. I didn’t want to be brutal.

If there’s another way, I’m happy to be advised.

Ok so you’re only interested in other people’s bodies then. Got it.

and OP, even thought I’ve never seen you, I think you and your sister look IDENTICAL as well! 😇

I think you’re getting a hard time OP. I wouldn’t like being told I looked the same as someone who is a size 24 and I don’t think many people who are not over weight would.

I’d stop encouraging your sister to lose weight though, you’re not being as subtle as you think you are. And if she was bothered she’d do something to lose weight herself.

Your sisters comments on hearing that people think you look the same is just her way of dealing with the obvious that she is fat and you are thin. It can’t be any nicer for her to feel that people are comparing you than it is for you. You sound like you have issues or insecurities around weight, which is understandable even if you are slim, and that is why these comments bother you. No one is saying anything negative and the people that pick up on how similar you look are probably referring to things like expressions or mannerisms you have that are similar rather than things like your size or skin tone.

"As a child I was bigger than most. In my teens I took control of it."

I think this is your problem, you're terrified you'll lose control and gain weight. Whether you meant it or not your posts are smug and you feel better than your sister because you 'took control' in your teens.

Does this control make you miserable so you latch onto being slim to feel better?

DD1 is extremely skinny, brown hair, brown eyes, darker skin
DD2 is broader and stockier (not fat, as in bone structure), paler skin, lighter hair.

They often get mistaken for each other. If there together its obvious... but with just one people say they look uncannily similar

Its only stopped now as DD2 has short hair!

The wierd thing is putting photos of them, with childhood photos of me, mu cousin, and my aunt... again people struggle. My aunt and my mother can't pick out whose who from me and my cousin! .

So the looking alike thing is deeper than the superficial hair, weight etc.

Yes, you’re being a brat and the wording of your post is not nice in the slightest - I think you need to reflect on why you feel so het up about weight and appearances and also, stop being so bloody judgemental of your poor sister.

Thank you both. It’s clear I need to reevaluate my reaction and approach.

I agree with everything you say here, apart from your last paragraph.

She knows how big she is! Fat people know they are fat. Unless you have a mental illness, you can look in the mirror and see your size. No need for someone else to have a conversation with her about it. When she’s ready to tackle it, she will. Nobody ever got thinner because someone (apart from a medical professional) told them they should.

Op, many women on here appear to be overweight:obese so any comment perceived as being anti fat will have them being very hostile to you.

I understand. Asking if you're twins when you are very physically unalike when your sister is obese must feel insulting.

People do lose weight successfully when supported to do so by those close to them.

They mean you look like you are the same age, not that you have the same body type. It's entirely possible for identical twins to be of completely different sizes due to health and weight issues. I'm surprised this concept hasn't occurred to you, as it seems obvious.

But only if they want to. Not because their sister told them they should!

"if I’m being a brat, you can let me know."

You're being a brat.

Fair enough. I clearly need to reflect.

Twins can be different sizes. I assume you'd prefer them to say "You would look like twins, except you're slim and your sister's huge."

Are you for real?

OP, if your sister is a size 24, there's no way she's mistakenly believing that she's your size. People who are that size don't get a minute to forget it. She'll be reminded of it every time she gets dressed/walks up stairs/feels guilty eating in front of other people/gets ignored/sees any form of social media....

Give her some credit. She's making light of a difficult situation.

Twins don't have to be identical......have you thought about talking to someone?