Invited to celebrate my twin sisters birthday

[Megssy]

Just that really...

Having a weekend away for our 40 th next year. Same group of friends and obviously same family. But my friends keep referring to it as my twin sisters birthday and not mine 🤔. Tonight a joint friend said we would have to have a drink at a later date since we were going away for my twin sister's birthday. Im super irritated by this. Aibu? It's weird right?

For back ground we have a strained relationship but despite this have a very close (or so I thought) set of friends and always kept are issues separate

The only reason I can think for the distinction is that she is inviting her in-laws. But I said not to invite mine as they live 200 miles away

And this needs to be nipped in the bud otherwise the weekend will be insufferable for you. Celebrating her, presents for her, cheers to her etc while you sit there and do what? Seethe? Cry? Resent her?

Sort it out now to avoid future issues.

Organise your own party, and enjoy both

Maybe just have a little think what it is that you are actually worried about here.

That all the friends condone that you get ignored on your birthday?
That she steals your friends?
That she/they don’t actually like you?

Your not being unreasonable but your not going to change your sister. If I were you I wouldn’t go. Enjoy your birthday with your family, and arrange a dinner party with your friends. I’d come up with an excuse about having just had baby. The emotions around your situation are complicated and entrenched. You don’t need to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation just to have a few drinks and a laugh. I wouldn’t even give your sister the satisfaction of knowing she has affected you. Good luck with however you proceed.

As a twin, I get it. If both twins are going to be at the party i would assume it would be a joint celebration. My twin and I don’t really celebrate/see each other on our birthday as much anymore now we are older, even though we’re very close; but if we were going to be together that day, it would be a joint event.

Keep focusing on making new friends and keep quiet about it.
Keep your business to yourself.
Stop hosting and paying for everything, take a step back.
She has organised her birthday away, decide if you want to go or use the baby as excuse not to.
If you do go, plaster a smile on and just get on with it.
Organise something for yourself in your home on your terms.
But really focus on carving out a new set of friends, you will be much happier for it.

Is there a group WhatsApp for the event? If so I would just pop a message on their saying ‘I just to clarify that this trip to a JOINT birthday celebration!

That could come across like @Megssy was angling for a present ....

Find new friends

Find some more intelligent friends, they're clearly not the brightest bunch.

I can't tell from your posts if you've ever said out loud to anyone else (other than your sister) that it's your birthday party too. If you've not been correcting people when they've said it's your sister's birthday party then you need to step up and let people know. Stop being "awkward" - it's not an excuse.

I’d not go, ‘Sorry, Tom is whisking me away to the Cotswolds/Paris/anywhere for the weekend to celebrate. We must set up something when we get back.’

That way your DSis will have to spend the whole night explaining to everyone where you are.

Assuming you have a group chat with all friends & your Sister in it, I'd message asking everyone 'What's everyone wearing for OUR birthday party?' or 'How's everyone getting to OUR birthday party?' something general but letting them know its a joint party for you both.