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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invited to celebrate my twin sisters birthday

138 replies

Megssy · 21/07/2024 02:02

Just that really...

Having a weekend away for our 40 th next year. Same group of friends and obviously same family. But my friends keep referring to it as my twin sisters birthday and not mine 🤔. Tonight a joint friend said we would have to have a drink at a later date since we were going away for my twin sister's birthday. Im super irritated by this. Aibu? It's weird right?

For back ground we have a strained relationship but despite this have a very close (or so I thought) set of friends and always kept are issues separate

The only reason I can think for the distinction is that she is inviting her in-laws. But I said not to invite mine as they live 200 miles away

OP posts:
Werweisswohin · 21/07/2024 06:41

Is she hosting or are you both hosting? If it's the former then it is her party.

FunIsland · 21/07/2024 06:45

There’s been another thread like this, I can’t remember the outcome but there might be some useful suggestions on there (although I’m rubbish at searching so will be no help finding it).

Jk987 · 21/07/2024 06:49

Did your twin sister organise the whole thing? That might be why.

Were the invites from her or both of you?

ricecrispiecakes · 21/07/2024 06:51

Just because you're twins doesn't mean everything has to be joint.

Did she agree to a joint party?

Singleandproud · 21/07/2024 06:52

Unless you are co-hosting and organising then I think they are right.If you just happen to be there but your sister has done all the invites etc then you are just siblings that happen to share a birthday.

I'm assuming tangible invites weren't sent out but a text and if that said "Hi guys, I'd love you to celebrate my 40th with me, I've hired out X house for a weekend a way." Then it's her party you happen to be going to, if it was something like "Hi guys Megssy and I would love you to join us at X house to celebrate our 40th" where it's explicitly your celebration too then they are being very weird.

Seeingadistance · 21/07/2024 07:02

Are they not just joking?

beebopdoobop · 21/07/2024 07:04

Are they expecting you to have a separate birthday celebration? That's the only reason I can think of.

Why, just out of interest, do you have the same set of friends? Do you (both) have non joint friends?

BippityBopper · 21/07/2024 07:08

Singleandproud · 21/07/2024 06:52

Unless you are co-hosting and organising then I think they are right.If you just happen to be there but your sister has done all the invites etc then you are just siblings that happen to share a birthday.

I'm assuming tangible invites weren't sent out but a text and if that said "Hi guys, I'd love you to celebrate my 40th with me, I've hired out X house for a weekend a way." Then it's her party you happen to be going to, if it was something like "Hi guys Megssy and I would love you to join us at X house to celebrate our 40th" where it's explicitly your celebration too then they are being very weird.

Yes, we need clarity on this.

RunningThroughMyHead · 21/07/2024 07:10

I'm guessing your sister organised it and sent invites?

standardmum · 21/07/2024 07:14

If I were you and the situation is I understand it, I would politely excuse myself from the upcoming weekend celebrations at this point and work on making some new friends of my own. No need to fall out with your joint friends but this all seems a bit silly and complicated to me!
I have a very strained relationship with one of my siblings and distancing myself from him has been the way forward for me.

GRex · 21/07/2024 07:22

It sounds like your sister has arranged her own party, and has invited everyone "please come to my birthday". It's confusing why you think it is your party too, just because you're sisters. It would have been nice for her to be noble and include you, but after 40 years maybe she fancied one party that was just for her, and that should be ok. The problem is that you have just assumed she MUST share, is that because your parents always enforced that when you were little? It would be good to ask her if it could please be a joint party and take on a fair share of the arrangements, but you'll have to be prepared to be gracious if she says no.

DoAClassicCamel · 21/07/2024 07:34

Tonight a joint friend said we would have to have a drink at a later date since we were going away for my twin sister's birthday. Im super irritated by this.

What did you reply? As a twin myself I would have had to say something.

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 21/07/2024 07:35

If you are going away for the weekend why does it matter where your in-laws live, they can surely "go away" too for that weekend? If I was your in-law and found out that you, my DiL, were having a joint party - whether home or away - with your twin sister, and that she was inviting her in-laws, I would feel incredibly upset that I wasn't invited too.

I don't think that you should decide for your in-laws about whether they want to go away that weekend or not - they can always say "no thank you" if there are any particular difficulties in them getting away. Maybe your overall pattern of behaviour can throw a light on to why these difficulties with your DSis and friends are happening?

Zonder · 21/07/2024 07:36

You need to speak to your twin and get them to correct everyone. Otherwise you will have a miserable weekend watching her opening all her presents and being celebrated.

Werweisswohin · 21/07/2024 07:50

Zonder · 21/07/2024 07:36

You need to speak to your twin and get them to correct everyone. Otherwise you will have a miserable weekend watching her opening all her presents and being celebrated.

But is OP actually hosting too or just tagging herself on to a party which her sister is organising/hosting?

Izzynohopanda · 21/07/2024 07:54

Is your sister doing all the organising and calling it as her birthday party, rather than organising it on behalf of both of you, and calling it ‘Twin and Meg’s’ birthday party?

Meadowwild · 21/07/2024 07:56

Isn't it just a reflection of who is organising the party? If you invited everyone and booked the venue or hosted, it would be your birthday celebration, surely.

Lemony3 · 21/07/2024 07:58

Has she sent out actual invites in the post or something along those lines? But not told you. I would be responding each time - we are twins it’s a joint birthday. Did you forget??

Meadowwild · 21/07/2024 07:58

GRex · 21/07/2024 07:22

It sounds like your sister has arranged her own party, and has invited everyone "please come to my birthday". It's confusing why you think it is your party too, just because you're sisters. It would have been nice for her to be noble and include you, but after 40 years maybe she fancied one party that was just for her, and that should be ok. The problem is that you have just assumed she MUST share, is that because your parents always enforced that when you were little? It would be good to ask her if it could please be a joint party and take on a fair share of the arrangements, but you'll have to be prepared to be gracious if she says no.

I agree with this. If you want a birthday celebration, organise one. She is organising her own birthday celebration. The fact yours is on the same day doesn't mean it has to default to joint party if she is the one who made the effort to organise. There are twins in our family and they always organise completely separate celebrations, to the extent that I often forget they are twins. It's fine to want to celebrate in your own right and not always be lumped with someone else. I think you need to organise a 40th bash of your own.

Zonder · 21/07/2024 08:01

Werweisswohin · 21/07/2024 07:50

But is OP actually hosting too or just tagging herself on to a party which her sister is organising/hosting?

Show quote history

It doesn't sound like OP is clear on this, and organising a big party for all their friends and family for just herself would reflect badly on the twin so she needs to have a conversation with her.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 21/07/2024 08:04

It is awkward, but if she is organising it and invited everyone and planned everything...what did the invites say? And did you guys never say "Hey, our 40th is coming up. What should we do?" Have you organised a separate party for the friends who aren't shared with your sister, and your husband's side of the family?

Werweisswohin · 21/07/2024 08:07

Zonder · 21/07/2024 08:01

It doesn't sound like OP is clear on this, and organising a big party for all their friends and family for just herself would reflect badly on the twin so she needs to have a conversation with her.

Show quote history

Siblings don't always get on well or have to do things together - that includes twins.

Werweisswohin · 21/07/2024 08:08

Lemony3 · 21/07/2024 07:58

Has she sent out actual invites in the post or something along those lines? But not told you. I would be responding each time - we are twins it’s a joint birthday. Did you forget??

Is it a joint birthday celebration though?

Zonder · 21/07/2024 08:15

Werweisswohin · 21/07/2024 08:07

Siblings don't always get on well or have to do things together - that includes twins.

Show quote history

Of course. But it seems very odd if one twin would invite all their friends and family to celebrate just their birthday. And odd of the guests to go along with that.

itsgettingweird · 21/07/2024 08:21

I'd just reply every single time "you do know what being twins is right?"

Hopefully the Penny will drop!

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