Invited to celebrate my twin sisters birthday

[Megssy]

Just that really...

Having a weekend away for our 40 th next year. Same group of friends and obviously same family. But my friends keep referring to it as my twin sisters birthday and not mine 🤔. Tonight a joint friend said we would have to have a drink at a later date since we were going away for my twin sister's birthday. Im super irritated by this. Aibu? It's weird right?

For back ground we have a strained relationship but despite this have a very close (or so I thought) set of friends and always kept are issues separate

The only reason I can think for the distinction is that she is inviting her in-laws. But I said not to invite mine as they live 200 miles away

What penny though?

Depends on what the invites said.

Why is it odd?

That’s true but if both twins are at the birthday celebration it would be extremely rude as well as weird not to acknowledge one of the twins.

It sounds from your post as though she is organising it and doing the invitations?

It seems odd to suggest that the OP's sister can't possibly have her own birthday celebration.

I’d actually be quite wary of not lumping twins together if one was having a party/trip as I know many get sick of this

Well, did you help organise it?

My twins will be 27 this year, and though they are very close, one is very type A while the other is more type B. Twin A is very much the organiser and when an event is intended to celebrate the both of them, it is super obvious. As is when an event is strictly for him. Namely because he'd expect his brother to help with the preperations and plans for events that he wants to be recognised in. There is no room for misinterpretation and I can't imagine Twin A responding positively to Twin B trying usurp events and parties that are intended to be only for him because Twin B is too lazy to organise his own or just expected that it is Twin A's job to do everything for him because he's already doing it for himself. And again, they have no issues. You couldn't find two closer people.

You are individual people before you are twins.

@Werweisswohin and @ZiriForGood don't you think one twin inviting all their friends and family, most shared with the other twin, to celebrate the birthday of just her and not her sister, is making quite a statement? This is more than not just getting on.

It would be different if they had very different circles.

As a twin all I can say is that if you are going away for a birthday weekend with your twin for it to not be acknowledged would be extremely strange. If you don’t want to celebrate with your twin then don’t invite them but you can’t invite them to celebrate with you and ignore that it’s their birthday too. Until 19 my twin and I shared every birthday celebration but as we have gotten older and the parties fewer there have been times where we haven’t been together which is perfectly fine. But if we going to the other one’s party regardless of who organised it we would come together for the ‘happy birthdays’, cake cutting or any type of speech or thanks.

Acknowledge yes, but if she isn't hosting it isn't her party and she won't be treated as if it is.

I share my birthday with my twin brother and my husband and its always "our birthday' .People often forget though as its not that usual for three people to have a birthday on the same day.

Perhaps the organising twin is fed up with being 'the organiser'? Who knows? There's clearly more to this.

Why would it reflect badly? They're twins, not a monolith.

It's not the twins thing, it's that they would have broadly the same guest list, from what OP said. If I had a close friend whose birthday was the same as mine and we had the same friend circle I'd speak to them about joint. Unless I didn't get on with them in which case I wouldn't be friends with them.

As a twin myself I'd say it's simply that they see you as individuals , not one joint identity.
So 2 people, 2 celebrations.

I'd be cross too. We had a break for my 40th years ago and it was planned for ages. By the time we got there one friend was getting married so it turned into her hen party! So much so she was planning on henanniversary trips for the following years. No not doing that.

It is either recognised it's to celebrate your birthday as well or I wouldn't go.

But if said friend just showed up on the day and assumed/expected that they could usurp your party while contributing absoloutely nothing to the planning, arrangements, or expense?

This is where a lot of resentment between twins begin. The expectation that they can never have anything of their own and one inevitably always ends up doing the majority of the labor while the other gets to sit back and reap all the benefits with none of the stress or expense. That's why from their first birthday, my twins (and I have two pairs) always recieved their own birthday cakes. They're allowed to have their own things.

Sounds like someone is deliberately excluding you. Is your twin spiteful, jealous or bitchy? Is a friend doing the planning and decided to arrange it in a way that seems your twin is the only person getting the attention. Tbh if this was me I’d get to the bottom of it and go for a weekend away with different family/friend. Cba with this drama. Enjoy your birthday, your twin sounds difficult.

I was about to say the same. It sounds like she has organised it and invited everyone and you are just turning up?

do they actually sat "twin sister when referring to said celebration or just sister ? Just say "you do realise we're twins so it's my birthday too !"

Agree with a PP. Twins are individuals first. If she has set, organised, and paid for the party then it’s her party and you are a guest in the same way that a sister would be a guest. There is no obligation on her to make it a joint party unless that’s what you agreed. If you have been involved in the planning and payment then yes, it is very off.

If your sister has organised it all and invited people then it's her party.

If you've been involved in the planning the invites should have said celebrate OUR party. How did the decision not to invite your ILs come up? Did you work out the guest list together, or did your sister plan it saying she was going to ask your ILs to come, and you said not to invite them?

It seems unhealthy to have not got at least some separate friends by 40. Do you just assume that you are a package deal for every aspect of your life? Do either of you have partners?

You could organise another party which is entirely yours. Perhaps a day out somewhere? If the weekend away is HER party I think you need to be gracious about letting her have that event and not diverting attention to yourself.

If your sister organised this weekend party away for her birthday and is making it clear it's for her celebration just organise a separate event for your birthday celebration maybe organise a party then weekend before or after the weekend away. Your twin doesn't like sharing it seems.

Sounds like you weren't originally going to be invited?