DH is eating cereal and I want to kill him

[annonymousse]

Obviously this is lighthearted but jeez the crunching and slurping is unreal.

I was watching a podcast a couple of years ago which mentioned 'bloke sounds'. And now I can't unhear how frequently men feel free to groan or sniff or clear their throats. I swear to god women don't do it half as much.

I absolutely hate this. It's fine if we are both eating but if it's just him slurping the milk, clanging the bowl, eating an apple right next to me and I have to give him the look.

Yes!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣 Why do they do that???

Just to put a further thought in your mind, I’ve just crunched and slurped a bowl of cereal then drunk the leftover milk out of the bowl 😂😂
pretty sure there’s a place in hell reserved for me !!!!

That’s because many men feel the need to do everyday things loudly and performatively. It’s all about the attention. Look at me! Look at ME!

I can never spend more than a few minutes in the sauna (any gym, anywhere) because there will ALWAYS be a bloke groaning, sighing, slapping his thighs, etc. Women don't do it, strangely.

We're an ND household and we all eat dinner with our loop ear plugs - highly recommended!

A past acquaintance used to stuff his mouth with food like a hamster, chew noisily, then swallow three times. There was so much in his mouth he couldn’t even swallow the whole lot. Three times it took. Always three. Then he’d start piling the food in again.

Don't do it. Think about how many people you'll have to listen to eating cereal in prison. 😁

Add in the low level "mmmMMmm" muttering to the mix and I'm out of there.
Our patio is quite new but the stair carpet looks a bit loose....

Have you ever watched Everybody Loves Raymond?
There's a whole thing about the brother having this habit of touching his chin with the spoon every time before he eats the cereal.
Apparently it was something the actor did so they wrote it in 😂

I have found my people.
The sound of my husband eating crisps makes me murderous.
The whole drama of it.

Its the clatter of the spoon against the bowl that drives me nuts

(Of course we are all perfect )

Is he banging the spoon off the bowl too? 😡

As someone on the She's Eaten Him thread would advise, ETB.

I feel stabby just reading that, gross.

Oh god I'm with you op. Dh somehow manages to leave bits of granola on the floor, as he eats it standing up in the kitchen. I keep standing on it, ow, then realise what it is! He denies all knowledge of it, and is a repeat offender! The clanging of the spoon as well; I'm surprised my bowls aren't cracked!

I get uncontrollable rage when people eat loudly / slurp loudly / crunch loudly. As I type I'm sitting on a train and there's a lady loudly eating an apple 😩😩😩

Can sympathise OP. Just one of the eleventy billion reasons my ex no longer lives in my house. He used to have to turn his fork at an angle to get the ‘far too big for one mouthful’ amount of food in his mouth. He’d then smack his lips all over the place while he was chewing.
He also used to drink far too much cherry brandy, rinsing it round his mouth before swallowing.
Surprisingly, after 8 years, he’s still single!!! 🤣

Oh, and slightly off topic, but people who scrape the toast instead of spreading the butter on. Dh will make such a dramatic scene, toast crumbs all over, and just scrape the butter on, and then the bits get all in with the butter. The scraping noises, why can't he just spread it on, takes seconds!

I have a visceral reaction to anyone eating cereal. I can’t be in the room at breakfast time.

Other eating sounds, general mouth noises really annoy me but for some reason cereal makes me disproportionately angry.

Is he the man who sat the oposite side, three desks away from me on Wednesday?

I get that an apple is crunchy, I actually don't mind the sound of someone wating an apple. I shouldn't be able to hear anyone eating a sandwich from ten feet away.

YANBU!

I feel your pain. DH is the loudest eater on the planet! I don't actually understand how someone can make so much noise when they eat. I'm sure it's a man thing aswell, because my male colleagues also can't keep their fucking mouths shut when they eat either 😡

If the crunching is excessive are you sure he’s not eating a free gift in the cereal packet ?