Skinny privilege

[Chatterbox98]

Like most people my weight has gone up and down. I am currently bigger than I am happy with ( working on changing this) however I have noticed that people do look and seem to treat you differently when slightly bigger. I never believed skinny privilege was a thing but I think it absolutely is.

Just wondered others thoughts or am just sensitive as currently not happy with how I feel and look.

yabu - its not a thing get over yourself
yanbu - it is a thing

I had the opposite experience. I have anorexia and I got comments to my face of ‘you’re too thin, you look awful etc’ that wouldn’t be said to a heavier person. I actually did say to my hairdresser who was obese one time when he said to me I had gotten too thin and looked awful that he had put on weight and everyone was like oh you can’t say that. Double standards.

i’m always a size 6 and when I got pregnant I gained 4 stone so was a 10 after I had the baby and was heavy for me and my sister in laws were nice to me for the first time ever when I was heavier and kept saying ‘ah you’ll never lose it, good luck getting into the size 6s again’ etc. when I was back down to a size 6 after 6 months, they’ve been so nasty again. I think they found comfort in each other (all heavier women) that they all didn’t get back down to their pre baby sizes with at least a stone extra on and kept comforting each other that you can never lose the last stone etc but I did and they hate it.

You make very good points here.
However, having been both fat & thin I think it's both.

you have every option to lose the weight

how lacking in empathy can you get!

there are multiple different reasons why people carry weight where they don't have "every option" to lose weight (medication side effects, depression, medical conditions, poor lifestyle working 3 jobs to make ends meet, need I go on).

Thank goodness you explained that people can just 'lose the weight.' 🙄

I guess it depends on the work. I have worked in schools with some very large staff who can’t physically act very quickly or work at low tables with young chn. That can be annoying.

https://www.economist.com/films/2023/06/02/can-being-thinner-make-women-richer?utmmedium=cpc.adword.pd&utmmsource=google&ppccampaignID=18156330227&ppcadID=&utmcampaign=a.22branddpmax&utmcontent=conversion.direct-response.anonymous&gaddsource=1&gbraid=0AAAAADf4Abakr-ttw9lQiMfITw9m7Dzro&gclid=Cj0KCQjwwO20BhCJARIsAAnTIVSMlSi-h-iSBiFG9vU9aVeP4r7FoqiijfF7XtNNn4UTGCDySWzoyIaAn3mEALwwwcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

Found the article if it's of interest

I think its more how you feel about yourself when you at your ideal weight. When you feel good about yourself and you are happier and smilier so people respond positively to that....

People who say you can just lose the weight have never had a weight problem. I don’t think I’ll ever be the correct BMI and I have really battled this.

Yes to being overlooked at work. I was never that confident - maybe that is something about me anyway - but the weight has made me more aware of how absurd I seem. The women are the worst - poking fun if I’m eating a salad.

Yes to being treated badly by medics. I fear them. I know they will only go on about my weight and so I avoid any treatment.

On the other hand I am older now and I am noticing that some of the beautiful people of my youth have had more medical problems than me. Some died young. It’s not as nailed-on as anyone thinks that they are the healthiest.

I am fat but otherwise healthy, fingers crossed!

I think it depends on the kind of skinny. I'm the kind of skinny that looks a bit wrong and frail. So I sometimes feel people are prejudiced against me on appearance. I think some suspect I'm a class A drug addict or criminal.
When I was normal/a bit overweight I was treated a lot more respectfully by strangers, and had attention from men, which I never ever get now. So I'd say people are prejudiced on appearance. I'd imagine if you were very big you'd also be somewhat looked down upon.
It's really sad some people can be so shallow.

I would certainly agree that if you're a young, attractive woman you can get strangers (especially men) falling over themselves to be nice to you/buy you a drink etc. That's about attractiveness though.

We're not all born exactly equal, that's just life. I don't see the point in going on about it, you're not going to make someone attracted to you by complaining at them! And that stunning woman might have lost both her parents or just been diagnosed with cancer or just generally have a more difficult life than us - we can never know what am individual is struggling with.

Regarding losing weight, I understand that it is easier for some people than others and that accessing accurate advice can be difficult. However, I stand by my statement that weight is under your control. Everyone can lose weight. For some they can just cut out sugar in their coffee and lose weight. For others it might take more significant changes like intermittent fasting or whatever. Maybe even meditation (stress and lack of sleep can lead to weight gain as well). Some people might have to be extra careful due to an eating disorder and would have to seek lots of support while dieting.

Either way, if you get down to it, if you don't eat you will lose weight. If we were all transported back to 500 years ago we would lose weight. If we had a private chef cooking us nutritionally balanced meals we would lose weight.

For some, life is too busy to spend ages figuring out weight loss. Fair enough. Prioritising looking after kids or wanting to use any free time on a fun hobby or just relaxing is of course ok. But someone who decided to prioritise their weight, read up on the subject, changed their entire lifestyle etc would indeed lose weight.

I admit I have been very judgmental about overweight people because I am one. I was quite obsessed with the fact everyone would think I'm incompetent that it led me to start believing it myself. I hate that I have issues with food and it's still embarrassing literally wearing your personal problems for the world to see but I have started to forgive myself for my flaws.

I do think @DeedlessIndeed makes a good point though. When I (briefly) lost lots of weight I exuded confidence and it came back to me in positive interactions, harmless flirting etc. I noticed the difference in treatment more from women though, like they were really happy for me to look so well, especially good looking women, it was like I was being inaugurated into a club for a while. I admit I loved it, superficial or not.

With such a positive experience it begs the question why I got fat again! But that's a very complicated issue and for another thread.

Privilege has become a really weird word. 💀

Things that have never happened to me as a fat person: Men chatting me up, free drinks from anywhere etc. Seems to be something that happens to slim women a lot.

It absolutely is a thing! As an adult I have been everything between a size 8 and a size 22. Currently somewhere in the middle. I have an underactive thyroid and losing weight is a major battle. When I’m bigger people assume that I am lazy and Unhealthy although actually i’m a very active person (gym, swimming and walking most days).
This isn’t to say that I don’t get attention from men; I have done at every size. I find it is mainly women that treat me negatively.

For some they can just cut out sugar in their coffee and lose weight.

Hahahahhahahhahahah! I’ve not had sugar in my tea or coffee for 40yrs and have been fat the entire time! People do have different metabolic rates. Put me in a famine situation and no doubt I’d be slimmer but that’s not something you should wish on anyone.

I'm saying you can just lose the weight and I went from an obese BMI to a healthy weight. If someone decides to prioritise it, they can lose weight. Many people have other priorities in life (all perfectly valid) and so won't lose weight. That's fine. But it's unreasonable to think you can succeed at something quite difficult when you're not giving it your full attention. If you change your whole lifestyle, you can lose weight. If you don't want to change your lifestyle then that's perfectly understandable. It doesn't mean that you can't lose weight though, it means you can't make the changes necessary.

Another of these 'journalists' fishing for a silly article for the summer season?

DP thinks he was treated differently when he was morbidly obese but I wonder if he gave off a different vibe because he hated himself. Given that the majority of people are at least overweight in the UK now and it is the norm I'd expect it to not really be a thing.

I’m probably a stone over a weight I feel comfortable with, so not feeling brilliant about myself but my experience is the total opposite.

Up until my 40s I was always skinny. People could be extremely rude, virtually asking if I had an eating disorder (lady working behind the counter at the pharmacy) health visitor telling the group of new mums (but I believe it was aimed at me) that we also need to look after ourselves and make sure we were eating three good meals a day - this is when the baby weight fell off me very quickly and she’d only seen me 3 stone heavier after having DS. There are many more examples.

Now in my 50s and I am heavier, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease 8 years ago and take regular medication to keep it at bay. Also most likely going through the menopause (have mirena coil fitted so no periods for years FAB) so I am cutting myself some slack here, but for me, my current weight almost makes me more acceptable in society if that makes sense. No snide remarks, jealousy even, maybe.

So my experience is the total opposite.

A colleague at work was obese and had a very bad case of COVID, was in a medically induced coma for months. Lost all the weight during it.

And apparently the world record for fasting is 382 days without food (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angus_Barbieri%27s_fast).

Obviously not ideal to say the least but yes, if we don't eat we lose weight.

So true. My friend is like this, she has a gaunt face too. Although I am fat I'm invisible I have never had drunk assholes tell me to fatten up. Even friends comment on her food, if she is eating salad someone will tell her she needs to eat more, if she eats a burger someone will say 'where do you put it all'. She can't win and there is little sympathy there from women who mostly see her as lucky.

I have a friend who is a larger lady, she always dresses beautifully, hair and make up well done (think Glenda on Corrie)
She has never been short of male attention , offered drinks and asked out on dates. I used to be quite envious tbh 😬 she was quite a bubbly and confident person and now thinking about it it's probably her good grooming and confidence that draws people to her. Which reminds me.inhavent seen her for a few years, must get in touch!

@BobbyBiscuits I used to be naturally very thin. People were obsessed with what I ate. If I was off I'll from work, the first question would be 'are you eating properly?' As for medical professionals, I used to have the depo contraceptive injection and I well remember standing on the scales and the nurse saying, accusingly, 'you have lost a pound since last time. Why?'. Good grief, if I had had an eating disorder, I certainly wouldn't have opened up about it after being spoken to like a naughty child.
There's a perfect point at which there might be some privilege, maybe if you are pretty as well. I wasn't. Had abuse in the street ranging from 'should've been born a man' to the outright 'sorry, love, you are really ugly' said to me by a total stranger in the street, and it was a woman as well. I have had a lot of side-eye about being married to a decent looking bloke. Been told directly I am 'punching above my weight'. Had people actually surprised that he's my husband. Well, maybe he isn't a shallow prick.
Oh, how glad I am for the invisibility of age, now.
People are shit. We still live in a society that judges on appearance. The best we can do is not be those people. I feel for anyone going through it, big and small.

It is absolutely a thing.

As others have said, I’m not sure privilege is the correct term but yes women are disproportionately judged on their appearance by society as a whole.

On a more positive note, I regularly take part in male dominated senior work meetings. The most impressive person I’ve come across in the last five years is a woman in her 60s, not slim, average looking.
In the first meeting she was woefully underestimated by male colleagues. She wiped the floor with them and they didn’t make that mistake again.

Appearance only gets you so far in most careers.