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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why aren't you Single?

164 replies

Aquarius1234 · 19/07/2024 20:35

I love a relationship debate.

So here's another.

Why aren't you single?

OP posts:
KreedKafer · 20/07/2024 20:53

I loved living on my own, but living with my DP is as good as that and I don’t feel like there’s anything I can’t do with with him around that I could do when I was single. He’s an absolute top bloke and we adore each other. We also give each other plenty of time to ourselves; neither of us is at all needy or high maintenance and we’re not joined at the hip.

Despair1 · 20/07/2024 20:53

AndForAFortnightThereWeWereForever · 19/07/2024 23:04

I'm not single because I don't like being single. I like to be with someone. I want that someone to be a companion and a lover ... I had 4 'relationships' that lasted just 8 to 10 weeks between the age of 17 and 22, and then was single for 2 years until I met my now DH.

We have been together 29 years now. He's kind. He's funny. He makes me laugh. He does as much round the house as I do. I do gardening. He does cooking. I'll do some of the DIY. He'll do the polishing and hoovering. I clean the bathroom, while he cleans the kitchen. (And he pulled his weight with the childcare!)

We're a perfect fit... It's great having someone to go out for pub lunches with, to pop to the pub with for a beer, to go on day trips with, to go on walks with, to go explore the woodlands with, eat Chinese takeaways with, to laugh at a funny movie with, to snuggle on the sofa with, and to go on beach trips and romantic weekends away with, go on holidays abroad with, etc. I can have sex whenever I feel like it - and am really comfortable with him (and him with me,) and he doesn't judge me whether I'm 9 stone or 14 stone. (Currently somewhere in the middle.)

I can cry my heart out in his arms and not feel stupid and he can do the same with me. We've been through some tough times because of different things that have happened in our lives over the last 29 years, including losing both sets of parents, and job losses, and financial battles. We battled hard financially for some years, and came through the other side, solvent, and comfortable, and with our house paid for.

Raised our children together, and watched them grow through school, through college, and through uni, then meet their partner, move into a rented home together, then buy their own home and get married. We're about to welcome our first grandchild in the middle of September ... And we're all kinds of excited for this new chapter in our life as grandparents!

DH is my soul mate. He's my lover. He's my friend. He's my companion. He's my holiday mate. He's my pub buddy. He's my walking mate. I just wouldn't want anyone else. And if ever he dies before me, not in a million years would I want anybody else to replace him ... I'd be quite happy to live the rest of my life alone.

I wouldn't have wanted to be alone forever, (like perma single/never in a long term relationship,) but would be OK with it if DH dies. At least I would have had 30 years plus of being with someone.

I just can't actually imagine being permanently alone forever, and never having had a relationship.. Being in a relationship for 20 or 30 years or more and then being single? Yes, fine. But being single all your life from the very beginning. No ... I just think that would be a very lonely existence, (long term.)

I doubt if it was the OP's intention when she started this thread, but it's SO refreshing to see a thread where married people/people in long term relationships can wax lyrical, and tell everyone why they are NOT single, and why they are so happy NOT single. I get so sick and tired of all the threads that celebrate being single, and berate being married, and quote that stupid nonsensical poll done by interviewing a tiny fraction of women, that stated single childless women are the happiest demographic.

Utter rot. I have never known any woman - or man for that matter, who would be happy to be single forever. I mean never EVER in a relationship. I have seen and known of far too many women wanting desperately to find a man to settle down with, to believe that bullshine! (And plenty of lonely single men looking desperately for a woman too!)

In fact there have been a number of studies and polls since, that show that particular 'single, childless women are the happiest demographic' claim to be rubbish!

Edited

Lovely story with a happy ending

Pinkflowersxo · 20/07/2024 20:56

MonsteraMama · 19/07/2024 21:15

Because I love my husband. I like his companionship, I like having someone to share the load of life and parenthood with, I like having someone around who has seen me at my worst and still likes me, I like having someone I can rant to about the things that piss me right off and he'll always listen even if I'm being daft, I like living with someone who makes me ugly laugh all the time, I like having someone to cook for me when I can't be arsed, I like having someone around to look after me when I'm ill so I can just vegetate, I like having excellent sex on tap whenever I want it, I like the cuddles and the affection and the intimacy I only get from him. I just love it. 18 years of not being single and I'm very happy with that.

Love this !

Despair1 · 20/07/2024 20:56

Minniliscious · 19/07/2024 23:35

So jealous of all these perfect marriages 😢 I love my husband but it’s not the stuff of fairy tales.

Thanks for your honesty. I'm not married but all my close friends who are say the same as you

Despair1 · 20/07/2024 20:58

Mummadeze · 19/07/2024 22:38

Because I am stuck and don’t know how to change things. Feels impossible.

Look after yourself

youwerealwaysonmymind12345 · 20/07/2024 20:59

Honestly don't believe what you read on here, a lot of them will be fabricated.

tuvamoodyson · 20/07/2024 21:04

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/07/2024 20:54

You do. You just can't shag them.

I don’t want to get to know someone new…I have everything I want right here ❤️

IsThisAkissingBook · 20/07/2024 21:13

Because I took an overdose when I found out he had an on/off affair for two years which started 3 months after our daughter came out of a coma. I ended up on Prozac, lorazepam, quetiapine and zopiclone, I stopped eating and lost 4 stone. I've been completely gaslighted by him manipulated, I even married him in May (I found this out in February). .we had been together 17 years and our daughter has been left completely disabled. I've been so unwell mentally I thought I couldn't live without him.

Tagyoureit · 20/07/2024 21:15

I love living with my DH, he is my best friend, we laugh together, very rarely argue, have great sex 3 to 4 times a week, when he wfh we have lunch dates together, I honestly wouldn't be without him!!

When I go out to dinner with my friends, all though do is bitch about their husbands, even to the point of how they could survive without them, I was horrified!! I'd honestly hate to be them!

MotherOfVizslas · 20/07/2024 21:24

Because my husband is the only human being I truly trust and can be myself around.

Plus, he's great to cuddle, provides free childcare and he has dinner on the table when I get home from work.

godmum56 · 20/07/2024 21:33

youwerealwaysonmymind12345 · 20/07/2024 20:59

Honestly don't believe what you read on here, a lot of them will be fabricated.

what would make you think that? Why is "my married life is awful" more believable than "I am happily married"?

Despair1 · 21/07/2024 13:20

godmum56 · 20/07/2024 21:33

what would make you think that? Why is "my married life is awful" more believable than "I am happily married"?

I have to say that I know many married people and not one of them has anything like the fairy tale marriages described on here.

WhereIsTheHare · 21/07/2024 13:44

Despair1 · 21/07/2024 13:20

I have to say that I know many married people and not one of them has anything like the fairy tale marriages described on here.

My marriage is good, solid and lasting, but nothing about it is a fairy tale. He asked me to marry him while we were waiting for paramedics to come and see me, when I was very ill. We have weathered mental and physical ill health, financial problems, and other issues, together. What makes it work is that we tackle this stuff as a team, and our love for each other means we want to overcome it together, and we forgive each other the problems we cause in the relationship when they aren’t the fault of the one causing them. Marriage is testing - and how you tackle those tests tells you a lot about its solidity. Sometimes, leaving would have been easier. But because having that person in your life is more important, you get through the trouble together. It’s how you know your marriage is a good one.

Despair1 · 21/07/2024 13:48

WhereIsTheHare · 21/07/2024 13:44

My marriage is good, solid and lasting, but nothing about it is a fairy tale. He asked me to marry him while we were waiting for paramedics to come and see me, when I was very ill. We have weathered mental and physical ill health, financial problems, and other issues, together. What makes it work is that we tackle this stuff as a team, and our love for each other means we want to overcome it together, and we forgive each other the problems we cause in the relationship when they aren’t the fault of the one causing them. Marriage is testing - and how you tackle those tests tells you a lot about its solidity. Sometimes, leaving would have been easier. But because having that person in your life is more important, you get through the trouble together. It’s how you know your marriage is a good one.

Thank you, that is totally realistic

TreeShrugger · 21/07/2024 14:25

Despair1 · 21/07/2024 13:20

I have to say that I know many married people and not one of them has anything like the fairy tale marriages described on here.

Yeah, but they’re not going to tell you that are they? I don’t have conversations with my friends about how great my marriage is, in fact I barely mention it at all.

godmum56 · 21/07/2024 15:15

TreeShrugger · 21/07/2024 14:25

Yeah, but they’re not going to tell you that are they? I don’t have conversations with my friends about how great my marriage is, in fact I barely mention it at all.

this absolutely. All other people know is what they see from the outside.

GameOfJones · 21/07/2024 17:28

TreeShrugger · 21/07/2024 14:25

Yeah, but they’re not going to tell you that are they? I don’t have conversations with my friends about how great my marriage is, in fact I barely mention it at all.

Quite. My marriage definitely isn't a fairytale. We have had our ups and downs, we've had to deal with bereavement and job losses and all the other crap life throws at you. We have had disagreements, we have had the odd major argument in our time. BUT I adore him, I know he adores me and my life is so much better with him in it.

I'm unlikely to speak to my friends about how happily married I am though. The subject literally doesn't come up and if anyone is ever having relationship issues it would be pretty insensitive of me to say "well my DH is fantastic and we're very happy together."

Dweetfidilove · 22/07/2024 10:53

I like this thread. A good mix of warmth, lovely and honest 😊. It's good to see so many healthy relationships written about so beautifully.

Dweetfidilove · 22/07/2024 11:00

IsThisAkissingBook · 20/07/2024 21:13

Because I took an overdose when I found out he had an on/off affair for two years which started 3 months after our daughter came out of a coma. I ended up on Prozac, lorazepam, quetiapine and zopiclone, I stopped eating and lost 4 stone. I've been completely gaslighted by him manipulated, I even married him in May (I found this out in February). .we had been together 17 years and our daughter has been left completely disabled. I've been so unwell mentally I thought I couldn't live without him.

Oh no 😟.
Sending you some strength 💐💐💐.

Toomanysquishmallows · 22/07/2024 11:08

I was single for four years after my ex had an affair. I was also a single parent. It’s an unpopular view here , but I hated being single . I met dp through friends and we have been together 20 years, we laugh every day .

Begonia4 · 08/08/2024 11:34

Hellodarknessmyfriend · 20/07/2024 20:25

I wanted to get a man so I could have babies and then give up work forever but still live in a nice house and get my nails done once a week.

Yikes. At least you’re honest.

KimberleyClark · 08/08/2024 11:42

I’m not single because I met a man I wanted to commit to and spend my life with. I was single for five years before we met. I like that someone has my back always. I like having the perfect travelling companion.

Despair1 · 08/08/2024 16:04

KimberleyClark · 08/08/2024 11:42

I’m not single because I met a man I wanted to commit to and spend my life with. I was single for five years before we met. I like that someone has my back always. I like having the perfect travelling companion.

Sounds great, lucky you!

Despair1 · 08/08/2024 16:06

Tagyoureit · 20/07/2024 21:15

I love living with my DH, he is my best friend, we laugh together, very rarely argue, have great sex 3 to 4 times a week, when he wfh we have lunch dates together, I honestly wouldn't be without him!!

When I go out to dinner with my friends, all though do is bitch about their husbands, even to the point of how they could survive without them, I was horrified!! I'd honestly hate to be them!

Lovely to hear

Despair1 · 08/08/2024 16:08

Begonia4 · 08/08/2024 11:34

Yikes. At least you’re honest.

Hellodarknessmyfriend, is that really true or is it a wind up?