Why aren't you Single?

[Aquarius1234]

I love a relationship debate.

So here's another.

Why aren't you single?

Because my partner is amazing and lovely and helpful and a brilliant dad. I love our life together.

I was single throughout most of my 20’s though because I loved to travel and do my own thing, and I’m so glad I did all that and waited for a good man.

Oh, and the spider thing.

I was engaged at 22, married at 23. Despite some ups and downs we’ve been together 17 years. It’s not all doom and gloom if you start early.

Also he gives good head.

Because when I was single I spent everything I earned every month. I needed to find someone who never spent any money so I could help them out 😁

The physical affection every day, regular sex with someone I trust and feel so safe and comfortable with, love seeing him undressing/getting in and out of the shower as he is tall with big shoulders and has a very fit sexy body, sharing the load of everyday life…cooking/cleaning/shopping etc, he does all the admin stuff, we talk loads about everything and I respect his opinions on things, we have fun and laugh a lot, have very different interests which makes conversations interesting and I like learning about new things, we rarely argue but are very tolerant of each others faults. Life is just better with him!

I think that it might differ according to level of education. Young people going to university don’t tend to be getting tied into serious relationships at 16/17/18 nor do their parents encourage them to do that, quite the opposite in my social circle for at least 2 generations. It’s not common to form a serious relationship while at university (thought it does happen). The relationships often come later usually around the time of first graduate jobs.

I met my husband and fell absolutely hook line and sinker for him at age 20! I now realise that was very young but to be honest we were still absolutely crackers for each other until we had the kids 12 years later... it's deffo more challenging with the kids, i had very severe pnd which effected me for a few years and weve certainly had some ups and downs. But when we get quality time together it's awesome and as the kids get older there will be more and more opportunities. Last week we laughed so much he spat his tea out and I had tears streaming down my face... can't remember why now. It's been 20 years... my parents were dead against him and said we would never last 😂. What's better than living with your best friend? Neither of us are perfect but I'm glad I picked him...

Thank you. We just get along and are grateful for each other.

I am with DH because I love him. He is kind and good company.

I like sitting and watching TV with him in the evenings and chatting about things at the end of the day.

I like that we share the work of parenting our two DDs and have a happy family unit. Plus we're modelling what a respectful and loving relationship looks like to our children.

I loved being free and single. But parenting children alone would be very hard and I think eventually I'd feel lonely. I do love having someone to come home to and to share my life with. If I hadn't met DH perhaps I'd feel differently. My ex from before was awful and I was way happier single than I was with him. But DH is fabulous!

He is a great provider, kind and thoughtful.

I steal the best memes and we laugh at them together at the end of the day.

I love my DH and he grounds me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I also love when he works away and I can spend a couple of days binging a box set (he prefers films) and eating cereals for dinner. But then I look forward to him coming back.

Yes this. Also, I hate to admit it, but really would struggle with DIY and good financial management if I was alone

I was the spider/mouse/rat person in our relationship.

The best human I ever met no way could I not marry him. He is the best person ever even with his flaws. So patient, caring and very active within the family and household. His hobbies are actually practical and benefit us all. Can fix cars, carpentry and even plumbing and electrics!
Again I stress I never met any one in my 37 years like him.

I'm not sure. I think it's more acceptable these days, especially for women, to be independent and single. However, humans are conditioned to be in partnerships. Women also now have financial and sexual freedom, which they didn't until the advent of the pill

I was single for nearly 20 odd years and was resigned to that and reasonably happy, but met my now DP quite unexpectedly

Because someone needs to bring me a cup of tea in bed in the morning, and I don't want to have to do it myself.

Thank you for this thread OP. Its so nice to read about people who have happy endings in their relationships. Some days on here I just think that I am the only one to ever have had a happy marriage.

I always tell young women I know to spend some time living alone in their 20s. To find out what they want in life, what they enjoy, what matters to them, how they like to live. And then only to live with a partner if that person actively makes their life better than their single life. Too many people drift into bad relationships without realising there’s an equally valid alternative. God knows where I’d be if I’d stayed with some of my early boyfriends. I’d certainly be less happy than I am now. I’ve been married to my lovely husband for 20 years. He had to reach a very high bar to make me want to spend the rest of my life with him. We all deserve that, so shouldn’t be prepared to settle for less.

Cooking, sex, 50/50 childcare, useful financial contribution. I suppose I should also mention he’s funny, kind, etc…🤣

Sorry to add a morbid post but it really is ideal to learn those things just in case your husband gets hit by a bus or gets one of those undetectable until dead brain aneurysm things.

But I don't understand people that don't think being single is ok.
That it's negative. Even young 24 years olds in Long term relationships. I don't get why being single is never going to be an option for them.

We're socially conditioned into seeing being single as a temporary state. It’s what you are when you’re waiting for the one - or, if the one you thought was the one turns out not to be, it’s a state you’re in while you lick your wounds until you’re ready to get back on the horse. It’s socially acceptable to be single if you’re recovering from a break-up, but leave it too long and people will be telling you it’s time to get back out there.

The idea of it being a long-term status by choice is mind-boggling to some. Tell some people you’re single and staying that way and at best you’ll get “Awwh, you never know; the right one could come along any moment” or similar; at worst, you’ll be told not to “give up” or “write yourself off”, or get the well-meaning but patronising and depressing reassurance that you’re not too ugly/fat/boring to find someone.

I always thought it would be great if there were three main categories when it comes to romance: in a relationship, single, looking. Single seems to have so many negative connotations; you end up with the sympathetic head tilts and well-meant advice even if you’re more than happy on your own. If single could be reserved for people who were happy that way, with people who want a relationship described as looking instead, no one would have to put up with sympathy they simply don’t need - and it would be way more positive for people who do want to be with someone to say “Yes, this is what I want and I’m actively trying to make it happen”.

Brilliant

Fantastic, lucky you

This is us. My husband is undiagnosed but we both think autistic. We are best friends. He thinks I'm awesome. I don't always think he's 'the one' but I can't imagine finding someone else who I can be myself with. He is always supportive. He's an excellent and loving dad, our kids adore him.

Because I am stuck and don’t know how to change things. Feels impossible.

I am not single because I made a stupid decision way too young to get married. 29 years in I understand this is not working for me but cannot leave as I’m stuck due to being a parent. I’ve got a future filled with anxiety, panic attacks and anti depressants- wish I stayed single.