Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think to a neighbour has acted inappropriately

108 replies

Pops1105 · 19/07/2024 11:40

I haven't posted here for a very long time, but needed some reassurance that I am not overreacting - for context I have been wary of men that aren't family due to previous domestic violence that my Mum suffered when I was a young child.

We have had new neighbours move in recently, close enough that we need to walk past there house/parking space when walking from the car to the our house and vice versa.

They are quite a chatty couple with older children and seemed very friendly.

Little things have started happening when bumping into the man that lives there that have got my back up slightly.
The main one being i have a nearly teenage DD, when she isn't with me (she stays with her grandparents on a regular basis) the first question he will ask is 'where is she?' I try to divert the question, but he is quite persistent.
I am generally quite a private person and this really isn't any of his business! Is this him trying to be friendly & make conversation?

We had a couple of incidents this week that seem a bit more intense where he has made (what i feel) inappropriate comments to both my daughter and I. The other day, i had a jacket on from a particular brand, when he noticed this, he proceeded to lift his T-shirt up to show us the waistband on his underwear to both me and DD to say that we were matching, making us both feel uncomfortable and walking away saying 'was that appropriate'
He then proceeded to bypass me the next day and speak directly to my DD asking her how her day was at school and mouthing words like 'St' and 'Bus Wr' to her (she catches the bus to school) I know very well that she will hear worse than this at school etc, but it instantly got my back up coming from a adult male that we don't know well. We were both in shock at this point and made a quick exit to our house, but haven't I been able to get it out of my head since.

AIBU and he is just being friendly
or
AINBU and these things are strange and inappropriate and I need to shut him down the next time he tries doing things like this.

OP posts:
SuncreamAndIceCream · 19/07/2024 11:42

Not overreacting

He's a fucking creep

Ginlfixit · 19/07/2024 11:43

What is St and bus wr?

LettuceFlavour · 19/07/2024 11:44

You need to shut this down. You need to demonstrate to your daughter that it is not OK for men to talk to her and to you like this.

Lampslights · 19/07/2024 11:45

Ginlfixit · 19/07/2024 11:43

What is St and bus wr?

This.

LittleBrenda · 19/07/2024 11:46

He's quite persistent to gain the knowledge of the whereabouts of your teenage daughter? It's completely weird.

cupcaske123 · 19/07/2024 11:46

Why are you stopping to talk to him? Just say hello and go on your way.

SuncreamAndIceCream · 19/07/2024 11:47

The second one is bus wanker (an Inbetweeners quote) not sure about the first one but it's unlikely to be good is it

Legendofthelostkeys · 19/07/2024 11:47

Lampslights · 19/07/2024 11:45

This.

Does it mean 'shit' and 'bus wanker'? I'm.also at a loss.

Berga · 19/07/2024 11:47

Ginlfixit · 19/07/2024 11:43

What is St and bus wr?

Slut and Bus Wanker?

Hankunamatata · 19/07/2024 11:48

First one - asking where she is - normal common

Underpants - yeah inappropriate

No idea what you are going on about for 3rd

If he has teen kids he could just be trying to be cool and down with the kids. Or he could be creepy. O ly you can tell

Hankunamatata · 19/07/2024 11:49

I think if your uncomfortable. Tell him politely that you are uncomfortable and he is making it weird.

JustPleachy · 19/07/2024 11:52

He probably thinks he’s being cool for the kids, but missing the mark badly. OR he could be a creep. Either way, better to let him (and more importantly your daughter) know it’s inappropriate.

Pops1105 · 19/07/2024 11:56

Legendofthelostkeys · 19/07/2024 11:47

Does it mean 'shit' and 'bus wanker'? I'm.also at a loss.

Yes this... I wasn't sure if it was allowed on here i did put stars to block out, but didn't show on the post. Yes shit & bus wanker are the words he used to clarify.

OP posts:
Pops1105 · 19/07/2024 12:00

cupcaske123 · 19/07/2024 11:46

Why are you stopping to talk to him? Just say hello and go on your way.

We aren't - we have to walk past his house to get to ours - he is outside and as we are walking past he tries to engage in conversation. I have kept it as short and sweet as possible and have made it very clear to DD that this is not right and to not engage either, we speak and help out his elderly direct neighbour on a regular basis to stop and check on her, so can be pretty hard to avoid at times I just didn't know whether i was overreacting as some have said he may be trying to be cool and down with the kids!

OP posts:
Pops1105 · 19/07/2024 12:01

Hankunamatata · 19/07/2024 11:49

I think if your uncomfortable. Tell him politely that you are uncomfortable and he is making it weird.

Thank you! I will definitely be doing this next time!

OP posts:
Pops1105 · 19/07/2024 12:01

Ginlfixit · 19/07/2024 11:43

What is St and bus wr?

Shit & Bus Wanker.

OP posts:
Lurkingandlearning · 19/07/2024 12:02

The thing is, if he’s trying to make you feel uncomfortable or just push the “cool with the kids” thing, telling him you are uncomfortable will probably please him.

Maybe a dead eyed “Why do you want to know where she is?” Why would you show anyone your pants? Why have you got a problem with the school bus?

Whatever he replies just roll your eyes and hurry daughter along and make a point of showing you are both happy and relaxed once you’re past him. Hopefully he will then feel like the dick he is and stop trying to engage

HaveSomeIntrospect · 19/07/2024 12:04

Don’t feel uncomfortable about shutting this down.
you aren’t being rude by saying, not really any of your business and telling him that he is making you uncomfortable.

unfortutely some people think it’s funny or get a kick out of making people squirm.
don’t be that person. Be firm and shut him down every time.

does he live with someone?

PuppyMonkey · 19/07/2024 12:09

He’ll probably be all “oh don’t be silly, I’m only having a laugh.” But I think the more you say “this is inappropriate, please stop,” and don’t politely laugh along (my parents would have done that purely to not upset a neighbour), he’ll hopefully get the message.

Hoppinggreen · 19/07/2024 12:10

His actual intentions don't really matter.
You don't want to speak to him and thats fine, too often women are conditioned to think we owe conversation (and more) to men but other than being civil you owe him nothing.
No need to justify it to us, yourself or anyone else. You prefer not to speak to him and thats enough.

CustardySergeant · 19/07/2024 12:16

HaveSomeIntrospect "does he live with someone?"

The third paragraph of the OP says "They are quite a chatty couple with older children and seemed very friendly."

Arconialiving · 19/07/2024 12:17

Lurkingandlearning · 19/07/2024 12:02

The thing is, if he’s trying to make you feel uncomfortable or just push the “cool with the kids” thing, telling him you are uncomfortable will probably please him.

Maybe a dead eyed “Why do you want to know where she is?” Why would you show anyone your pants? Why have you got a problem with the school bus?

Whatever he replies just roll your eyes and hurry daughter along and make a point of showing you are both happy and relaxed once you’re past him. Hopefully he will then feel like the dick he is and stop trying to engage

This would be my approach to him also.

Teddybearpicniccelebration · 19/07/2024 12:19

You have to learn to show little interest in what he says. He sounds very nosy tell him you're in a rush and eventually he will get the message.

MounjaroUser · 19/07/2024 12:21

What one earth does 'shit and bus wanker' mean?

Honestly, OP, I wouldn't speak to him again. I'd nod politely but not stop or even say hello. He's a real creep.

Tel12 · 19/07/2024 12:21

Just say hello and keep walking. You're busy, places to go, people to see.