AIBU to think to a neighbour has acted inappropriately

[Pops1105]

I haven't posted here for a very long time, but needed some reassurance that I am not overreacting - for context I have been wary of men that aren't family due to previous domestic violence that my Mum suffered when I was a young child.

We have had new neighbours move in recently, close enough that we need to walk past there house/parking space when walking from the car to the our house and vice versa.

They are quite a chatty couple with older children and seemed very friendly.

Little things have started happening when bumping into the man that lives there that have got my back up slightly.
The main one being i have a nearly teenage DD, when she isn't with me (she stays with her grandparents on a regular basis) the first question he will ask is 'where is she?' I try to divert the question, but he is quite persistent.
I am generally quite a private person and this really isn't any of his business! Is this him trying to be friendly & make conversation?

We had a couple of incidents this week that seem a bit more intense where he has made (what i feel) inappropriate comments to both my daughter and I. The other day, i had a jacket on from a particular brand, when he noticed this, he proceeded to lift his T-shirt up to show us the waistband on his underwear to both me and DD to say that we were matching, making us both feel uncomfortable and walking away saying 'was that appropriate'
He then proceeded to bypass me the next day and speak directly to my DD asking her how her day was at school and mouthing words like 'St' and 'Bus Wr' to her (she catches the bus to school) I know very well that she will hear worse than this at school etc, but it instantly got my back up coming from a adult male that we don't know well. We were both in shock at this point and made a quick exit to our house, but haven't I been able to get it out of my head since.

AIBU and he is just being friendly
or
AINBU and these things are strange and inappropriate and I need to shut him down the next time he tries doing things like this.

Think I would have to tell him to back off. Does his wife / partner know he is behaving like this? Think if it continues tell him straight you will be contacting the police as you feel he is stalking your daughter.

Is he autistic? Or is he neurotypical. Because reading this as an autistic it sounds like someone who doesn't know how to interact but wants to be friendly. If he is neurotypical then yes he is creepy.

Having suffered DV, I can say you will have inflamed senses for weird behaviour. Initially I wondered if he has a mental health issue, but bypassing you to speak to your daughter is out of order.

I recommend you usher your daughter on home if he’s out. If he’s said something out of order to her, then say to him you’d rather he not speak to her that way. But be wary of giving your daughter any hangups, tweenies are very susceptible to any parental discomfort.

He is a neighbour, not your friend. You don’t owe him any interaction if he’s making you feel creeped out. Feel free to ignore him. If he or his wife later ask why - be honest. X

Now I see where they get jurors from to convict innocent men for grooming.
All I see is a new neighbour trying to make friends with his neighbours.
Asking where someone's child is, is a conversation starter for someone that knows very little about you but knows you have a child.
Showing the waistline of men's underwear is the reason why brands put their name on the waistline. That's why you see topless men with the waistband showing.
Swearing may be inappropriate to you but others don't find anything wrong with it. Explain to dd that some people swear but for whatever reason you find it inappropriate and would not like her to swear.

I have to agree with this one. It is difficult to grow a pair sometimes and have the guts to say this, but in this case mum needs to show protective behaviours and give him a verbal punch in the face.

Sorry but you sound like one of these men. Stop making excuses for pervy behaviours.

This is utter garbage. Did you miss this part?:

the first question he will ask is 'where is she?' I try to divert the question, but he is quite persistent

The word "persistent" stands out- when someone is vague and you keep on and on about it thats not merely making conversation, it's creepy.

Secondly, do you show your underwear to your elderly neighbours or your male neighbours? if not, why not, if its as harmless as you claim it is? Surely it would actually be more appropriate to show it to male neighbours, not female ones, if you are merely trying to indicate a fashionable clothing brand for men as they would be the ones likely to buy it based on your recommendation.

Thirdly, there are many, many, many benign conversation topics to make with neighbours that dont involve your stupid underwear or being persistently weird and intrusive about where someone's teenage daughter is.

Why would I show my underwear to men? My knickers don't have a waistband. There is nothing offensive about the waistband of boxer shorts being above the waistline of a man's trousers. Have you not seen young men with their trousers half way down their bums. Have you not seen young females with low cut trousers and a thong high up their back. Maybe the bloke is used to having is top off and his boxers waistband showing and therefore doesn't see an issue with lifting his top to show the named brand on his waistband.
I am always asked by both genders where my child is if they are not with me. Should I be suspicious that they are all waiting for me to say that they are alone at the park?