To not understand why my mum ( or anyone ) needs to sunbathe topless ?

[aghak]

I'm staying with mum and my two kids at a holiday cottage. It's private so no one can see, but I still don't get why she or anyone feels the need to sunbathe topless ? I would just never do it and it makes me a bit uncomfortable to be around people who sunbathe topless.

I get it I get it, not everyone is like me.

But why do your boobs need to be brown ?

She also insists on wearing a bikini at almost 70. Ok fine, I don't wear a bikini and I'm not even 40 yet. I do think, good for you but I do think one pieces are just more classy. Same with having everything on display.

I realise I sound mean spirited don't I ? Or just uptight ? But isn't more, less and more classy in general ? Interested in opinions !

She raised me so I'm surprised I am not more on display myself but I'm pretty private about my body and always have been.

You wouldn’t think twice about a male being topless so why should it be different for women. Just because our chests are bigger it shouldn’t change the fact they are both the same.

Breasts serve the purpose of feeding children. The only reason people clutch pearls at seeing them is because they have been turned into sexual objects by men.

I mean...presumably those boobs kept you alive for a few months...if she wants to get them out on holiday in her twilight years that's her perogative

I'm 44 and wear a two piece to the pool because we are often there for hours on end and I hate putting on wet swimmers after a wee.

Can't imagine the pain of sunburned nipples.

This!

I used to sunbathe topless many years ago, before children. There is a sense of freedom about it. I never walked around topless though - strictly lying down for me!

As for your complaint about her wearing a bikini at 70 - I'd love to have half her body confidence! You should admire her TBH.

You sound incredibly uptight, OP. What on earth is wrong with a woman sunbathing topless or wearing a bikini at any age? I've sunbathed topless my entire adult life, where it was appropriate to do so, although we had many holidays in Egypt, southern Tunisia, and Morocco in recent years where I would obviously not have removed my top. I always wore a bikini until I put weight on after major surgery a few years ago and would do so now in my mid 60s if I lost a bit of weight. My husband and I have also been naked on naturist beaches on many occasions. I feel much more comfortable wearing less clothes if I'm relaxing on the beach. I went topless in front of my daughter when we were on holiday when she was younger without a second thought and would do so in front of grandchildren if I had any, again obviously if I was somewhere it was acceptable.

I don't understand why anyone would object to seeing someone else's breasts? The vast vast majority of women have them!

I'd feel weird sunbathing topless around my kids (15 & 20) unless I was laying on my front. However I work out a lot and as a result will wear a bikini at whatever age I want to!

I think bravo to your mum for being body confident. I went to a naturist spa in Germany and people of all ages and sizes enjoying sunning themselves au naturale. I think it actually is a very positive example for children. Of course if you prefer to cover up do you, but our bodies are nothing to be ashamed of

So do you think newspapers should continue to have topless models in them?

Or would you be ok with your DH or kids going to a topless bar/restaurant?

Would you be happy with your friend visiting and being topless?

Women who are 70 now were teenagers in the 1970’s, where not wearing a bra was normal, where it wasn’t considered rude or unpleasant to see nipples through a top, when hippies were becoming a big thing, it was a very liberating time. The 60’s and the sexual revolution had just happened with things like the pill, more women were going to universities and starting to think about prioritising careers. This was the time of the feminists who have made our lives so much more free and equal and liberating. Many women of that generation were far from prudes and sunbathing topless was nothing, (obviously not all women of that generation but it was certainly in the mainstream culture at that time). My mum sunbathed topless on holidays with me and my brother and with other families involving sons and husbands, we didn’t think much of it. I am 40 and I feel my generation is much much more prudish, my mum was always telling me off for being a prude! My mum still looks great in a bikini at 70 and I hope I do when I am 70. You are being a prude (which you are entitled to be) but also very ageist (which you shouldn’t be).
I sunbathed topless once in a fairly hippy place in Australia and a couple (man and woman) came over to say hello, and chatted totally normally about this and that, I remember thinking I’ve got my boobs out talking about the weather! It was very liberating, and swimming topless is a dream 😊
I have 2 sons around 11 years old, I wouldn’t sunbathe topless around them as one of them would be mortified (he’s very private) and the other would take it as a sign he’s fine to walk around butt naked all the time ! 😊I wouldn’t be surprised if my Mum did though!

When DD’s were small, we lived in Middle Eastern countries where going to the beach was a major thing, but going topless was a definite No.

So by the UK sea one summer, dd2 (maybe 5 at the time) on seeing a topless woman nearby, came to me with a 😱 face. ‘Mummy, that lady’s got no bra-ziz on!’

I wouldn't have a problem with any of those situations.

@aghak have you ever taken your kids to a beach Europe?!

Yanbu, she needs to pack it up when the kids are around. This would only be acceptable if everyone around her was comfortable and you are not.

It could be millions of reasons for her and your attitudes, I wonder if it’s about power play in between you and you don’t have a good relationship in reality. It feels a bit from your post that for you she is making some sort of point about it rather than just avoiding white marks and that she does what she wants without considering you.
Plus cultural traditions - your mum could be rebelling against them but you follow.
Im not the type sunbathing without top but I won’t be able to go sunbathing even in a one piece with my parents - they would comment about my swimsuit/ my body/ my tan/ my suncream etc and it would absolutely destroy the holiday. But I do recognize that this is because of my relationship with them, I happily sunbathe with other people around. Maybe it’s your situation too, your mum annoys you for some deeper reasons (could be rightly) so it is time to stop holidaying with her.

You obviously don’t NEED to look classy anywhere but presumably pages upon pages of fashion editorials are dedicated to “poolside looks” because people actually do care how they look in these situations? Possibly even more than usual given the obvious vulnerability that comes with being barely dressed in public. Each to their own I suppose - I’d be more concerned about the sun exposure than nipples out, although I do think it’s pretty strange to do that in front of grandchildren, if that’s what the OP is saying.

@Choochoo21 that's different. They are clearly sexualised. Sitting on the beach / sunbathing isn't.

How old are your children?

Does it embarrass them?

It's not 'generational'

Some of us are sensible enough not to want a bout with skin cancer

There are also nudist beaches in the UK. And plenty of European countries don’t allow topless sunbathing at all - and it’s often the British women that have to be told to put a top on. So I don’t think this is a ‘prudish Britain’ thing at all. It’s a ‘prudish OP’ thing.

OP, I really can’t imagine getting worked up at the sight of my own mother’s boobs. Although it would be boob singular in my mum’s case, as she’s only got the one.

I would never sunbathe topless in a million years, personally (even if I were a sunbather, which I’m not). But I wouldn’t care if other people did, and certainly not my mum!

Sneering about her wearing a bikini is just ageism and misogyny on your part. She doesn’t have to hide her body because it doesn’t look the way you think it should.

I’d love to think I’d be happy going topless at 70, good on her.

You sound like a total prude OP, as clearly even a bikini bothers you.

Re: going to the toilet - is it just me that pulls the gusset to one side then??!😄

Do people still sunbathe?

No issue with nudity but I'd be unimpressed with granny setting such an unhealthy example.

Exactly why do you think a 70 year old shouldn't wear a bikini OP? I can't think of any reason other than ageism.