To not understand why my mum ( or anyone ) needs to sunbathe topless ?

[aghak]

I'm staying with mum and my two kids at a holiday cottage. It's private so no one can see, but I still don't get why she or anyone feels the need to sunbathe topless ? I would just never do it and it makes me a bit uncomfortable to be around people who sunbathe topless.

I get it I get it, not everyone is like me.

But why do your boobs need to be brown ?

She also insists on wearing a bikini at almost 70. Ok fine, I don't wear a bikini and I'm not even 40 yet. I do think, good for you but I do think one pieces are just more classy. Same with having everything on display.

I realise I sound mean spirited don't I ? Or just uptight ? But isn't more, less and more classy in general ? Interested in opinions !

She raised me so I'm surprised I am not more on display myself but I'm pretty private about my body and always have been.

Umm - no one is asking you to sunbathe topless are they? Did your kids say something to you - or is this you projecting and saying YOU dont like it and therefore they wont. I find it bizarre you have an issue with it. Dont holiday with your mum next time maybe. I have young children and they are quite used to seeing me topless - they dont really bat an eyelid, i sleep naked and they grew up with this - if they were teens - i might reconsider if they are uncomfortable.

Thought of this

To be fair, you don't really know what they really think

I’m 70, I never saw either of my parents naked, my DCs never saw me naked after they were tiny.
I have sunbathed topless in a totally private space with no one else around, I have been naked on a naturist beach several times when in Lanzarote, Fuerteventura and Gran Canaria 20 years ago.
wouldn’t now because a) I don’t tolerate heat, b) I no longer travel abroad and c) I am older a wiser where sun bathing is concerned.

Interesting. I have a very different experience. Up until very recently, I worked on cruise ships and visited ports in the Med on an almost daily basis for over two years, and other places in the world on my earlier contracts. Topless sunbathing is still very common in Europe. In fact we had to stop guests from sunbathing topless poolside on a very regular basis (depending on the itinerary) and we sailed from Southampton so the majority of our guests were British.

I agree with you OP, and funnily enough my DMum is similar, though not quite to the extent of being fully topless (at least around me!). I also don't think it's uptight to say that sunbathing topless should be restricted to times where she's actually in private and not in the company of her DD who is clearly uncomfortable with it, and her grandchildren.

Why would you have to stop them sunbathing topless? Were the men required to put a top on too?

How can anyone be too young to wear a swimsuit, it's just an item of clothing to swim in

I think you're unreasonable about your mum wearing a bikini at the age of 70. Why shouldn't she? Hope I'm confident enough to at that age.

Me too. A tan is a sign of sun damage to your skin, and nobody should be trying to damage their skin on purpose.

When my kids got to a certain age, I stopped doing it.

It sounds like a you problem.

There's nothing wrong with bikinis, whatever age. I've been topless before and damn right I'd do it again. Boobs are a body part. My kids have seen my boobs when I've breastfed and they know it's literally a body part. No one has a fit of the vapours seeing men's chests. If my mum did it, good on her!

I’ve lived in Europe where it’s common and I loved being topless in the beach and sea - it’s so freeing. People are so offended by breast because they’re so overly sexualised. It’s sad really.

Since it's not my own personal cruise line and I didn't write the "Discourteous or Disruptive Behavior Prohibited"* *section of the Guest Health, Safety and Conduct Policy, I had to follow the rules set by the company which includes no topless sunbathing in public.

@RocketPanda so funny. I don't see the issue really. I had one grandma who did it and totally styled it out when a man selling things balanced something on her boobs. She shrugged and said not today and looked to the side. I think it was an olive or something 😂
My other grandma didn't and was a bit more prudish. If you want to fine.

Burnt nipples? No thanks.

I breastfed two kids, so I agree that breasts aren’t always sexual. But this whole business with “there’s nothing sexual about them, men just turned them into sexual objects” - no, sorry, that’s not true. Secondary sex characteristics signify that a person is past puberty and sexually mature, so yes, of course it’s normal for people to find those characteristics sexually attractive.

Straight women don’t always understand how incredibly awkward it can be for people who are attracted to women to be around naked breasts. “They’re just bags of fat and milk glands that feed babies” - yeah, maybe to you. For straight and bisexual men, and lesbian and bisexual women, breasts are sexually arousing to look at, and if it’s a situation where they’re not trying to be sexually aroused, it feels weird.

I’m bisexual. Being around topless women is hell. I don’t want to be looking at some random woman sexually, but Jesus Christ, if there’s a shapely young woman walking on a beach with her full, luscious breasts completely uncovered…

Urgh, creep.

I'm a bisexual woman and manage just fine around women and men sunbathing topless.

Also in OP's situation, she's talking about her own mother.

If she’s doing it in front of you and your kids then yeah it’s a bit weird!! I did on holiday last year when my son was 3 but won’t be this year as he’s a bit older and don’t want him to feel uncomfortable. My mum used to and she had both nipples pierced and I found it weird when I was younger and even weirder now I know she did it as she was insecure and hated my dad possibly looking at other women so if you can’t beat em join em sort of attitude!

I did it last year to get colour all over but I think in front of family it is unnecessary!

Again, that’s your problem though. You need to contain your sexual desires, it’s not for women to cover up their bodies because you have sexual desires.

Things the same argument that suggests that women shouldn’t wear short skirts or that teenagers should have their bra straps showing because the boys and the male teachers can’t control their sexual desires.

This is a you problem.

If I was a creep, I’d be ogling openly, not feeling uncomfortable. You’re seriously a bisexual woman, trying to shame another bisexual woman for finding naked breasts attractive?!

I was responding to a specific comment about whether breasts are sexual, not the entire post.

Stupid reply.

the comment about newspapers and topless models purely backs up my statement of women’s breast being sexualised.

the comments about a topless restaurant? I wouldn’t expect a man topless in a restaurant so to the same standard wouldn’t expect a woman in one.

and yes if I had a friend round in the circumstances to be topless (if I had a pool etc) I wouldn’t be bothered by it. The same as if her male partner chose to be topless.

as I stated, the standards should be the same for males and females.

I mean we can all admire a good looking person male or female. But if your getting sexually aroused by a mere stranger walking by that’s definitely a you problem.

and let’s face it some bikinis barely cover a decent areola so it’s purely a nipple some people are complaining about or finding so sexually arousing On a Beach, or sunbathing minding their own.

No what you said was gross. I can handle myself around a good looking topless man and don’t expect him to cover up on a beach. You penis was extremely unpleasant.

I didn’t say anything about whether women should have to cover their bodies. I said that there’s an inherently sexual aspect to breasts in some contexts and that straight women don’t seem to understand how awkward it can be for people who are attracted to women to be around naked breasts. Half of Mumsnet seems to have this attitude that breasts are 100% completely NOT SEXUAL, and that only pervy men could possibly think of them that way. It’s normal to find secondary sex characteristics sexually attractive.

If women want to be topless in places where they’re legally allowed to be topless, fine. But other people are allowed to find that uncomfortable. Topless sunbathing isn’t a culturally done thing where I live, so I’ve seen topless women on a beach maybe twice IRL.