My mum is telling people I have munchausen syndrome

[scaredofher]

I’m pretty convinced my mum really hates me. We’ve always had quite a troubled relationship and I’ve never known why. She is so lovely towards my siblings but puts me down and gets into my head so often. Last year it got quite bad as she convinced me to move round the corner from her, as she wanted to ‘offer support’ with my DS, 4, who is severely autistic. We didn’t get this ‘support’, instead she made me heavily depressed. She would comment on my parenting at every opportunity, and make horrible comments about my weight; as I’m very big since giving birth, my PCOS got really out of control.

I had PND after birth and she would constantly tell me I’m letting my son down, that I’m not a good mum, that I’m crazy. She told me not to tell anyone what I was experiencing because they’ll ’take DS away from me’ and I got scared so suffered for over a year until I finally got brave enough to ask for help. My partner was utterly wonderful with both me and our son during this time, and our son was and is happy and adored.

I don’t know why but ever since I’ve longed for her to just say I’m a good mum, she tells my partner he’s an amazing dad all the time. One time I asked her outright whether she thinks I’m a good mum, and she said ‘if you’re having to ask me that you clearly know you’re not’.

I got very unwell living near her, my ulcerative colitis got out of control in a bad flare so I was in and out of hospital for a while. She didnt visit me once and told everyone I was looking for attention, if my partner told her I had been admitted she would roll her eyes. There was one time I was in for a week on a drip and steroids and just didn’t tell her because I didn’t want her to be angry with me.

Things got bad in the summer when I finally stood up to her. I got screamed at by my step dad and her. They said I’m fat, lazy, a neglectful mum, that they would take my son away from me, that they’ve been watching me and talking about me with other people who also thought I was a bad mum and ‘making notes’, and then they started talking about being in hospital. They stood there and laughed, full on laughing out loud saying I need to be locked up and kept away from people because I ‘clearly have munchausen syndrome’.

I went low contact and moved a few weeks later and they made my life hell throughout it. For some stupid reason I still allowed her to see DS because he loves her. (And she often will say how he loves her more than me or is better behaved with her etc).

Unfortunately I have had a really bad spell with my health over the last couple of months with 3 hospital admissions due to a severe flare up of ulcerative colitis, undiagnosed diabetes & unfortunately I’ve been admitted today after my GP sent me to A&E because I have a bad bacterial infection that hasn’t responded to antibiotics, my blood pressure high, heart rate 120 etc.

I’m currently lying here alone on IV antibiotics & fluids. I’m always alone because we have no childcare and it is what it is. Because things have been bad this last week, my partner messaged my mum to see if she could look after DS for the evening - we have no other childcare and my DS loves her (much more than me she says).

She said no and said I clearly have munchausen syndrome & that it’s ‘concerning’ and that if it was that bad I would have been admitted sooner (?)

My partner sent a message back saying how sad it is that you can’t even ask if she’s ok and she accused me of sending the message (again ?) and since I’ve had multiple calls from my step dad which I’m not answering because I know he is going to scream down the phone at me.

I do have a complex medical history and have had multiple surgeries and unfortunately do flare quite often and my diabetes isn’t yet managed. There have been times where she has demanded I discharge myself even against medical advice.

I just don’t get it and I’m scared that she’s going to try to get me sectioned which she’s threatened before.

I might be unwell but I am mentally healthy, have a weekly therapist who I mainly end up speaking about my mum to, and am happy with my partner etc. I cry any time I’m away from my son and I often avoid going to get any help until it gets bad because I don’t want people to believe my mum and she’s getting in my head to the point I am starting to think I’m crazy.

The odd thing is she went to A&E the other day for kidney stones, had bloods taken and snapped a pic of her cannula posting it on Facebook, and wrote how she was ‘under the care of the hospital’ despite being discharged and being told she was fine. She even made a post on her business page saying ‘Get well soon’ to herself and that she would be OOO whilst under the care of the hospital. I’m not one to post on socials about my health, especially not with my mum on there.

Sorry, this is a long message but I’m lying here wanting to cry and just wishing she would at least ask if I’m okay. But that’s never going to happen.

She is amazing to my sisters and my brother, who are slowly also turning against me (nobody even said happy birthday to me last week).

I just don’t know what to do and I’m sorry for the long post.

The thing is that as children, we want to feel love from our parents, want them to be proud of us, to tell us they love us. This woman has severely let you down. She is never going to be that parent. It's not your fault. Cut her out of your life and take care of yourself and your family. Get yourself well. Xx

Block block and block. People who tell mums that their children love them more are purely doing it to wound and hurt. There is no other reason imo.

Her and your step dad sound absolutely vile op, you don't sound like a bad mum at all but you what you do need around you is kind, supportive, understanding people. You say your son loves her but I bet he loves you a hell of a lot more (you will always be his mum) and what your son needs is for his mum to be as happy and healthy as she can be, can you really say that's a possibility with your toxic mother in your life? And if she really loved your son as much as she said she did, she wouldn't be so vile towards you and cause you so much stress, your son will pick up on that, and what's to say she won't ever turn her nastiness onto him one day? If she can be like this to her own daughter, she can be like it to anyone. You, your partner and your son need her out of your lives, evidently nothing good can come from being in contact with her.

The first thing I want to do, is send you a big MUM hug OP, the sort that she should be giving you, especially as you are so unwell. I'm so sorry that you have such an awful mum and step dad, but as everyone else has said, you and your DH need to shut them out of your lives completely. Don't EVER allow your DS near this awful pair, they've done their best to ruin your life and health, for goodness sake don't let them have any opportunity to do this to your child too. I'm glad to hear that your DH really has your back, as so many men seem to fail miserably on this score, particularly when their wives are in hospital, but he sounds great. So let him and the doctors take care of you, as someone else said, doctors wouldn't be wasting time on you if you weren't genuinely ill, especially with the current pressures on the NHS, so believe in yourself and stop letting these dreadful people get in your head. They should be ashamed of themselves! See your therapist as often as you can, and start working on a life for your own little family, never mind the one you were born into, they've let you down badly, so now show them just how good a mum you really are, by cutting them, and their toxicity, out of your life and that of your child.

Hope you get well soon OP, we're all rooting for you!

Who has voted YABU?!

@scaredofher im so sorry your own mother is treating you in this despicable manner. She sounds like the classic narcissist and you seem to be the ‘scapegoat’ child. Please take the good advice you have received on here and run for the hills. Your son deserves so much more as do you ❤️

How come you know you have diabetes but it's undiagnosed? Why aren't they diagnosing it? You say it's still unmanaged - why is that?

I read it as admitted because it hadn't been diagnosed - now it is but isn't yet managed.

But I can't believe that's all you took from the post 🙄

OP I agree with everyone else that you need to walk away for good. You have enough health issues (and nhs resources are scared so if your there you need to be) without being in a stressful situation which will exacerbate the illnesses you have.

You don't have to put up with this. You deserve better

They would soon hoof you out if you didn't need to be there.

If ever there was a case for going low or no contact, this is it because she is warped and cruel. Concentrate on getting well

Please go no contact with your family and protect your son from them. It will be difficult but it is doable. Reading your posts is very distressing - it is horrendous - vile. You deserve better as does your son and husband.

I think people throw around "go no contact" on this website too often but in your case I think it's the only thing to do. For all you know she'll start trying to poison your own child against you next. Don't allow her the opportunity, remove your little family from her completely, she doesn't deserve contact with you or your child.

I'm so, so sorry for all she's put you through. I hope your health improves. I imagine it will once you excise your tumorous mother from your life.

She is just someone you used to know.

I'm so sorry for you. But just to put your mind at rest your mum can not 'get you sectioned'. You have to have 2 HCPs assess you to be sectioned.

Please protect your DC from her.

Would your partner back you up to move away and go v low contact?

My mother doesn't speak to me, she was a shit mother but considers herself the victim of me. I ruminate a lot. I don't think she feels any regret. Only anger, expressed though cold shoulder. Which she doesnt recognise as anger!! She is perfect. Anger is bad. So she would never be angry. She is just hurt by my anger 😠

So I have an inkling what you're going through. I advise moving away. I hope your partner backs you up.

I could barely stand to read your message. Please just remove yourself away from them. They're ruining your life. Focus on your little family, and getting your health back on track. Xxx

I’m sorry OP. Really is no other solution but to go no contact, she’s really affecting your mental health so cut her off and i‘m sure you’ll all be happier. The last thing you want is her slowly poisoning your son again soon in the future. Hope you feel better soon OP, it’s really not fair

Well, sometimes you do when your mum is crazy.
There’s a young woman in the USA named Gypsy Rose Blanchard - her mum faked Gypsy’s many illnesses for her entire childhood, and then when doctors got suspicious, she’d move them and go to different doctors and hospitals.
Gypsy spent a great deal of time in the hospital for illnesses and ailments she never had - and even had a feeding tube inserted.
Gypsy’s mum suffered from Munchausen’s syndrome by proxy - very rare.
Then, Gypsy secretly developed a relationship with a young man online — anyhow, the man came to their home and stabbed the mom to death.
He’s serving a life sentence and Gypsy served close to ten years. The last I heard she’s currently pregnant.
It’s one of the most bizarre stories I think I’ve ever heard.
I feel very badly for Gypsy — she spent her entire childhood being abused by her mother because her mother craved the bizarre, sick attention she got from Gypsy’s many “illnesses.”

www.biography.com/crime/gypsy-rose-blanchard-mother-dee-dee-murder

She’s a narcissist - a particularly nasty one at that.

Highly recommend cutting her out of your life.

💯 this

Block her & your step dad on social media, don't tell them anything about your lives and stop contact with your son.

You're not a bad mother, you have a bad mother. Big difference.

And you don't deserve to be treated this way xx

This. She is mightily ill informed about mental health act.
it is nigh on impossible to be sectioned these days unless you you are a direct danger to yourself or others, literally either at risk of dying yourself or being violent to others.

I know- my exh has psychotic illness, complete with hallucinations and once came at me with knife in delusional psychotic state. Took him to A&E - was he sectioned? Nope. Never sectioned once in 20 years he was ill of our 30 year marriage.

Yes, my Dad has been sectioned and has a 117order. Due to Lewy body dementia. He is delusional, threatening, visual hallucinations, violent . Defiantly a threat to others. Poor sole was a mild as can be before crap illness hit

your mum is controlling you. Emotional abuse. Put distance between you. I know it’s hard, same as leaving an abusive partner is very hard and takes multiple attempts for most women. But right now she is at least not helping your condition and probably making it worse. You need emotional resilience to deal with these conditions and you don’t have that - she is actively preventing you developing it. Your dh MUST protect you form her, not go to your mum for help. Start looking for support systems like paid care etc that are not going to try to destroy you.

Your mum can't get you sectioned. It doesn't work like that. However she can and will turn your DS against you if she gets the chance. Don't give her the chance.

I am sorry you've been so unwell, and I suspect that once you are able to get your mothers voice out of your head, that your health will start to improve.

Get rid of these poisonous people from your life. They contribute nothing but distress and pain. Your son could very well be their next target to abuse. I wouldn’t want them anywhere near my child.

Seriously move the fuck away from them, block them, don’t let them near your family ever.

I hope your health improves soon.

Geez what a narcissist. I would completely cut her off, including from your son. Surely he’s seen her scream and yell at you? Who knows what she is telling him when she is alone with him.

dont worry about your siblings if they are following her lead they are just as bad. Though once she’s deprived of you to abuse she will move on to one of them.

not that I think you are faking anything, but stress can exacerbate syndromes like UC. It’s entirely possible that once you are rid of her and her toxic influence you will improve.

I hope you feel better soon xx.

My step mother has Munchausens. I know first had what's it's like including being told my period was internal bleeding and spending the night in a&e until a doctor told her she needed help.

You are in hospital and have many diagnosed conditions. This is not Munchausens. You are not making yourself appear ill. You are ill. Your mother is making you ill.

Your son may love your mum but children are not able to make decisions that are best for them. That is their parents job. If you keep you mum in his and your life she will turn him against you in the end. Please stop seeing her. Stop allowing your child to be around this mess.

I bet you if you cut her off in a few months you will feel better than ever.

Im really sorry youre so poorly, youve been through it you poor thing.

Having been through similar fears - I just want to also reassure you she cannot get you sectioned, take your son away and she had absolutely no legal rights over him or to see him.

Try and let that settle in while you recover. Dont make any decisions now, just get yourself better. And when you're feeling better, be firmer and stand up for yourself and your son.

I just wonder whether she's love bombing your son, which is why he feels a bond to her. Have a think about the interactions, when you have a clearer head.

It is SO utterly sh*t wanting your mum and getting this sort of behaviour. Im sorry you're going through it now.

It sounds as though your mum is weirdly jealous of your illnesses?! Which is really messed up. She sounds awful. Cut ties completely.