To be annoyed that I get glared at for having a blue badge

[Sparklebelle1024]

I try not to let it bother me but I’m young ( 35) and I have a blue badge because I have a few health problems which put me into the category of disabled and entitle me to pip and a blue badge. I do work (only part time as that’s a struggle but I do it for my own mental health but I think even that might have to go soon but I’m trying to last as long as I can) and almost every time I pull my car into the disabled spaces I get dirty looks and “badge checked” by the older generation and it’s ALWAYS older people !! It’s like younger folk can’t have disabilities!! Yet I can literally go from being okayish one day to hospitalised the next (I have a very understanding manager) and my car is a lifeline. I do try to brush it off but today I had a run in with an older man and he asked to see the photo on my badge to prove it was mine, I obviously told him he’s not entitled to that information and it’s not an elderly badge it’s a disabled badge and I cried when I was driving home.
it’s not fair…. I’m sick of being judged because I’m not “old” and don’t “look disabled” whatever that should look like. I know it shouldn’t bother me but it really genuinely does. So AIBU to be annoyed at being judged by the older generation because I use a badge I’m legally entitled to??

The general public are not traffic wardens or police. They have no right to confront other people.
There are numerous examples in this thread where BB holders have been confronted by people who have got it so wrong... it is hurtful and offensive to be confronted by a member of the public about something that is fuck all to do with them.

Oh yeah, I'm in my 30's and get this a lot.

I've given up trying to be understanding now and just tell them to fuck off. I don't have to justify my use of the space nor share my personal medical information with a nosey, meddling arsehole.

Why does it annoy you? Do people who know you doubt the extent of your illness or something?

My colleague is 25 and has a blue badge because of a heart condition. She looks like any other healthy 25 year old. We've been questioned before and she's just smiled and said "yes, it's my blue badge. I have a heart condition". That's it. Conversation over. Sometimes people have gone to my car to look at the badge as we've continued walking but not in an aggressive or confrontational way. They just seem to want to satisfy themselves that she's telling the truth. It doesn't bother her. It wouldn't bother me if it was mine.

Well said

I get it more often than not where I live. The badge is actually for my toddler who’s on home oxygen. I’ve had the looks, the comments, the coming straight up to the car to check for a badge.

We have a few stickers on the car more for safety in event of a crash etc advising medical oxygen is on board.

Now I hold my toddler upto them like the Lion King scene and ask if their disabled enough for them. It’s usually met with apologies and red faces on other occasions I’ve advised there’s parent and child parking spaces 🤨

I’m saying you are being unreasonable for not doing what they do in the states and whipping out your phone and start filming and asking them to say it again.
Followed by giving them a lecture.

Sometimes people have gone to my car to look at the badge as we've continued walking but not in an aggressive or confrontational way. They just seem to want to satisfy themselves that she's telling the truth.
So, so far when this has happened to your friend it's been not aggressive or confrontational, so it's all ok with you, no one's demanding to examine her badge and no one's yet tried to snatch it, or her keys. Therefore that must be how its being done to to the OP, or the rest of us? What else are you an apologist for on other people's behalf based on but you haven't yet personally seen happen?

Generally I suck it all up at whatever level, but I can promise you its far from not aggressive or confrontational here, and I am absolutely sick of of having to deal with aggressive men, and it nearly always is men looking for some woman to pick on, especially when it comes with a side order of racism and sometimes a need to inform me of where they rate me in their hierarchy of desirability. WTAF? I'm parking a vehicle not voluntarily entering a 'what do you think about me, guess my background, right to equality, be here' in every sense, competition.

Nowhere else on MN are women told to not let such behaviors bother them, accept it and others struggle to understand why it might affect the woman on the receiving end, and are they generally disbelieved? what is it about them causing their feelings? (which btw comes across as MN 'head tilt, tinkly laugh' territory, at the OP) and anyway it's all for the greater good...

There are some really awful responses here.

If someone has a blue badge on their dashboard, that's that. Go away. Leave them alone. No member of the public has a right to question, shout at, abuse, assault, demand, or anything else of a disabled person going about their day.

Imagine if every time you went somewhere, when you pulled up in your car, you were glared at, tutted at, accosted, asked your private medical information and all that WHEN YOU HAVE A BLUE BADGE.

You start to get anxious about parking. You start to worry about being assaulted again. You think everyone is looking at you and judging you. You wonder which of the random men nearby is going to come over, whether they will shout at you, demand to see the photo on your badge. You start to go out less and less because it's EVERY TIME you park. You avoid shops, social events, even healthcare, because you can't leave your vehicle without a wider space, but you're too nervous of what might happen.

Seriously, stop. Stop making excuses for the arseholes who think we're less entitled to a BB space because we look young or have two legs or whatever other reasons these people make up. They're not "being kind" to us by policing blue badge use. They're making our lives difficult, frightening and more and more insular as we avoid society.

I haven't been to shops, a supermarket, a restaurant, anywhere really, since 2020 because of this. I'd love to go and have a potter round, but it's not worth the grief. That's what these people do to us.

YANBU. A sticker saying not all disabilities are visible may help but in my experience judgemental people (old or young) don't take easily to being told they are wrong. In your case I would have responded to the man questioning you that you are happy to show him the back of your your badge when he shows you his stating he is traffic warden and otherwise to mind his own business.

Blue badges don't have medical info on them but they have your name and photo so you might not want to show it to some random person on the street.

I am in my 60s and agree with another poster upthread that it is often older people and some can be entitled but equally some non disabled people old and young can abuse the spaces. Sorry you were upset though.

Because she had the blue badge out. The person wanted proof it was hers.

And I very much doubt it was concern for her that he was checking the use of the space wasn't being abused.

Mm... I have a blue badge out on the dash. Its there for everyone to see, I won't be showing anyone the (awful and tbh, out of date) pic of me on the back of it, thats not for anyone to see but the badge issuer and police/traffic warden.

I am sure all the 'challengers' out there will say they're championing those with disabilities, doing their bit to ensure no ones encroaching on our rights...

It is bullshit, it is just an excuse to be a nosey parker and have a pop at someone, it is far more often a disabled person who has a badge who gets the brunt of their 'championing' than someone who does not have one, and it makes far more of a negative impact on disabled people too. Those who don't have a badge and don't give a shit, still won't, regardless of being challenged by busy-bodies!

Mumsnet ageism strikes again.

I can empathise completely, people can be so ignorant, just ignore them, you are displaying the BB, which you are entitled to use.

Absolutely.

Nor me. I also have a blue badge, and I’m older. Disability isn’t age related, although generally the older we get the more likely we are to have mobility issues. I get really irritated by people who park in spaces assigned for blue badge holders who don’t display a badge. In a row of six cars at the supermarket yesterday, half weren’t displaying blue badges. I never considered using these spaces before I got my badge, just as I never sat in priority/accessible seats on public transport,

Why does it annoy you?

Because it’s no one’s business to measure disabled people’s right to go about their life.

We don’t owe anyone an explanation of our disability, why we are there, what we are doing, why we are doing it, when we will stop doing it or why we can’t do it somewhere else or a different time where we won’t inconvenience normal people.

People need to fuck off and mind their own business- and no, we don’t need able bodied people to police bb parking for us either. It isn’t doing us a favour, it’s patronising and infantilising.

Sometimes people have gone to my car to look at the badge

Then they are ignorant- a bb is displayed photo down so looking at it through the windscreen doesn’t tell you who it belongs to.

It doesn't bother her

She isn’t all disabled people, and since you have said she looks like any other non disabled person she probably isn’t being ground down by constant ableism and harassment.

But people only do this - park there 'just for a minute' - when they have NO BLUE BADGE. Why are certain people questioning people who DO have a blue badge, tutting and huffing and puffing because they are young people with a blue badge, and in some cases, even telling them to show them the photograph on the blue badge. Your argument doesn't stand up.

You'll harden to it op. I've had my blue badge a few years now and I just completely blank people who approach me to comment. I've had it all over the years. Best one was recently where I was shouted at that" being fat isn't classified as a disability". I've been pumped with high dose steroids to save my eyesight (I have MS) last month and yes I'm looking puffy and bloated. Did my confidence the world of good. My dh did actually confront this person who then called us scroungers, both of us work. And I'll probably have to retire early which I'm very upset about. These people are just ignorant fools honestly x

Yeah but it's not their job to police the spaces is it.

They don't need a swipe card. They have a BLUE BADGE. It's displayed on their dashboard. That is all that is needed. Its not up to the challanger to challange this.

OP doesn’t owe anyone an explanation.
People aren’t asking because they care. People are asking because they are being confrontational and ignorant.

If someone came over to you and your mum and questioned why you’re parked there, you would be completely shocked and offended.

@PenguinCounter · Today 00:50

Why does it annoy you? Do people who know you doubt the extent of your illness or something?

My colleague is 25 and has a blue badge because of a heart condition. She looks like any other healthy 25 year old. We've been questioned before and she's just smiled and said "yes, it's my blue badge. I have a heart condition". That's it. Conversation over.

Sometimes people have gone to my car to look at the badge as we've continued walking but not in an aggressive or confrontational way. They just seem to want to satisfy themselves that she's telling the truth. It doesn't bother her. It wouldn't bother me if it was mine.

Bless that sweet summer child's soul. Smiling at the nosey intrusive stickybeaks. Wait til she is about 40, and has had this shit for 15+ years, being questioned over and over again as to why she is in a blue badge space. I bet she won't be smiling and explaining herself then. And do you seriously think all these nosey fuckers are going to be happy with her explanation? This kind of person who DEMANDS to know why she is in the blue badge space won't believe her!

Anyone who waltzed over to me and demanded to look at MY blue badge - if I had one, to 'satisfy themselves that I am telling the truth' would get such a loud 'FUCK RIGHT OFF NOW!' from me, that there would be a sonic boom overhead. Who the HELL do some people think they are?!

In my experience older people are no more or less likely to be dickheads about blue badges or disability in general than anyone else- but there is a general perception that elderly = ill/disabled/impaired in some way, and young and ‘normal’ looking= healthy.

I met 3 people at an event yesterday that I haven’t met in person before and they all did a double take when I rolled up in my chair (one even managed to do it twice in 10 minutes)- despite the fact that they have been told repeatedly that I’m disabled and a wheelchair user.

It got to the point I asked a photographer if my lipstick/clothes looked weird because I wondered if that was causing the reaction… nope, not that, so presumably just the ‘oh, she is actually disabled’ thing again.

I get more looks etc from middle aged ish people who are accompanying elderly people- they presume their mum is more in need of a bb space etc than 37 year old me.

My wife is my carer and she also finds that people sometimes don’t take her status as such seriously when they hear she cares for someone her age as opposed to an elderly person.

Ignore them. Why should you care about strangers' opinions. You've got the badge, you're entitled. End of story.