To want my glasses back?

[FlexibleFi]

More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

I went to a wedding June. I and three other friends from university days (14 years since we graduated) were invited and booked an AirBnB for a long weekend. We don't see a lot of each other but we have a WA group and message every few weeks. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up.

After years of being really hard up, I had a significant job change this year and for the first time splashed out on a few special things — including a rather fancy pair of designer glasses instead of Specsavers basics. The glasses are for reading and computer work, I don't need them for ordinary things. They're quite a mild prescription. All three friends at the AirBnB tried my posh spex on. One, I'll call her Rachel, commented that we must have the same prescription because she could read perfectly with them. She joshed me for spending so much money on them. A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.

We had a great busy and boozy weekend and when I got home I couldn't find my glasses anywhere, so I messaged the group to ask if anyone had picked them up accidentally. All said no. I messaged the AirBnB owner to ask if they'd been left there. No. Searched the car, searched everywhere. No sign of them. I'm not someone who often loses things.

Then this Sunday Joanne, one of the others in the wedding group sent a screenshot from FB of Rachel reading a menu in a restaurant while wearing a pair of glasses that look just like mine. Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB. By the time I managed to get onto FB (ancient account I rarely check) the image had gone — but I had the screenshot.

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne. Rachel's recently split from her long-term partner and she talked a lot while we were away of how difficult she's finding things financially at the moment.

They were £300. I could claim on travel insurance (I have annual travel insurance) or on my household contents, but then I'll have to pay more for premiums for the next few years.

Joanne has said she'll get involved if necessary but I don't want to ruin memories of a lovely weekend. I can't immediately afford to replace the spex with the same (I have a holiday booked and that will eat up my budget for the next month or two) so I'll have to order a pair of cheap prescription readers on the internet. WWYD?

😂😂😂

Now there's a perspective.

If she's reading this and is innocent it should certainly push her into getting that receipt out and if guilty she's probably shittng herself.

You are very generous to make allowances for her behaviour and she is probably resentful (consciously or not) about the greater success of her peers and their ability to have things she can't afford. But however you paint it, this is theft of an item of significant value (above the shoplifting threshold for prosecution) since I'm sure she would have promptly provided proof of purchase when it was first queried if she genuinely had bought her own. Claiming on insurance for something as lost when you know it was stolen and who has it would be fraudulent. She's put you in a horrible position and to be honest I'm not sure why any of the group of friends would want to continue the friendship with someone who can behave like this. If you don't get a result via your other friend, I would suggest a Whatsapp or text message to her saying that unless she can provide proof of purchase for the glasses you want them returned within 7 days or you will report the matter via 101 as that will give you the option to claim on your insurance as stolen.

It’s amazing how a fairly innocuous thread gets derailed, no wonder OP’s disappear. Of course it’s wrong to steal someone else’s possessions! I hate thieves and I don’t like CF’s and I am glad someone might be called to account for their actions.

Good luck @FlexibleFi , I hope you get your glasses back and please update us. Ignore the loons.

@MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot I know it's absolutely ridiculous.

Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB.

I feel like Joanne has not got enough praise on this thread for being an absolute hero of a friend for this 😂 may we all have a Joanne in times of crisis (stolen specs)

I'd ask Joanne to have a word with her, telling her you were really angry about this because it's the very first expensive purchase you've made for yourself, they cost £300,- and you had to save hard to get the money to buy them. Now everyone in the group is now definitely thinking that you stole them.

Get Joanne to tell her that you absolutely want to get the police involved, but she (Joanne) pleaded with her to please wait so that she (Joanne) could talk to Rachel first. Joanne than asks Rachel to provide proof of purchase (on-line bank statement, the booklet with the lens prescription etc.

If Rachel says she lost/can't find them, push further and jauntily say;
"Oh, ok, we really need to clear this up so which Optician was it? we can go there now and get their shop receipt! (all under the guise of Rachel being innocent and needing proof to tell Fi where to go etc.)

If Rachel flat out refuses then Joanne could warn her that the police will probably be paying her a visit and that Fi has a screenshot of the photograph that proves she took the glasses as evidence.

Tell her a criminal record for theft isn't ever going to help her employment prospects and will even restrict future travel one day, - is a pair of glasses really worth damaging her reputation, limiting employment prospects, wrecking future travel, and burning bridges with her entire/oldest friendship group? Anyone can "make a mistake" but not rectifying it makes it 10x worse. The glasses should however be returned in pristine condition.

IF she STILL refuses and it becomes obvious she really did do this, and the group STILL accepts her, then every time you are all together you might get catty and drop remarks like:

" Anna, watch your handbag, Rachel look like she's taken a fancy to it!" or "Julia, I'll mind your watch/Fitbit while you swim because then you can be sure it won't "accidently" go walkabout" ... all the while staring hard at Rachel. (made up names for sake of illustration).

THAT might backfire on your reputation though so maybe you need to go for the only other option left: the insurance claim.

It's really sad that someone needs to take things from others, if she continues to deny it then there may well be a rift in the friendship group.

I'm sorry this happened to you with someone you trusted.

Haven't read the whole thread but would Joanne be up for stealing them back for you?

She just needs to engineer a situation where Rachel puts them down on the table then distract her with an “oh look is that George Clooney over there?” and grab.

She can show on her payment card statement if she has thrown the receipt.

And that friend removed the photo? Rachel getting that photo removed is your proof that she stole them. Why else would she make the effort to ask a 3rd party to remove photo?
Also, 'her stealing your glasses and you showing kindness by not doing anything about it' makes no sense. Can't your friends see this theft is not a theft by a kid but by a grown woman who is refusing to give them back - it is more about betrayal, entitlement and lack of care for the friendship. It has nothing to do with her being poor. Also in cases where wealth difference creates this kind of dynamic, it is better to be friends with people at your income / wealth level.

Your ‘friend’ is blatantly lying and that is unacceptable. I couldn’t be friends with someone who thought they were deserving of something I had spent my hard earned money on just because they liked them but couldn’t afford them herself, she’s a blatant thief. People telling you to let it go are nuts. Why should you? I really hope you get your glasses back OP 🤞🏼

Well, contact this Rachel and say that you will have to replace your glasses but the shop you got yours from no longer has that style and you rather want that style. Ask her where she bought them from - and how much were they when she got hers, and did they give her the case as well? Check out the shop if she gives you the name - if she doesn't, then you will know for sure. So continue having meetings together - and you do what she has done.

Hope they are back now

I've not read all the comments so apologies if I'm repeating what others have said.

Each time I've ordered new glasses from Specsavers I've had a two week wait until collecting them - and I've never been able to get an appointment within a couple of days.

Was there time between your glasses 'disappearing' and the date of the FB photo for Rachel to get an appointment at her local branch, order the glasses with her prescription and actually collect them?

Now I know this is cheeky but could you phone her branch, give her name [pretend to be her!] and ask for the name of the frames as a friend wants to know?

The response could be quite telling!

@Healingvibes - the glasses did not come from Specsavers.

Do you really think this Rachel is going to make it another 20 years without pissing off someone else in the group? She’s a liar and a thief, and she’s going to do this kind of thing again sooner or later.

I’m guessing that she’s done poorly in life in part because she can’t control her impulses and is untruthful. And that she started off with smaller acts of dishonesty and has become more and more brazen over time, because everyone keep indulging her with the “poor Rachel” attitude.

There are a lot of posters on this thread who should have gone to Specsavers

I think people are just using Specsavers as an example, as they’re well known - I had new glasses earlier this year from an independent opticians, and they took about 3 weeks from eye test to picking them up. My parents used a different independent optician and, later on, Specsavers - it’s definitely not a process that only takes a few days, whoever you go to.

Yep! For a pair of bifocal binoculars.

I don't know about anyone else but I'm feeling very invested in this post. I literally made an account to comment. I don't know how I'm going to move on if we don't get an update from OP.

It will get to 1000 comments and we will never know 😂😂😂

Don't say that!🤣

848 now lol 😆

Can you think beyond you and your perfect group for a minute? There are people who can steal from friends.

What are the chances OP has lost her glasses, the ones Rachel liked so much and in that short duration Rachel has acquired exact same pair of her own.

Rachel is financially struggling but also managed to find some deal on these expensive designer glasses.

Her friend comment on her Facebook photo and she gets it deleted.

And, you are still talking about level of trust not shown by the OP.

Good thing you are no detective or a judge 😉

Jfc. 34 pages of this nonsense! When will it be time to move on?