To want my glasses back?

[FlexibleFi]

More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

I went to a wedding June. I and three other friends from university days (14 years since we graduated) were invited and booked an AirBnB for a long weekend. We don't see a lot of each other but we have a WA group and message every few weeks. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up.

After years of being really hard up, I had a significant job change this year and for the first time splashed out on a few special things — including a rather fancy pair of designer glasses instead of Specsavers basics. The glasses are for reading and computer work, I don't need them for ordinary things. They're quite a mild prescription. All three friends at the AirBnB tried my posh spex on. One, I'll call her Rachel, commented that we must have the same prescription because she could read perfectly with them. She joshed me for spending so much money on them. A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.

We had a great busy and boozy weekend and when I got home I couldn't find my glasses anywhere, so I messaged the group to ask if anyone had picked them up accidentally. All said no. I messaged the AirBnB owner to ask if they'd been left there. No. Searched the car, searched everywhere. No sign of them. I'm not someone who often loses things.

Then this Sunday Joanne, one of the others in the wedding group sent a screenshot from FB of Rachel reading a menu in a restaurant while wearing a pair of glasses that look just like mine. Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB. By the time I managed to get onto FB (ancient account I rarely check) the image had gone — but I had the screenshot.

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne. Rachel's recently split from her long-term partner and she talked a lot while we were away of how difficult she's finding things financially at the moment.

They were £300. I could claim on travel insurance (I have annual travel insurance) or on my household contents, but then I'll have to pay more for premiums for the next few years.

Joanne has said she'll get involved if necessary but I don't want to ruin memories of a lovely weekend. I can't immediately afford to replace the spex with the same (I have a holiday booked and that will eat up my budget for the next month or two) so I'll have to order a pair of cheap prescription readers on the internet. WWYD?

Agreed. Name calling and suicide shaming. Classy.

Totally

Theft is theft. Go to the police, report the glasses stolen & tell them who took them. You have a receipt, she doesn’t. £300 isn’t a small amount of money. She stole your glasses, you want 5hem back. No you should not let a thief get away with it just so no one else feels uncomfortable.

In my defence, the abuse suggested and "Destroy her" comment from the previous poster sparked my disgust at someone who was suggesting ruining someone's life for allegedly stealing glasses. It is this behaviour of keyboard warriors that leads to people taking their own lives which I certainly do not support.

Then why not simply say that, @bringoutthebranston?

Fwiw, I agree with you that saying the woman's life should be destroyed for the theft of the glasses, if proven, is extreme, but I also don't think it is reasonable for some posters to say the OP should just write off a £300 loss.

There is no defence. I was referring to someone who is NOT on mumsnet. You were directly attacking someone on it with name calling then lowering yourself to using suicide as a cheap swipe.

If inciting hatred against someone not on mumsnet sits well with you then ok.,, ill say no more.

Yep, only came back for an update.

To be honest you'd probably have come out of this with a bit more integrity if you just owned it. You were trying to make me look bad but all you did was make yourself look pretty unpleasant by using suicide as a cheap shot. Well played.

I’m sorry this has happened, plenty of people grew up in terrible backgrounds, I had multiple peoples sob stories fit into my childhood, you don’t steal from friends.

the whole ‘she was envious of a nice treat’ thing is manipulation, maybe things don’t go great for her due to her character?

wouldn’t someone going through a particularly hard financial time forgo trips away with friends? Everyone’s had to prioritise in the past

This isn't just about money. This is about being in a difficult place for a long time, and finally being able to break free of that and do something special for yourself. Those glasses represent how far you've come. So I really hope you get to the bottom of this, and get them back. If she has stolen them, I'd end this friendship. Not over 300 quid, but taking something that represented your growth. Keep us posted!

Claim on the insurance and be wary in the future. There's no way to truly prove she took them and your insurance premium won't be pushed up. It's horrible to feel you can't trust a long time friend but there doesn't seem to be much likelihood of Rachel confessing or giving the glasses to you. Unless this has been happening on other occasions and not noticed till now ,I would expect this has been triggered by her struggling at the moment. It doesn't excuse it but it at least may explain it. Given the response to this on mumsnet I'd be surprised if Rachel doesn't know it's on here, hence the lack of contact. This thread popped up in my email and probably has in thousands of others. Good luck.

So @FlexibleFi what happened last night? Do you have the glasses back?

Dying for an update here!

How do you know ‘Rachel’ isn’t on Mumsnet? Everyone is anonymous. Do you know her?

Rachel?

Nothing I have said, absolutely nothing justifies likening me to the ‘trolls’ who drove Caroline Flack to committing suicide. If you can’t see that was taking it way too far then there’s something not right with you either. Unsurprisingly the disgusting slur against me was deleted by MNHQ

Ginlfixit,,
No, she doesn’t but you need a lesson in manners and empathy!

Yeah, I don't think you will see those glasses again because of Schroedinger's thief probably using this wrong - if she admits it, then she is definitely a thief but if she style's it out then there's just the suspicion that she is.

She has already lost trust and the only other thing to do is to report, claim or let it go.

😊

And you need a lesson in not speaking on behalf of other people

Just a little back story on why I am so passionate about this kind of thing. Last year a neighbour I considered a trusted friend stole from me for the third time. The first two times a forgave them. They then went on to steal something of far greater value I could not replace. After the third occasion I cut them out of my life and never spoke to them again. Where did the empathy and forgiveness's I showed the first two times get me apart from walked all over? I should have just gone to the police the first time. Having forgiven twice I’d say I have more empathy than many, It just isn’t extended to people who steal from those closest to them because I’ve had it done to me and just like this case was then gaslighted by the thief into thinking I must have made a mistake. You can have empathy without having to have sympathy.

Nope, not this one 🤣 But she could easily be reading all of this even without an account.

@Pyewacketty "Nope, not this one 🤣 But she could easily be reading all of this even without an account."
particularly if she has new glasses to read with.

OP your friends suck - especially the ones prepared to let her get away with it because she's had a tough time - plenty of ppl have hard times and don't steal from their friends. That's complete BS and you have every right to be upset about it. How important are these friends to you, really? For what it's worth, I'd do the following:

Send Rachel a message, tell her you are sorry it's come to this but you have to report the loss / theft of the glasses to the police as you need a reference number to make a claim on your insurance and you wanted to give her the heads up that she may get a visit. (The police likely won't do anything but u may well need to make a report for the insurance claim anyway)

1. Put a message out in the WA group to explain to everyone that you have had to make a police report for the insurance claim and just want to apologise in advance if anyone feels you are accusing them of theft, but you have to be honest filing the insurance claim about what has happened because if the claim is investigated and it is found you lied you could end up in a lot of trouble.

1. See where the chips fall, it will likely implode the friendship group, but I'd honestly wonder how much value these friends are if one of them steals from you and the others are essentially telling you to turn a blind eye to it and make excuses for it.

I hope you get your glasses back that you worked hard to earn money for!