To want my glasses back?

[FlexibleFi]

More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

I went to a wedding June. I and three other friends from university days (14 years since we graduated) were invited and booked an AirBnB for a long weekend. We don't see a lot of each other but we have a WA group and message every few weeks. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up.

After years of being really hard up, I had a significant job change this year and for the first time splashed out on a few special things — including a rather fancy pair of designer glasses instead of Specsavers basics. The glasses are for reading and computer work, I don't need them for ordinary things. They're quite a mild prescription. All three friends at the AirBnB tried my posh spex on. One, I'll call her Rachel, commented that we must have the same prescription because she could read perfectly with them. She joshed me for spending so much money on them. A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.

We had a great busy and boozy weekend and when I got home I couldn't find my glasses anywhere, so I messaged the group to ask if anyone had picked them up accidentally. All said no. I messaged the AirBnB owner to ask if they'd been left there. No. Searched the car, searched everywhere. No sign of them. I'm not someone who often loses things.

Then this Sunday Joanne, one of the others in the wedding group sent a screenshot from FB of Rachel reading a menu in a restaurant while wearing a pair of glasses that look just like mine. Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB. By the time I managed to get onto FB (ancient account I rarely check) the image had gone — but I had the screenshot.

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne. Rachel's recently split from her long-term partner and she talked a lot while we were away of how difficult she's finding things financially at the moment.

They were £300. I could claim on travel insurance (I have annual travel insurance) or on my household contents, but then I'll have to pay more for premiums for the next few years.

Joanne has said she'll get involved if necessary but I don't want to ruin memories of a lovely weekend. I can't immediately afford to replace the spex with the same (I have a holiday booked and that will eat up my budget for the next month or two) so I'll have to order a pair of cheap prescription readers on the internet. WWYD?

That's nice. Thanks for the diagnosis.

She’s a thief. Pure and simple.
Those upthread bandying about the term “Karen” and making this your fault OP are probably the same sort of people who think if someone earns more than them and has something they like the look of, it’s fine to just take it.

Wonder how they’d feel if they were burgled by people less well off and something they’d saved hard for was stolen? Thought so.

@FlexibleFi
Claim your insurance, they were lost on holiday.
Don't mention possible thief. Nobody really steals other people's prescription specs.

The friendship is over. The boat has sailed ⛵️ Once the trust has gone its gone, and Rachel knows it.

As much as others in the group want it to carry on it's just not going to.
You and Joanne will never trust Rachel. Imagine going on a night out thinking i need to keep an eye out for sticky fingers.

Perhaps. But then wouldn't you just post a pic of the receipt. That would be a great way to shut it down. Unfortunately Rachel acted like a guilty person would.

How long does it take to get a pair of glasses?
For me, first I have to get an appointment - a week/ two weeks away, where I have an eye test, and choose my frames. Then it takes at least a week before I can get back in and have them fitted and checked.
The time frame here is June to July.
Rachael must have moved very fast if she really bought a pair for herself, bearing in mind she is also badly off, no time to accumulate £300.

Are you ABSOLUTELY SURE they’re yours? Designer frames can often be found on Vinted or depop for a fraction of the cost. I’ve seen Chanel ones for sale for £50/£60

There are also a lot of very convincing knockoff ones available.

You could ask her for bank statement proof/online order proof if she won’t show you a receipt I guess. If she’s a decent person she will show you, but it may mean she doesn’t speak to you again- your friendship could be ruined. But it’s going to be ruined anyway as if she doesn’t comply with proof you need to go to the police.

Up to a week if they have the lenses in stock and you have a valid prescription already. Longer if you need an eye test.

You can also buy glasses on credit e.g. pay something like £30 a month for 10 months at some opticians.

The kicker for me is that the OP said they are prescription, it is a weak prescription, the prescription is different for each eye and she has astigmatism. While it is likely that two friends or family members can both have weak prescriptions, it is very unlikely others close to you have exactly the same prescription at the same time. So Rachel has stolen glasses that if she wears them for more than an hour or so will screw up her depth perception, give her blurred vision, possibly headaches and may make her dizzy. I forgot to add I still remember my mum feeling sick when her prescription was wrong.

I got my appointment within a couple of days, and the glasses were ready within five days. It likely depends on where you live.

Good!! Serves her right 👍

Too busy reading.

I had a similar situation with a dress I took on holiday, pal loved it, then I came home without it.
Then who do I see in same dress on fb, pal!

I was raging, bloody cheek.

Then I found my dress in a wash bag, she had loved it so much she’d bought it herself.

Never so glad I’d kept my thoughts to myself!

So, if you have no proof, I’d leave it.

If Rachel had truly brought her own glasses she would have taken great pleasure in sharing a screen shot of the purchase details. Obvious.

Not much you can do other than suck it up or go nuclear.

But if I thought for a second two of my "mates" might suspect I'd nicked OPs glasses (especially because I'd been borrowing them all weekend) I'd say, hey I know we're not on the same page, but just to let you know I've bought the same pair of glasses you've lost, here's proof! Just so I could nip any rumour mill in the bud and they couldn't shit stir around the rest of the friend group. I wouldn't act like I'd actually nicked them to prove a point. 😅

I an ex opticians employee. The chances of two people having the same prescription, especially the difference between the two eyes, is slim to none. Off the peg reading glasses, yes, but not prescription glasses.

Secondly, if you take a pair of glasses into any high street opticians then will have a machine that can check the prescription in a pair of glasses. I bet if you went in one and asked them to check the prescription they would do.

Finally if she bought them in a high street optician then the will have a record. The same for online.

Yes it can be proved. We’ve been told that they are prescription glasses. The chance of 2 people having an identical prescription is vanishingly small. An optometrist can see what prescription each lense is. The friend can suggest going with the person who has the glasses to her own optometrist to check whether or not the glasses fit that person’s prescription. If she’s faking it, she won’t want to do that. If she truly believes that the glasses are hers, then this is the way to find out.

I am glad you picked up on that too. I grew up poor and hate this kind of middle class assumptions about poor people. Rachel can get fucked as can all the people who make excuses for her shitty behaviour.

I would think that type of spec frame would be rather limited in numbers. My fancy pair broke after a few months and I returned them to the supplier. Only 1 pair were still available from another shop.

moving forward, whether you get these frames back or not, I believe the group dynamic will change.

You will all now be cautious about leaving anything of value about Rachel. You will always be on the look out she doesn’t help herself to something that isn’t hers… so if I were Rachel, I would have stumped up the receipt or screen shot of my paying bank account, just to knock that on the head and everyone could move on..

if it’s Rachel, she will realise everyone has seen the photo and my guess she will wean herself away from you all anyhow.

any chance the original poster could be asked why she removed the photo and by who? That would be pretty telling.

Claiming on insurance only works if the excess is low.
My content insurance excess is £250. So for a £300it would not be worth it.

Whats your excess OP?

I might try for a bluff first. Like how you now need to log it either the police etc.

Claim them back on your insurance, then give her your old glasses case as her next birthday present, make sure your gift is made publicly. Nicely wrapped of course. There's a point to be made here, but you must come out of it not looking petty or spiteful. A little humour goes a long way...

Agree it's not a poor thing, and anyone suggesting that is clearly stupid. If anything 'poor' people are the most generous because they know what it's like to work hard and still have to go without, ime

I thought you said you were bowing out?

I wouldn't be surprised if she ghosts the entire group. It will be that or she will come out with a distracting sob story to avoid the issue and so nobody is mean enough to confront the sad person.
I think we all know she took them at this stage. If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck. I don't know anyone who, when accused of something they absolutely didn't do, wouldn't go all out to prove the accuser wrong. I'd be so angry about being wrongly told I'd stolen something I'd be providing multiple pieces of evidence with detailed photos. I wouldn't be hiding away letting someone ruin my name.

Didn't something similar happen in SATC? A bag or shoes possibly. Can't recall how it ended though !