AIBU to get a back up as I don’t like flower girl dress?

Zebedee2024 · 2024-07-17T07:13:57+00:00

My daughter is a flower girl at her aunties wedding in August. Her auntie ordered her a dress and got it sent straight to our house. I really really do not like it at all. It’s very thick long sleeve almost down to the ankles, my daughter can’t walk yet and due to it being so long she can’t crawl in it so is getting very frustrated by it. AIBU to buy something else and change her into it after the ceremony is over?

PeriIsKickingMyButt · 17/07/2024 08:14

Change after photos? No problem

Bakersdozens · 17/07/2024 08:14

Why would that be an issue?

Pottedpalm · 17/07/2024 08:18

Have you told the bride it’s unsuitable? Too thick, long and uncomfortable, sorry, she can’t wear that. Offer to help choose something more suitable.
Apart from that, what on earth is the point of a non-walking infant being a flower girl; ridiculous!

Original poster

Zebedee2024 · 17/07/2024 08:18

I don’t know how to reply directly lol never used this before. Just because the dress was very expensive and I’m under the impression my SIL thinks she will be wearing it all day

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Pottedpalm · 17/07/2024 08:19

TALK to her!

Original poster

Zebedee2024 · 17/07/2024 08:21

Pottedpalm · 17/07/2024 08:18

Have you told the bride it’s unsuitable? Too thick, long and uncomfortable, sorry, she can’t wear that. Offer to help choose something more suitable.
Apart from that, what on earth is the point of a non-walking infant being a flower girl; ridiculous!

I have told my MIL but not the bride I don’t want to upset her as she loves it.. my daughter is actually a toddler just a very very late walker

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DrinkFeckArseBrick · 17/07/2024 08:21

I agree, talk to her. Tell her it's a beautiful dress and you're happy to put it on for photos but your daughter keeps crying and pulling at it because she can't crawl in it

CelesteCunningham · 17/07/2024 08:22

SIL won't even notice on the day, just change her after the photos. Don't get a second flower girl style dress so it doesn't look like you're making a point. Don't make a big deal or overthink now.

TeenToTwenties · 17/07/2024 08:22

Your DD can't walk yet and is going to be a flower girl in 2-6 weeks time?
This has disaster written all over it even before you factor in the dress, surely?

Original poster

Zebedee2024 · 17/07/2024 08:24

TeenToTwenties · 17/07/2024 08:22

Your DD can't walk yet and is going to be a flower girl in 2-6 weeks time?
This has disaster written all over it even before you factor in the dress, surely?

I know haha but this wedding has been planned since she was a newborn and we honestly all thought she’d be walking by now and she still isn’t! She’s 20 months old so we were sure she’d be walking and they are still hoping she will be by August but she’s showing zero signs she’s not even stood unaided yet

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MissScarletInTheBallroom · 17/07/2024 08:25

"Hello bride. Thanks for the flower girl dress which arrived this week. Happy for DD to wear it during the ceremony and for the photos but afterwards I plan to change her into something more comfortable because she won't be able to crawl in this dress. Just wanted to give you a heads up in advance. Looking forward to seeing everyone for the wedding next month!"

LaMarschallin · 17/07/2024 08:26

So, is your daughter going to crawl up the aisle after your SiL?
Or are you going to push her in a pushchair?
I'd say she's not a "toddler" if she's not actually toddling - my 1st DD was a late walker too and I was never quite sure what to call her!

Edited for random capital letter

Scarletrunner · 17/07/2024 08:26

Tell her you were worried her beautiful fg dress might get dirty/ spoiled so brought the other for after the ceremony

KreedKafer · 17/07/2024 08:26

I don’t understand how a child who isn’t even walking age can be a flower girl.

But yes, change her into something else after the ceremony and photos - she’ll be grumpy if she’s uncomfortable and I’m sure the bride would rather a cheerful baby at the reception than a fractious one!

Original poster

Zebedee2024 · 17/07/2024 08:27

LaMarschallin · 17/07/2024 08:26

So, is your daughter going to crawl up the aisle after your SiL?
Or are you going to push her in a pushchair?
I'd say she's not a "toddler" if she's not actually toddling - my 1st DD was a late walker too and I was never quite sure what to call her!

Edited for random capital letter

Edited

The plan is she will either hold a bridesmaid hand or push her walker down the aisle both of which will be a total disaster and she will not do either but I have told them she won’t do it (she’s extremely clingy to me) but they’re not having any of it so I’m just leaving them to it and let them discover on the day she’s not gonna do it

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LaMarschallin · 17/07/2024 08:28

Zebedee2024

Right, I see.
Oh dear...

Changingplace · 17/07/2024 08:29

Just tell her, she’s not a mind reader and making alternative plans is just passive aggressive - you’re creating this into a drama. If you’re close enough for your daughter to be a flower girl you can call her up and talk about the dress.

Is it your partners sister getting married? Can’t he talk to her about the dress and reiterate about her not walking up the aisle.

CelesteCunningham · 17/07/2024 08:30

Zebedee2024 · 17/07/2024 08:27

The plan is she will either hold a bridesmaid hand or push her walker down the aisle both of which will be a total disaster and she will not do either but I have told them she won’t do it (she’s extremely clingy to me) but they’re not having any of it so I’m just leaving them to it and let them discover on the day she’s not gonna do it

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Would they let you carry her? If you're not in a bridesmaid dress it would be obvious you're not in the bridal party but she is. You'd just be a well dressed mobility aid.

My DD was flower girl at 3 months, I was a bridesmaid and carried her. I thought flower girl was just a nice way to include little girls in the family, I didn't think walking was an essential part of the job description.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 17/07/2024 08:30

Zebedee2024 · 17/07/2024 08:24

I know haha but this wedding has been planned since she was a newborn and we honestly all thought she’d be walking by now and she still isn’t! She’s 20 months old so we were sure she’d be walking and they are still hoping she will be by August but she’s showing zero signs she’s not even stood unaided yet

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Unrelated to the flower girl dress but have you seen a doctor about this? She could just be a late developer but you should get her assessed just in case.

In a way this should make the dress issue easier to deal with.

"Hi bride, as you know DD still isn't walking, we all thought she would be before the wedding but she still isn't really showing any signs of being ready. That means the flower girl dress isn't really appropriate for her stage of development because she won't be able to crawl in it. Obviously still very happy for her to wear it for the ceremony and photos when she'll be being held, but after that I plan to put her in something she'll be able to crawl in, because we can't keep her in our arms all day! Hope this is OK with you, I know the dress was expensive and you want your photos to look just right."

Original poster

Zebedee2024 · 17/07/2024 08:31

Changingplace · 17/07/2024 08:29

Just tell her, she’s not a mind reader and making alternative plans is just passive aggressive - you’re creating this into a drama. If you’re close enough for your daughter to be a flower girl you can call her up and talk about the dress.

Is it your partners sister getting married? Can’t he talk to her about the dress and reiterate about her not walking up the aisle.

Edited

Thing is we are not close at all, they live in Scotland we are down south we hardly see them and I never talk to her unless it’s face to face which is a few times a year at birthdays and Christmas etc. I think she’s a flower girl just because they felt it was the correct thing to do as the first baby in the family for a long time.

OP posts:

Original poster

Zebedee2024 · 17/07/2024 08:34

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 17/07/2024 08:30

Unrelated to the flower girl dress but have you seen a doctor about this? She could just be a late developer but you should get her assessed just in case.

In a way this should make the dress issue easier to deal with.

"Hi bride, as you know DD still isn't walking, we all thought she would be before the wedding but she still isn't really showing any signs of being ready. That means the flower girl dress isn't really appropriate for her stage of development because she won't be able to crawl in it. Obviously still very happy for her to wear it for the ceremony and photos when she'll be being held, but after that I plan to put her in something she'll be able to crawl in, because we can't keep her in our arms all day! Hope this is OK with you, I know the dress was expensive and you want your photos to look just right."

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Hi yes it’s currently being monitored. She has absolutely no issues cruising, climbing (she tried climbing over the fence the other day!), walking holding hands but just will not stand alone at all or take any steps.

that’s great thank you!

OP posts:

Didimum · 17/07/2024 08:34

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 17/07/2024 08:30

Unrelated to the flower girl dress but have you seen a doctor about this? She could just be a late developer but you should get her assessed just in case.

In a way this should make the dress issue easier to deal with.

"Hi bride, as you know DD still isn't walking, we all thought she would be before the wedding but she still isn't really showing any signs of being ready. That means the flower girl dress isn't really appropriate for her stage of development because she won't be able to crawl in it. Obviously still very happy for her to wear it for the ceremony and photos when she'll be being held, but after that I plan to put her in something she'll be able to crawl in, because we can't keep her in our arms all day! Hope this is OK with you, I know the dress was expensive and you want your photos to look just right."

Show quote history

Unrelated to the flower girl dress but have you seen a doctor about this? She could just be a late developer but you should get her assessed just in case.

🙄

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 17/07/2024 08:35

Zebedee2024 · 17/07/2024 08:27

The plan is she will either hold a bridesmaid hand or push her walker down the aisle both of which will be a total disaster and she will not do either but I have told them she won’t do it (she’s extremely clingy to me) but they’re not having any of it so I’m just leaving them to it and let them discover on the day she’s not gonna do it

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Yikes. And they won't be told at all?

I think I'd try again...

"I'm a bit worried about potentially messing up your wedding ceremony. I really don't think DD can be "trained" to push a baby walker up the aisle and I think she's likely to scream if we try and get her to go with one of the bridesmaids rather than me. What's the plan B? I could carry her up the aisle myself if you really want her there. Or she could just sit in my lap and look sweet in her dress."

TheDarkMonarch · 17/07/2024 08:39

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 17/07/2024 08:21

I agree, talk to her. Tell her it's a beautiful dress and you're happy to put it on for photos but your daughter keeps crying and pulling at it because she can't crawl in it

I'd basically do this and, if chatting to the bride later that day, say it was a beautiful dress but because she was crawling around in it, I changed her so the dress wasn't ruined.

CelesteCunningham · 17/07/2024 08:40

Zebedee2024 · 17/07/2024 08:31

Thing is we are not close at all, they live in Scotland we are down south we hardly see them and I never talk to her unless it’s face to face which is a few times a year at birthdays and Christmas etc. I think she’s a flower girl just because they felt it was the correct thing to do as the first baby in the family for a long time.

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Don't overthink it. I doubt they're thinking much about this, they have a thousand other things to organise and in their minds they've done the right thing by asking her and ordered a dress so it's ticked off the list.

Presumably you'll see them the day before the wedding if you have to travel? Just ask the bride casually what she'd like you to do if DD won't walk or crawl by herself - carry her yourself or just take her out? Don't mention the dress.

Then buy a white cotton sundress and change her after the photos. If anyone comments just say you were worried she'd wreck the dress crawling or eating so you thought it best to change her as the dress is so lovely you'd hate to ruin it.

Your DD is important to you but she'll hardly be registering for them.