AIBU to get a back up as I don’t like flower girl dress?

[Zebedee2024]

My daughter is a flower girl at her aunties wedding in August. Her auntie ordered her a dress and got it sent straight to our house. I really really do not like it at all. It’s very thick long sleeve almost down to the ankles, my daughter can’t walk yet and due to it being so long she can’t crawl in it so is getting very frustrated by it. AIBU to buy something else and change her into it after the ceremony is over?

I think this is what I’ll end up doing tbh and god knows how the wedding breakfast will go! She refuses to stay in a high chair at home she climbs out so she has her own toddler table and chair which obviously she won’t have at the wedding. I am looking forward to it but I think it’s just going to be very stressful for me and my husband*

Yep! My DD didn't cheer up even after the ceremony, so I had to ring a family member to come and collect her! They brought her back for the evening reception and she was fine by then! But your wedding is presumably in Scotland? So not an option I don't imagine.
Good luck!

Hahaa! Luckily my daughter is a little dot 🤣

OP, be a bit more assertive - are you going to let your young daughter be uncomfortable and frustrated all day because you won’t speak up on something that’s very very fixable?

Unless it was literally made for her, your SIL will be able to exchange it.If it was made for her, and your SIL really wants her to wear it, she can get someone alter the length.

Ow dear! Sorry OP the bride and MIL obviously have no idea. Your DD could still be walking by the wedding you never know. DS didn’t crawl and walked straight off at almost 14 months.

DD was also a flower girl when she was young. SIL asked when she was a baby fortunately by the ceremony she could walk but she was still very young I think about 14 months and still understandably only in nappies. Like your SIL mine posted us a dress and I wasn’t keen it was a sleeveless dress and the wedding was in December no cape or coat etc. In the end I could see why it was chosen as it was very similar to
the brides dress but it really stressed me out and I had visions of DD tripping up and really injuring herself. She also sent DD some gorgeous but totally unsuitable little shoes to wear from Monsoon in the wrong size. I asked if DD could please wear her own shoes as she was only just walking and the dress was so long they were barely visible (and she would have more chance of staying upright which was agreed).

The brides (unrealistic) expectation after meeting DD twice some time ago was by the time the wedding arrived DD would just go to brides house to have her hair done on the morning (she had met her twice some time ago and didn’t realise she was still practically bald by the wedding date) and arrive at the church with the main wedding party (not sure who would be able to change her nappy or calm her down if she got upset) in a sleeveless long dress (with no coat). We contacted the bride to ask if we bought her a shrug or furry cape if she could wear either of those to arrive in and in and in church which was agreed (she wore both as we even had snow). We explained about the hair situation and explained DD would be better with us until the actual ceremony as she was only little and as family lived away she didn’t really know them well. We agreed DH would wait with her at the back of the church until the bridesmaid she knew a little arrived, then he would take his seat) just as well as the bridal party were extremely late. DD walked down the aisle with the bridesmaid she knew and then rushed to my arms and promptly fell asleep in my arms for the duration of the ceremony. The photos took an eternity (but we scooped DD off on a slightly extended car journey so her and her slightly older brother who was over tired could have a sleep in the car so they weren’t too tired and grumpy later. This worked a treat I carried a handbag and a massive pram bag with small toys, some treats, books and snacks). This was a godsend but by the time we got to sit down to food all my snacks had been used up and the kids and all other guests were starving.

It ended up a lovely day. I had really got myself stressed prior to the wedding and communication was done via MIL
as I didn’t know the bride well (which added to my stress levels). The bride was lovely when I spoke to her and I should have gone to her first she just had unrealistic expectations about babies/toddlers. Speak to the bride OP. Like ours if you explain to the bride I am sure it will be a lovely day enjoyed by all.

Why lie? It’s not offensive or a faux pas to discuss altering or exchanging the dress to something a bit more suitable for a young child.

My daughter was a flower girl when she was about 15 months. She was walking at the time, but only just. We just sat out the aisle walking bit.
I also changed her dress during the meal.

My two were flower girl and page boy at a colleague of DH’s wedding. They could both walk but were too little not to freak out when it came to it, so in the event the bride was preceded up the aisle by… DH, her manager, clutching a nervous looking toddler in each hand.

Hahaha that’s made me chuckle 🤣🤣

Just leave her in the dress for the service and photos. Then change her. If anyone comments say that your daughter is a messy eater so you changed her so the dress would not get stained etc. You did this because the dress is so expensive and in case the bride ever has a little girl that she wants to pass on the beautiful dress.

In regards to being flower girl they will soon learn that your daughter has her own mind.

I would just bring the spare clothes and change after the photos. If it is a long time since there have been young dc they probably won't have much understanding of their limitations. I would say that four is probably the youngest that they might reasonably expect a child to be an active part of a wedding party, except possibly with a very close member of their family actively involved.

All of ours were later walking, but one of them I think just didn't realise that she could walk independently. She would hold on to our little finger for ages, then (and I know this will sound controversial but this was a long time ago) I put her in reins and let her see that she could stand and walk without holding on but we would be able to stop her falling. After about 6 steps and when she could see she actually could walk without holding on to us she started running and didn't need the reins anymore. Like your dd she was very articulate so I could explain to her what we were doing.

Ask if you can bring another dress for her to change into after the photos, it's not fair on your DD to be in an uncomfortable dress all day.

@Zebedee2024 just to add, the last 2 family weddings I have been to, the bride has changed post service and photos, let alone any of the guests. So I shouldn't worry on that score 😀

My DNiece was about the same age as your DD at her mums wedding. I was bridesmaid and she was supposed to walk down the aisle with her sister and me behind. DN got to the start and refused to walk as everyone was looking at her. I ended up having to pick her up under one arm as I had my flowers in the other hand and carry her down the aisle.

Yes the OP is aware of that ... because she said it. It's unnecessary (and I'd wager that the OP found it irritating) to have someone weigh in about her health and developmental parenting obligations on a completely unrelated issue.

Dd was same and hypermobile . Walked at 24 months first steps very wobbly.
Physio can help.

I would just say that you do have to stand up for yourself sometimes if your DHs family is quite ahem strong willed/opinionated about what you should be doing with your children.
I have this a bit with my own DHs family and had issues at weddings where I was uncomfortable. With my first I used to go along with it but now with my second I’ve been determined to just say no sorry but not suitable, I’ll be doing this and this etc

What a weird response. The child is the bride's niece. Why shouldn't they be dressed as a flower girl for the wedding?!

Is anyone else desperate to see a pic of the lovely dress ?
Any chance @Zebedee2024 ?

It’s definitely something I’m trying to work on as I am like this in life in general not just them I hate confrontation and often don’t stand up for my self when I should but I’m trying hard to change this as I don’t want my daughter to be like me so b this regard

Just get your DH to carry her down the aisle. Anything more than that is ridiculous. Weddings just get more & more bonkers.

as I don’t want my daughter to be like me so b this regard

Just out of interest-what's your husband's take on it all?

Where is he on standing up for his daughter & you whilst you are still finding it difficult?

Because basically no mother in the world won't have seen a medical professional about this for reassurance, that was no doubt why that poster did an eyeroll. Probably because a lot of people reading eye rolled in real life. I know I did.

Yes, this.

And while you’re talking to her ask the bride if she wants all eyes to be on her or on a barely toddler age child who is not going to walk down the aisle and is likely to make her feelings known.

My DGD was a flower girl at her uncle’s wedding recently. There were no older bridesmaids but 3 flower girls (all walking but all under 2 ) and a sailor suited page, aged three. The bride had envisioned them all walking up the aisle holding hands, picturesquely.

It went about as well as you can imagine- two yards in, one had escaped into a pew, another sat on the floor singing loudly, the other two made it up the aisle in parents arms, wriggling. The photos featured flower wreaths at all angles, a dress skirt lifted over the head to show voluminous petticoats and a page boy who stood still as long as he could hold up his rather ratty dinosaur in front of his face.

Instagrammable for all the wrong reasons.