AIBU to get a back up as I don’t like flower girl dress?

[Zebedee2024]

My daughter is a flower girl at her aunties wedding in August. Her auntie ordered her a dress and got it sent straight to our house. I really really do not like it at all. It’s very thick long sleeve almost down to the ankles, my daughter can’t walk yet and due to it being so long she can’t crawl in it so is getting very frustrated by it. AIBU to buy something else and change her into it after the ceremony is over?

My (non-walking) niece was a flower girl at my wedding. A bridesmaid carried her down the aisle, and she wore her cute but impractical dress for the ceremony and then changed straight into a onesie!

Haha I’m worried they will post this on Facebook they seem to do that a lot and I don’t want anyone recognising the dress and knowing who I am lol ( a number of people know what the dress looks like!)

Hahaha this made me laugh!! I am going to assume they don’t have their own kids yet otherwise they would have known this was never going to work ahah

It’s definitely something I’m trying to work on as I am like this in life in general not just them I hate confrontation and often don’t stand up for my self when I should but I’m trying hard to change this as I don’t want my daughter to be like me so b this regard

This event may be where your DD shows her strong-willed paternal heritage ... except for the literal standing up bit.

Honestly, why are you going along with it? Why put everyone through that - your daughter, the poor bridesmaid who will have to try to manage her, the bride, and yourself, instead Having her as a flower girl was a lovely idea, but clearly (as things stand) she simply is isn't be able to do it, and none of the alternatives work either. It just adds unnecessary drama to an already stressful day.

At that age, if they are walking independently, you can get the situation we had at my brother-in-law's wedding. Youngest was 15 months, not long walking, had a nice black eye or similar. He and I weren't a formal part of the wedding party thank goodness! His older sister, 4 the day before, managed beautifully as flowergirl - but as soon as the photos were done we needed to slip her arm back into a sling as she'd broken her collarbone earlier that week ...

Because the bride has a vision and the baby will need to be carried down the aisle anyway. Quick change after photos, bride isn't stressed beforehand, job done. It's hardly a massive lie and everyone gets what they want.

None of their own and none in her immediate family so I don’t think she had any idea. The little ones were all cousins on the groom’s side and everyone tried, gently, to talk her out of it ( and why parents various were ready to pounce to prevent further carnage) There had also been an initial insistence on skiddy hard soled silver shoes which she did cancel after it was pointed out that ancient polished stone flooring and lethally shod toddlers might not be the best idea !

MY DD was very late walking, but she is super agile now - a great gymnast and dancer. She is also very academic. I was worried at the time, but like you, I could see that her general mobility, and indeed her general ability, were good and once she got going with walking there was no stopping her!

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I would very much say the opposite and don't bother her. Otherwise the story of the buildup will be PFB OP getting worked up, whereas realistically the flower girl is the tiniest part of the day and the bride and groom won't care what happens on the day as they'll be distracted. Just let it happen on the day, it'll be grand.

There doesn’t need to be a ‘story of the build up’. When did we lose the ability to speak and voice concerns?

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to put a young child in something more comfortable after the ceremony and photos. It’s always good to have a back up for spillages and nappy/toilet accidents anyway!

Can you shorten it above the knees so she can crawl or walk if she decides she can all of a sudden. You could shorten the sleeves as well, not really a huge job to modify it, if Aunty doesn't mind.

Obviously get the dress shortened first. Then once it's a bit more manageable, if she's wearing tights, can you tuck the dress into her tights after the ceremony, so she can crawl?

I wouldn't take it on myself to shorten or alter the dress in any way. I would definitely change her into something comfortable after the photos and, if asked. I would say that I didn't want the dress to get torn or dirty.

Let them do the pretty dress for the ceremony and photos. Then change her into something more suitable for crawling around in, don't make a big fuss over it and if anyone asks say she spilled a whole juice carton/ had a nappy explosion/ got covered in food etc. With a flippant it's what happens with toddlers expression!

I'd do whatever will keep the baby happy. They aren't toys or accessories.

I would probably just wear the dress during the ceremony and for photo purposes and then pop to the loo and change her into a top and leggings? In a subtle way so as not to offend her!

You’re being more than reasonable suggesting she change after the ceremony! If it were me I’d be refusing to let her wear it at all. What a ridiculous outfit for a non walking baby/toddler! Did the bride know nothing about infants and expect she would be walking? I doubt the bride will care what she wears after the ceremony. If you think she will, claim there was a vomitting incident/poo explosion

I’d happen to have a backup regardless (bought or borrowed, ideally 2nd hand so it didn’t look like I’d ignored the brides wishes) - a child that age is very likely to have a nappy leak/accident or get food down it. If there’s a heat wave then she’d need to be in something lighter and I’m sure everyone would understand.

I’d try and get the chosen dress worn for the ceremony/photos at least to prevent drama if you don’t think it’s likely Bride will be receptive to changing the current dress.

Also, I’d ask what the backup plan is about walking down the aisle if DC is too upset or won’t let you go. I wouldn’t be comfortable letting DC get upset in search of a cute photo but it is nice they want to include DC and she might surprise you and then you’d have some cute photos 🥰. I hope it works out well!

Also, I’d ask what the backup plan is about walking down the aisle if DC is too upset or won’t let you go.

I think it'd be better to just quietly have a sensible backup - the groomsman DH carrying/walking her sounds like the best bet.

My niece was a flower girl and she wasn't walking.

She was wheeled down the aisle by the chief bridesmaid in her little bike which had been decorated in the same flowers as the bouquet. Is that an option?

Her mammy was waiting at the side to take her and sat a row behind at the end of the bridesmaid.

I would wait until after all the photos are done and then change her. You can get baby grows and little t-shirts that say ‘flower girl- date- names’ on that are quite cute. Perhaps you could change her for food?

I don’t think it’s up to you to like it or not though. It’s the brides big day and she’s bought the dress. Just do what you can and don’t worry about it.

If she can walk with just one hand holding her it sounds like she can walk just prefers not to. Dad going with her down the aisle sounds perfect