My Dh just said I did drugs

[FeatherBoas]

My DH just said I did drugs I never did, the worst was probably a drag on my mum's (stolen) cigarette when I was about ten, I once lit a cigarette for a boy friend while he was driving many years ago. I don't, never did smoke, never have done any illegal drugs, I had friends who did weed, I didn't, I once saw people doing heroin I didn't. I feel really upset why did he say this and when I said I never did he's still saying I did, ridiculous but it seems like he's talking about someone else, he has had a few drinks. We've been together for many years where has this come from? I was in tears with my adult DD.

There's nothing worse than someone accusing you of doing something you absolutely didn't do and then doubling down when you deny it

Why is he that drunk though on a Monday night? Does he drink regularly? He sounds like a complete wanker tbh

Never said just you took drugs, I was too bemused to really ask just said you know I never did. I've hardly taken prescription drugs, have no health problems and rarely take paracetamol etc. It was totally bizarre and out of the blue.

An ex would accuse me of all sorts, be adamant I had done X Y & Z, to the point I believed some of it.
He was an abusive, gaslighting wanker.
Does this describe your husband?
Or do you frequently disagree when you both drink?
Is there alcohol dependency in the relationship?

This sounds horrible OP. It’s ok to be upset about it and you’re not over-reacting. It would really mess with my head if my husband kept saying something about me that he knew wasn’t true. It’s gaslighting - something which is also happening on this thread, in my opinion.

Good for all the cool people on this thread for whom illegal drugs are no big deal but that’s not the case for everybody.

Does he often get this drunk and if so does he often act like this when he is? He
doesn’t sound very nice.

He does drink too much but normally OK with it, this was just horrible.

Just say "well clearly I must've been on drugs when I married you" and shrug.

There must be a back story to this. Does he generally undermine you? Lie about you? If this was just some BS joke he was making up and the marriage was otherwise strong, and the lie wouldn't affect your career (teacher, police etc), then you could just say 'yeah love but at least I don't see prostitutes, watch porn etc'. Crying seems extreme. he must have done something else to really get to you.

The worst thing was he sounded like he knew it was true, but he must really know it isn't. Just baffled and really upset.

I get it: he misrepresents you in front of your dd. But here is the thing: you are upset . Why are you upset? You need to really think about that.

Because since you know its not true there is something else going on. Your dh is drunk and says stupid/false things then “forgets” and is hostile so you can’t ever get an apology. If he’d insisted that your favorite colour was green when its red would you be upset? Would you feel like you needed to do more than make fun of him tomorrow for being such a dope that he doesn’t know what you like? No! You could easily handle that sort of drunken error.

What makes this different? Its an insult—he means it that way. Its false—he knows that. It shamed you in front of your daughter—he meant it to. But because you and he have normalized shitty behavior you cant brace him on it.

The reason you are upset is that you can’t redress the wrong, you can’t tell him that you are upset since he will just pretend it never happened. Or you have no right to be insulted because he was drunk and its not true. What a catch 22!

You should care about yourself more and stop accepting “I was drunk” as an all purpose fuck off from your dh.

Bemused would be a normal Al reaction, what had led from that to a total overreaction?

Clearly he's a bit of a knob but why the extreme reaction?

A friend of my mum did this -

Group of friends having dinner & drink at their's, sat around the living room. The pissed husband throwing unfunny jibes at mum's friend who just absorbed it & ignored him till she'd had enough & said to him, across the room & calm as fuck, loud & clear in front of all their friends -

'Do you remember when you asked me to piss on you?'

Then carried on like nothing had happened.
Apparently he stfu hella quick.

Oh please do this.

No, dont say nothing.
Wait a couple of days untill you are both sober, and then ask him what he meant by it, and not to repeat slanderous accusations.
You are a separate individual and he has no right to make untrue accusations.
Of course its painful, I get that.

There are presumably wider issues here than him making something up/blatently lying - people don’t generally end up in tears when a drunken idiot talks shit unless there is more to it. Leave it for now, and discuss it in the morning, or a day or two.

Why do you care so much what he thinks OP? @FeatherBoas

Could he just be remembering an ex?

Yes. I'd say something like give over, you're talking shit.

Hello! Her husband who is supposed to love and support her more than anyone is trying to gaslight her and mess with her head! Of course she’s bloody upset!

Normally I would say you are overreacting, but... The "he won't remember in the morning" and "mis-remembers things I say" tells me UANBU.
Does he gaslight you often?

He’s hammered on a Monday evening and randomly talking about you doing drugs ….

He needs to get to bed.

OP, what is his temperament like generally? Is he a nice and loving husband? Or does he have form to act like this, drunk or not?

Seems like there is a wider problem going on.

I think maybe some people on here don't realise how upsetting it is if someone you really care for says something really hurtful, it's easy to say you shouldn't be upset or cry, not so easy to do. If you don't care about the person it's really easy to ignore nasty comments and not be upset or make an equally nasty retort. Thanks for every ones insights. I'm sure it will be better in the morning although I'm not sure I can forgive and forget, for a while yet anyway.

What drugs, when, how much and how often? A drag of a spliff many years ago or banging a cocktail of heroin and crack into his femoral vein for years? I am using extremes to illustrate my point but context is very relevant.

Why are you with this knob?

How old is he, @FeatherBoas? You might want to have a word with the GP and get him checked out.

You posted this in AIBU, so you need to accept that people will disagree with you.
I too don’t understand why this is such a big deal. He sounds like an annoying dick though and i certainly wouldn’t want to deal with him any more tonight.