To think this is scandalous yet in plain sight because the patriarchy has no shame

[Webjisroommate]

A year ago I separated from my DD’s father and she was in the middle of her first year of nursery. He paid the cms amount every month, without fail. This was 360 a month, even though I was left to pay over 1,300 on nursery fees alone. Obviously the situation has now changed slightly with the hours but his 360 contribution is quite literally nowhere near half her costs. I have spoken about this with other mum friends and have learned that 360 is actually pretty fortunate! Some women are being paid less than 200 and others have to chase cms when their ex is self employed. I was not aware of any of this before having Dd.

My career is now hugely clipped as I am doing 95% of childcare while ex sees her a day a week… the day I use mostly to clean and get the house in order to start the week again. And yes, I suggested 50/50, he didn’t want that.

I honestly feel like this is a huge joke player on women in plain sight while nothing is actually done about it?! I also can’t fathom how HMRC can chase tax from the self employed but Cms can’t chase these men to pay for their children. It’s a disgrace. Why is this allowed to happen?!

You're moving the goalposts to be 'overwhelmed'. The original statement referred to getting stressed by basic life tasks.

Sure, but they still experience stress. It's just bullshit to say anyone is immune to stress. There's no human being who can honestly say that.

Huh? Parental stress is the feeling of being overwhelmed. What the hell do you think it is?

I know it's possible to be overwhelmed. I was so overwhelmed when I got cancer diagnosis.

I think it may depend on being able to have control over stuff. For example I have control over laundry, school crap etc, but not over illness and accidents.

And it's not a HARD life when parenting. Just means it's not easy like the people who have someone covering their back is. But it's normal rather than easy. - not hard

Prince Andrew 😉

🙄

You're missing the point. For many people it is hard and you don't get to tell them there's something wrong with them because of it without being challenged.
Not easy = hard.
There is no middle ground experience, there's only degrees of easy and degrees of hard.

You don't have control over a minimum wage and a dad who won't pay up, yet you said that was not stressful, so that's not it either.

Btw, sorry to hear about the cancer.

😄 Gasp! You spoke his name!

I didn't actually say there was anything wrong with people. I've even gone back on the thread to check i didn't bloody say it
My ex was far better out of my life . Now he caused me stress when he was home ( in Army so not around much of the time when kids were small) . So him not being there at all was not stressful. Money is just money. You don't miss what you've never had

The majority of divorces (e.g.: legal proceedings to dissolve the legal ties of marriage) are brought by women because their husband has cheated and/or abandoned them and they need to get on with their life (and split their legal tie asap before he rolls up debts they are both liable for, or she is in a car crash and he is the one who gets to decide her treatment).

The paperwork by the woman is preceded by the practical dissolution of the union by the actions of the man - similar to how she might have had to pack up his stuff for him too (if he wasn't going to bother but she needed it out of her home, etc) and indeed, might end up doing his half of the childcare for their shared children (if he wasn't going to bother but she still needs to meet their needs/pay for someone else to so she can work, to meet their needs, etc).

Swanning out tends to involve a focus on the new life and a determined effort to pretend the former never existed and remains invisible, not to do paperwork, chores and tie up loose ends neatly.

The disingenuousness continues.

"Well there's something not right if basic stuff causes so much stress"

Not right = wrong, and the thing that must be wrong is the person in such a situation.
Look, just admit that was an insensitive thing to say instead of squirming. We all say ill advised things at times.

Raising kids on minimum wage is inherently stressful and it doesn't matter how long you have experienced it.
I do understand why getting rid of an asshole ex reduces one kind of stress. However, the drop in income is another kind.

@Gogogo12345 I sort of get what you mean. I don't actually get hugely stressed or overwhelmed as such. I'm pretty good at accepting what I can and can't control and choose not to worry about the latter until I have to ..eg getting a bollocking at working for being absent to support my child in MH crisis. But there's no such thing as objectively easy or hard.

Some things wrong yes. But could be the situation. Not the person. You have just assumed that. I didn't have a drop in income when ex wasn't around as he never paid any contribution to what was MY flat- he lived in barracks most of time and therefore paid for that. I have never had someone living with me paying towards my expenses

It's time maintenance was returned to the courts, parents used to get tax relief on their payments & not so many got away without paying.