To think this is scandalous yet in plain sight because the patriarchy has no shame

[Webjisroommate]

A year ago I separated from my DD’s father and she was in the middle of her first year of nursery. He paid the cms amount every month, without fail. This was 360 a month, even though I was left to pay over 1,300 on nursery fees alone. Obviously the situation has now changed slightly with the hours but his 360 contribution is quite literally nowhere near half her costs. I have spoken about this with other mum friends and have learned that 360 is actually pretty fortunate! Some women are being paid less than 200 and others have to chase cms when their ex is self employed. I was not aware of any of this before having Dd.

My career is now hugely clipped as I am doing 95% of childcare while ex sees her a day a week… the day I use mostly to clean and get the house in order to start the week again. And yes, I suggested 50/50, he didn’t want that.

I honestly feel like this is a huge joke player on women in plain sight while nothing is actually done about it?! I also can’t fathom how HMRC can chase tax from the self employed but Cms can’t chase these men to pay for their children. It’s a disgrace. Why is this allowed to happen?!

Nope. Read his/her post expanding on it. S/he then went on to list things that would be stressful to any living, breathing human being and claimed to not be stressed by them.
I suppose it's possible s/he does not understand what stress is.
Since I have long experience with internet contrarians, that's always my first thought in these situations.

Are you really saying that poster is a criminal, or is that a joke?

@ThisOldThang yet again, you demonstrate you don't get it. It's not basic tasks like shopping and laundry that gets stressful, it's fitting all of it in plus random outlying one offs that are a constant stream. One thing as a simple example..phobias. One of my kids is terrified of the dentist, another of dogs. And yes I tried everything you'd likely suggest that I should do to solve it. That makes going for a woodland walk, to the beach, to the park even, a mission that needs thought and planning. The other one, a simple dentist check up is now weeks in the planning and prep and headspace. No doubt you or @Gogogo12345 will tell me how you'd sail through it and I'm just being pathetic but unless you can acknowledge others' truths that every person and situation is different and that in general, single parenting is bloody tough made much harder by the CMS system, there's no point continuing this further.

Not only that, they get judged far worse when they are the NRP compared to when men are the NRP.

Deleted because this was supposed to be a reply, but the page hadn't refreshed correctly.

Didn't say I never go stressed. Just don't get stressed over day to day stuff. Got stressed when one DC wrote off car and DGS died ( not connected btw) . Not over changing sheets and washing school uniforms

What are you on about?

I simply pointed out that @Gogogo12345 was being accused of saying something, and then insulted based upon that accusation, that they'd never actually said.

How is that me demonstrating that I 'don't get it'?

Did you forget your next post? You claimed not to be stressed by being a single parent on minimum wage and getting no support from the dad, which is inherently an extremely stressful situation for any person on this earth.
Perhaps you have a different definition for the word stress? It doesn't mean having a nervous breakdown.

Lol par for the course om here. I suspect many people don't read what's actually said Just pick out a few words and invent the rest to fit their narrative

It was a bloody normal situation for me. And same for many of my friends.
If you don't have the " easy ride" in the first place then less likely to be stressed overall er the crap of day to day life

@Crazycatlady79 is taking about her ex-partner who pays her fuck all CMS because he's claiming UC but works cash in hand as a builder, drives nice cars and goes on expensive holidays, etc.

He's a criminal because of the tax evasion and benefits fraud (and, reading between the lines, maybe other stuff as well).

Okay, got it. It looked like she was accusing you of all that. Phew!

Bollocks. Childhood trauma makes it more difficult to cope as an adult, not less.

Who said anything about childhood trauma?

You said people who haven’t had an “easy ride” in the first place don’t get stressed. Kids who have had terrible upbringings would fall into that category, would they not?

Well there you go. Stress is not "abnormal" situations or feeling your life is terribly hard. It's just a normal human reaction to feeling overwhelmed at times.

If you hadn't lauded your superiority by saying something was wrong with people who experience stress, I would have thought you just didn't understand. Normally, I would apologize, but because of that I'm not convinced you weren't just trying to one-up people.

There's a difference between a traumatic childhood and a non pandered to childhood. You can be brought up with the reality that crap happens and you cope or be sheltered and protected.

Yes, or people who grow up having disabilities, illnesses, etcetera. I can speak to that for multiple people in my life (as well as myself) who feel stress, even having had those experiences. The idea that past hardship insulates you from stress is nonsense.

Now you're backpedaling. You clearly spoke of hardship insulating people from stress. It does not.

Lol you may have a point it may have to do with brain chemistry. My DD1 is the same as me. DD2 gets stressed far to easily. My mother never really got stressed but my DC grandmother seemed to get over stressed over the slightest thing

I feel like I've wandered into the Four Yorkshire sketch now. Who can demonstrate the hardest circumstances whilst remaining a zen like calm.

We're going massively off topic, but I'm not sure that's true for all people. People that have experienced trauma may find it easier to 'put things in perspective' and not worry about the little things.

I'm not backpedaling. I never mentioned about childhood did I ?, that was you.

But if you've never had the " easy ride" through parenthood you can't possibly miss it

I grew up as far from being sheltered and protected as it’s possible to be. It hasn’t helped me cope better day to day. It’s affected my ability to concentrate and made me scatty as hell which leads to me becoming overwhelmed, usually by the small things (mostly time-pressure for me). My now DH had the most sickeningly idyllic childhood imaginable and he’s the most laid back person I’ve ever met!

No, somebody else brought up childhood trauma.
Having a hard life while parenting and never experiencing it easy does not insulate you from stress either. Why are you so bent on proving how superhuman you are? It's normal to feel overwhelmed sometimes.