My wonderful Dh Cheated on me

[Almondmist]

Hello all, so two days ago I was browsing the Internet on our laptop and I clicked on a link to instagram, which was already logged in on my Dh's account. Curiosity got the better of me and I went through his messages (which I have only done one other time during our 10 years together). I saw he had sent a direct message to a model who lives in the same city as us, it read "hello love! I would love to meet you", it also said underneath the message 'invite sent', I don't use social media but I assume it's an invite to chat. The model never responded.

I'm in shock as he's never done this before and he has always been to most devoted husband and father. We have married acquaintances and family members we know that have cheated on thier spouses or that flirt with others and he always berates these people so this has come as a huge shock to me. He has always shown himself to be a man of honour and has always given me everything i wanted and needed. Whenever I'm unwell he will always help nurse me back to health. My family always tell me how lucky I am and I believed it.

I confronted him and he admitted it, saying it was a moment of weakness and that he would never actually meet her. I also forwarded a screenshot to his family in our group chat. They told me that they understood my anger but he has not cheated as he never met this woman and that the conversation never went further. I don't know if this a cultural thing (they're italian) and normal for italian men to behave like this. They did however tell him off over the phone as to why he even went to message another woman.
Last night he broke down in tears (which is rare) and profusely apologised after I yelled at him, calling him a hypocrite for criticising others for cheating when he did the same. I can see he feels guilty as he's been going over and beyond helping with looking after the house and children since then.
Is my reaction over the top? Would you class this as cheating?

I would find it a lot harder to accept had it been a “normal” attainable person , not a model where his chances are likely 0.

It's hard to believe so few posters on here know that some Instagram models are often also Only Fans "models" who are sex workers ..... Either by photo, video or meet ups.

They will think the wife undignified because she's not announced her exit from the family she's simply airing dirty laundry dragging them into crap. It wasn't sorry guys we are getting divorce here's why it was isn't ya son trash lol.

YANBU to be upset at the fact he sent the message.
YABVU to send a screenshot to his family.

@Confusionn that's quite a generalisation! Do you have any stats or proof to back up your claim that even the nicest of Italian men cheat

Good thing my Italian boyfriends are in the past I'd say.

Really? Families encourage it and have a good laugh?

By the way his family won't be shocked, despite what they said to you. They are probably encouraging it behinde your back and having a good laugh at your expense. Because that is what Italian families are like. Yes really!

Why though? I don’t get it- how would it benefit them to have their son cause issues in his own marriage? Especially if kids are involved.

I've heard that said about most southern European nations - Spain, Italy, Greece (!!!), Turkey, etc. It's weird. I think it's a way of not acknowledging that men cheat.

At first I was a bit omg that the op had put the screenshot in a family group chat but thinking about it men that cheat would probably be more horrified of his family finding out than his wife so maybe this wasn't that bad a thing to do if she is planning on staying with him but if it was me I'd be out op, he was more than up for cheating on you, wonderful husbands don't do that

Mmm just by being me I can back it up. 100% Italian family, I only know a few that haven't cheated. Even then those that haven't are probably hiding it well. Oh and that includes the women too!

I know plenty that are not like that.

Italian family also it was all very discreet in my family. My grandfather was rich my grandmother spend like crazy and nothing more was said

She's still not as undignified as their son.

And they raised this specimen .... So who really gives a fuck what they think.

The wife does that's why they was on the receiving end of the bs.

I wouldn't say she did it primarily because she gives a fuck what they think, I'd say she had other (understandable) motives.

To humiliate exactly 😳

It is cheating.

He decided in his head he wanted the affections of another woman and he went so far as to try and set it up.

He claims he never would have met her but I believe that to be a lie.

He could have said, 'I'm a married man but if I were single I would love to have met up with you!' Still awful but flattering the model without actually trying to meet her.

His message was direct in his intentions.

But maybe they have more empathy than you and would understand why someone in this position would neither be able to keep totally quiet, or go for an immediately divorce.

You know, like a human.

Many other people on this thread said they completely disagree with complaining to hes family like he's a naughty school boy you can @ me another dozen times and my mind will not be changed so kindly address somebody else many thanks.

Also, if the OP is not also Italian, then he and the family should expect her not to just put up with it 'because culture' if that's really true.

No, I think that's very unfair on the op.

There are quite a few empathy-less posters on here.

Id like to see you in the same circumstances.

It's always big talk on here, especially on Aibu. I have my doubts it would be truly be followed through on if those posters were themselves in an op's position.

Op can tell whoever she likes about her h's attempted infidelity.

If he doesn't want it talked about, he should probably not do it, eh.

Why wouldn’t you have involved his family, you think if this had not been found out it wouldn’t have continued. Most cheaters like to keep their bad behaviour quiet so when they leave a woman has been subjected through years of betrayal without anyone else knowing. This why DV goes on unchecked, I think that cheating is part of DV, punishment for a wrong they have done & not aware of.

He claims he never would have met her but I believe that to be a lie.

Exactly, when men get caught cheating they always minimise.

I haven't @ you at all.

Do you not understand the @ lol.

I've responded to a couple of posts of yours, as you have mine.

We are all responding to various posters' posts.
Sometimes we don't even look at the username to know who we're replying to more than once.

It's a discussion forum.

You don't instruct other people as to whose posts they respond to and when. You are not the thread police or administrator.

Get it.

I agree @BouquetGarni224 . Some very nasty, spiteful responses on here. Literally turning the situation on the OP. Maybe these women turn a blind eye to their own husbands cheating. Who knows?

It's just Aibu.

It's a c*nt magnet for some reason.