To think if I had this diagnosis people wouldn’t be as supportive as they are with her?

[AloofAlot]

Hey. So first off I’m in a bit of a bad mood today but this is how I feel.

im going to make this as short as possible. There’s this girl I know. We used to work together years ago. She’s had a successful life with both having her kids young and also getting to enjoy her 20’s while I’ve had setback after setback in my life. Yes I’m a bit jealous of her and I really wish I wasn’t.

When I worked with her I would hear and see her going on lots of holidays and dates in swanky restaurants flaunting her amazing figure and looks while I could barely get a date with my distant ex and had to work really hard to get slim but never had as good of a body as hers. It was like everywhere she went or wanted to go it seemed like it was an always yes to her. She was able to have it all.

im married now with kids and while I do get time to myself I’ve always been held back in life mainly by overstepping family members and men who had let me down. I’ve had several people let me down and walk out when they’d promised to be there (not saying she hasn’t) I started my family much later than her and I wish it was the other way round so much as now her kids are older and she’s closer in age than them. Her and her daughter go and do girly things together and I’ve rarely had that.

this isn’t a pity party it’s just how I feel. Now she’s been diagnosed with a serious life threatening illness and people are rightfully so flocking round to show their support and she rightfully so deserves that. I feel sad because if I had the same illness I wouldn’t get that support as much. She never had to try in life. I suppose some people are luckier than others and that’s just the way life is. I wish I didn’t feel this way but I do. I’m married with a family now so at least I have achieved something but I wish that happened earlier as it might as well have because I never had a proper youth and have always been prevented in experiencing things I wanted to by family as I have a condition and I still feel so much resent for that.

why do I feel so much jealousy? It really isn’t normal and I wish I didn’t feel like that

Its not a fucking competition

You're brave to post this and you clearly have enough self awareness to question your thoughts & feelings. Not sure how helpful the “your’re awful” responses are.

She has taken nothing from you at all, nothing. All she does is hold up a mirror to you and how you see yourself in comparison - every single issue you have would exist if she didn't.

I expect people do care about her more, because she has made more effort with them and in life in general. You don't get people to care about you by forcing promises from them and moping about like a fun sponge. They care if you've actually invested in building a (two way) relationship with them.

What are you expecting from this thread - people rushing to say they'd care? People you don't know? Reflect on that and then start working at being more positive and nice to people.

Imagine how fuming OP will be if/ when this poor woman recovers from her life threatening illness!

OP, what do,you want out of this thread?

You must realise that it's not possible for anyone reading this to have sympathy, empathy, understanding for you?

This is horrible.
We all have choices, she made hers when she did you made yours.
Now she has a life limiting illness and you're upset she's getting more attention than you?
She's hardly had her life handed to her. Behind closed doors she could have been through all sorts. You sound like a an unpleasant person

If this is real you need to get therapy or you will be a victim all your life. And stay off social media if you are an envious person.

@Summerose Good post

Victim mentality is the reason why your life isn’t the way you wish it would be. Your life is reflecting back to you how you are and what you feel. Work towards changing your perspective and your life will change.

Wow. No wonder you don’t have a tonne of people who want to hang around with you if that’s your attitude.

You’re right, some people are luckier than others and you are so much luckier than she is for not having a life threatening illness.

You need to get some perspective. I’m sure she’d swap you in a heartbeat if it meant getting her health back.

How do you know she's never had to try? I had my daughter young, I had fun in my twenties and lived my best life, I travelled a lot and enjoyed nice things, and I did all that because I worked my fucking arse off. I wasn't just "lucky".

I also have just recently been diagnosed with MS and if I knew someone was bitching about me because people are being kind to me after my diagnosis? I'd think they person was disgusting.

Why don't you stop blaming all your failings on other people and get some therapy to help you have some gratitude for the things you do have?

I think you would really benefit from some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to help you with your negative thoughts.

I'm equally as appalled at the op. This is someone you worked with, and you've obsessed about the details of her life. Even now that she's so ill, you still managed to be jealous about something. That's really so awful and you need to look deep to see why you are this way.

You say you're not jealous of her illness, but you are very clearly jealous of the support and attention that she is rightfully getting from others as a result of being so ill. In the kindest way possible, that is not a normal or healthy response to discovering that someone you know is suffering from a life threatening illness. I do agree with the pp saying you should seek counselling. This level of jealousy and resentment must be deeply uncomfortable for you to live with.

I get it. You’ve watched this girl flourish while your life has stagnated, and now she is ill she still has an amazing support network. It’s not her success you begrudge, it’s your lack of you resent. It’s not her illness you envy, it’s the knowledge if you were in the same position, you wouldn’t receive the same support.

It is hard to watch others when we are unhappy.

You have acknowledged your problem and not it’s time to park it, draw a line and reframe it. You know you’re happy for her success. You know you’re sad for her illness. Now let’s leave her there.

Deep breath.

You are here, you want to change your life. Build a support network, surround yourself with good friends, good people, good energy. If the worst were to come to you, you would be best placed to deal with it.

You are not a bad person and you can improve your lot by focusing on you and not others.

You’ve no idea what she’s been through and how ‘hard’ she has had to try. Saying she is ‘flaunting’ her body, rather than just wearing clothes shows the extent of your vitriol. Your weight or looks aren’t the issue here, your attitude and personality is what is ugly about you. Please try and get this under control before it affects your family and their future.

I kind of understand what you are getting at OP.
My dad died under difficult circumstances and it was a few months later that the Queen died. I remember being very triggered and almost angry or jealous (it’s hard to describe) by her death as she died at home, no doubt in a comfortable clean bed, surrounded by loved ones and receiving medical care , most likely eased on her way with pain relief.
I felt guilty about these thoughts. It wasn’t that I was jealous of her dying, or angry or anything about her dying - it was just it triggered off thoughts about how nasty my dad’s death was.
I imagine it’s the same for you - it’s triggering feelings of sadness about your social situation.

Your problems will exist even when she doesn't.

You really need some therapy.

There is such a thing as pretty privilege, and maybe she did have it. It certainly helps when you are young. But all you've said is that she went on lots of dates and holidays. Are you implying that she had other people pay for these? Because if you are, you must know that there is no such thing as a free lunch, and actually, most of us would prefer to be the independent woman who pays her own way and is not beholden to some guy with money.
You say that she had her children young ( very young, under 20 from what you seem to be saying) : I don't think being a teenage mother is a walk in the park, and it will not have been easy for her, no matter what you think from the outside. If she has a good relationship with her children, that is probably because she is a good mother, and a nice person, not because she had them young. I should add that I have a great relationship with my DC, and I didn't complete my family till I was 41.
You seem to be fixated on her, imagining she had all the good fortune that you think bypassed you. Surely you can see now that with her diagnosis, she is not always lucky.
Stop comparing yourself to her, and concentrate on doing the right thing in your own life.

You’re not going to get anything other than an absolute kicking - this is Mumsnet after all.

I think the key sentence in your OP is I feel sad because if I had the same illness I wouldn’t get that support as much.

I understand this 🤷‍♀️

What you're feeling is very unhealthy and you need counselling. Your post is vindictive and downright shocking.

Whatever you've been through it's nothing to do with her.

Get over yourself, seriously.

I'm so sorry about your Dad 💐 I think your feelings in that situation are understandable.