To be in tears after dentist visit?

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I have 2 chronic diseases, one impacts a lot on my joints. During lockdown I was in a lot of pain and had trouble brushing. The plaque build up was quite awful but I plucked up to go and I saw the hygienist as a follow up. It was pretty awful and I gagged a bit during it.
So that was a year ago and today I went back for an annual check up. Dentist knows about my conditions, asked me why I didn't floss (It's too painful and I have said this before) why have I not booked in sooner? Because I wasn't told to do so and 'The tartar build up has got really bad again on one side, you're not brushing properly and seeing us just once a year is not good enough. You need to be seeing us a lot more regularly.'
He made me feel dirty and like a naughty school girl. Also, I have been trying so hard with my teeth, spend at least 5 minutes morning and night on them so I don't understand why this is happening. What's more I had a good look in the mirror and yes there is some build up but certainly not awful or really bad as he says. I have to go back in a few weeks and really don't want to.

My hygeinst was like this op, made me come in every 3 months for 2 years. At the last check up she congratulated me on my gum health! I got all the special floss and little brushes and did exacly as I was told. Now have my gum disease under control. You have to listen to what they are telling you otherwise you are wasting their time and your money. I was threatened with being sedated for a very invasive clean if I didn't get it under control.

You need: electric toothbrush
a water pick
weight lifting gloves.
brush for 3 minutes x3 a day
massively reduce your sugar intake.

Good cleaning helps but there is a lot stuff you can't control. Like menopause, and having to have a lot of teeth out as a kid due to crowding.

Why on earth do people want to become dentists? I've never understood it. If you have the intelligence to become a dentist there are surely a hundred more interesting careers you could train for.

@LearnerEarner toothbrush abrasion most people do not brush their teeth the "correct" way and scrub at their teeth .... You can Google if you like
@CurlsnSunshinetime4tea thank you

I worded that badly. I pay £22 a month for a dental plan, which includes two checks and two hygienist appointments. Any treatment isn’t included. Extra visits to the hygienist are £84 a time.

I think that your dentist is one of those people who are simply a bit of an arse. I find that speaking to them in a similar no nonsense way helps e g. Yes you have told me that I should floss and I do remember your good advice. I am however doing my best with my teeth and I think we will just both have to make the best out of the current situation. In other words push back. Unfortunately you can't choose your dentist in this country unless you are wealthy. Dentists know this and I think are therefore quite rude to their NHS patients. Mine can be a bit blunt too.

The dentist shouldn’t have spoke to you like that but I think it comes from a good place. They won’t want to see your plaque worsen when there are things that can be done to prevent it.

I’ve always had decent teeth as I’m obsessive about brushing and flossing. I’ve never had a filling or anything like that. But when I had Invisalign the dentist insisted that I have three-monthly hygienist visits as a condition of treatment (this is standard in her practice). Despite having good dental hygiene in the first place they have given me numerous ways to improve such as switching floss for interdental brushes and resting my electric toothbrush on each tooth for a count of five to ensure adequate brushing. I continue to do all of this twice daily even now but still notice a huge improvement when I have been to the hygienist (I have continued with three-monthly visits). Perhaps as you are unable to brush sufficiently you could visit the hygienist to ensure that your teeth get a really deep clean every couple of months.

IMO people who have trouble physically cleaning their teeth need more help from the hygienist, not more lectures.
My experience is that dentists assume every adult has agency, and they are not trained to cope with situations such as domestic abuse, or disability. I'd like them to cover these issues in their training, along with how to talk to patients.

I have underlying health issues that affect my gums and therefore my teeth.

Are you only visiting dentist once a year? That’s fine for people who have basically OK teeth, but it seems like you should be seeing hygienist every six months too?

They really help me get my teeth and gums in best shape possible.

Go elsewhere, if possible. It's not right for dentists to speak to you like that. I've had issues with my teeth and have always been spoken to respectfully by dentists & hygienists.

Do you use an electric toothbrush?

You may be the age of a grown woman but you are not thinking like one, part of their job is to tell what people to do for themselves they don't go to dental school because it is fun

I believe you are meant to go every 6 months

I haven't read the full thread, so sorry if I'm repeating.
I'm sorry you felt upset by the dentist, and if you can then finding one with better communication skills sounds like a good idea. It does sound like you need a lot of dental care though because of the effects of your condition, so if you can't change dentist, perhaps you can prepare yourself emotionally to endure the mental discomfort during the consultation, just like you would if it was going to be physically uncomfortable.

Just a few suggestions that might help you with the practicalities...
Electric toothbrush, doesn't need to be top of the range. Evidence is that good technique with any toothbrush is effective. Although, if your physical difficulties prevent good technique, maybe you can compensate with a more expensive toothbrush.

Non-foaming toothpaste might be easier with dry mouth. This one is good https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pack-Oranurse-50ml-Unflavoured-Toothpaste/dp/B018OSS4SE/ref=asc_df_B018OSS4SE/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=696285193871&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=7499927285569951466&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9190076&hvtargid=pla-2281435178778&psc=1&mcid=2d6697f35c4130c1aa8495e162febbd0&hvocijid=7499927285569951466-B018OSS4SE-&hvexpln=74&gad_source=1
You can get short-dated packs on eBay for a good price quite often.

🤦‍♀️😂 thanks 😂

As an adult, I will not allow myself to be spoken down to and lectured. I have enough going on with my two painful chronic conditions to deal with that as well. It was them that booked me in for a year's time also, not me deciding off my own back not to go for this amount of time but I have already explained that.
I only have 3 fillings and so at the age of 39, this is pretty good going especially with other health issues.
My neighbour advised seeing the other dentist at the practice as he is much more understanding than my current one.
Thanks for those that responded kindly x

We changed dentists until we found one we liked. He has moved practices three times now and we join whichever practice he is in.
He does all the work himself, I won't even let a hygienist do anything.
He is a really lovely guy, and he knows I don't need to be told how to brush my teeth.
Find yourself a better dentist.

New dentist, if you can find one
Water flosser. Mine was about £20 off amazon. Does the trick perfectly
Interdental brushes instead of floss. Much easier to use
6 monthly appointment if plaque is an issue

Hi @user1471556443 Do you mind saying a bit more on this? Why are you preferring to do 2 days a week as a hygienist, when you are a qualified dentist doing 2 days already and the NHS is crying out for more dentists ?

YABU, my dentist is similarly blunt, I like it, gives me the kick up the bum I need.

It’s not the dentist’s job to coddle you.

Because they appreciate the need to help people look after their teeth.

Finding Dentist's are like finding hens teeth at the minute. I have Scleroderma (mouth restricted in opening / Sjogens) so can sympathise with the dental problems, I've moved once as the aggressiveness when checking my mouth was horrendous and my current one is much better.

Maybe see if you can see another Dentist at the practice and see if your experience is better.

With regards to teeth care: Mine advised electric toothbrush, mouthwash etc. I'm also using dental flossing sticks as they are easier for my hands - have " mechanics hands" (though I can't do the back)

I completely understand. Until I was 32 I had the same dentist all my life. Used to go to great lengths to praise my teeth! Ever since I've just been criticised. I literally said to my dentist last time "seriously you make me sound like a toothless tramp." (I have about 3 fillings and all my own teeth at 45).
I honestly just believe they are selling at you. It pisses me off. Tell me if there is a real problem otherwise back off! Same when I go for a facial!

I think some dentists are just like this. It's a sensitive subject for many people too so we are predisposed to feel shame about it

I had a French dentist (in the U.K.) for quite a while and he was so depressing and miserable. If your teeth were ok he said nothing. If there was something wrong he would certainly let you know. Once he commented that my gums were receding which I was alarmed about having never had that feedback before and I asked him why that should be and he said 'eet is your age' (imagine French accent there) so I left feeling like a wizened old crone! NHS dentists are like hens teeth though and he appeared to be a good and competent dentist so I carried on going.

I would say try to take the advice and ignore the attitude if you can. If you don't go back it's you who is losing out and there may not be much choice to find another.

Because we need dentists, and people have to fill those roles.
I fucking hate feet, but people train to be podiatrists.

True but we are all very unique people as a Profession

Feet are one of the most interesting but maligned parts of the body , how many times do people say "My feet are killing me" but wear the same shoes the next day ?
You wouldn't put your hand in a vice and turn the handle .......

Nobody likes their own feet let alone anyone elses because they rarely see them. Only babies feet are considered to be beautiful.
My own feet aren't perfect they are creepily narrow and hypermobile and I have had four broken toes . But they'll do .