To be in tears after dentist visit?

[PandaWorld]

I have 2 chronic diseases, one impacts a lot on my joints. During lockdown I was in a lot of pain and had trouble brushing. The plaque build up was quite awful but I plucked up to go and I saw the hygienist as a follow up. It was pretty awful and I gagged a bit during it.
So that was a year ago and today I went back for an annual check up. Dentist knows about my conditions, asked me why I didn't floss (It's too painful and I have said this before) why have I not booked in sooner? Because I wasn't told to do so and 'The tartar build up has got really bad again on one side, you're not brushing properly and seeing us just once a year is not good enough. You need to be seeing us a lot more regularly.'
He made me feel dirty and like a naughty school girl. Also, I have been trying so hard with my teeth, spend at least 5 minutes morning and night on them so I don't understand why this is happening. What's more I had a good look in the mirror and yes there is some build up but certainly not awful or really bad as he says. I have to go back in a few weeks and really don't want to.

My dentist is great. His hygienist is not. Really horrible with no ‘bedside manner’. Really critical every time I go. I feel I need to give them some feedback. It’s right they tell you what you need to do to improve teeth and gum health but they shouldn’t make you feel shit. As health professionals they should treat everyone with dignity and respect.

I was a dentist for 25 years . I was always kind , never knowingly made a patient feel bad about their mouth . I switched into a different medical area 7 years ago . I do not miss the SOUL DESTROYING aspect of being a dentist which was seeing patients again and again , delivering the same advice of hygiene and diet again and again but seeing no sign of this advice being followed . I would say this was about half of all patients. New decay , more fillings , more money needing to be spent by the patients. Some people are of course more susceptible to decay . It's the patients that refuse to floss and brush properly that literally killed me and made me hate my job .

This. He’s literally doing is job and being factual. If there’s plaque and the teeth aren’t looking great then he needs to tell you. I don’t get how else he’s supposed to tel you?

You've had this problem before and yet, you've gone back with the same thing. He wasn't telling you anything untrue. If you can't look after your teeth and gums properly you'll have to go more regularly 🤷‍♀️
I have medication that causes a dry mouth and I also have OA, with my hands and fingers being the worst (3 surgeries so far) so I bought a waterpik and an electric toothpaste to make the job as easy as I could. If not a water flosser, the interdental brushes would help

I get my teeth cleaned every six months. Friends who have more issues need to go every three months. If you can afford it you need to go more often. The dentist wasn't unreasonable.

Every dentist I’ve ever had, I’ve felt like I’m going there to be “inspected”. When you’re a child you get a sticker for “being good”, and a telling off if you eat too many fizzy drinks and sweeties. “Just you wait until you go to the dentist”, my mum would say to me as I struggled with a Chomp.

Some dentists are genuinely rude, but maybe some of us have been conditioned by our early experiences to feel the way we do about them.

I r told them to stop lecturing me as if im a particularly stupid child.

Laughing at all the people glibly saying “find another dentist” . In my area it is impossible to find an NHS dentist . I went regularly but when my dentist retired the writing was on the wall. BUPA bought the practice and after a string of short term dentists from abroad they simply closed the practice. I literally have to go privately when I can afford it .

I visit the hygienist every 3 months and think its well worth it and as a result now only see the actual dentist for an annual checkup.

You should be ok to use a water flosser, my hands are really bad different chronic condition. You just have to be able to hold the water flosser container and it does it for you.

Eta: I've had 2 dentists like this in over 20 years, both times I went and saw someone else, once at the same practice. If you're able to that's what I'd do.

And did you tell them this?
I have some gum damage from the maxfac surgery 10 years ago so every time I see a new dentist, I go with a speech. "I am seeing a hygienist every 6 months and they measure the depth of the pockets. There have been no change in the last 10 years. The exposed dentin is due to surgical intervention". And that is the end of the topic.

I have an auto immune form of arthritis and my hands swell like sausages and the joints are very painful. You need to invest in an electric tooth brush and get a foam cover/grip for it. The bigger size means it's easier to hold than a standard toothbrush and the foam reduces the tiny vibrations. You also need to invest in a water pick, this eradicate the need to floss as the water does it for you. You can do it in the bath/shower and it will improve your dental hygiene no end. On the very very worst days ( maybe 10-20 days a year) when I am genuinely unable to brush my teeth I use corsidyl mouth wash and swill for 45 seconds.

If you are adamant that you can't improve your own dental hygiene then you need to book and pay for a deep clean every 4-6 weeks minimum to stay on top of it.

Me too. I have gum disease which has vastly improved since I've been seeing her (ten years) and she pulls me up kindly if I'm missing bits. She's done more for my dental health than the dentist tbf.

Hi Op, I am sorry that the dentist wasn’t more compassionate/kinder. I think you can be factual without being harsh!

I have found oil pulling really helpful in strengthing my gums and reducing plaque. I was brushing x2 a day and flosing but the plaque was building up. Oil pulling helped. So did an electric toothbrush but I don’t know how that might feel on your teeth, if you are already experiencing pain.

Do you use an electric toothbrush? That would be better than manual. And could you use a water closer instead of actual floss?

Of course dentist's shouldn't tell people their teeth are in poor condition and doctors shouldn't tell people to lose weight. Lying by omission is commonplace to protect everyone from feelings of shame or judgment.

I think you are being ridiculous. You don't want to be told off like a naughty schoolgirl but you didn't make an appointment because nobody told you to.

So you didn't book in sooner 'because nobody told you to' but when he does tell you to - 'you need to come more often' - you are offended.

You also clearly need help and advice because the recommendation is for check ups every six months, and to brush for two minutes. I also think he sees a lot of teeth and if his professional judgment is that they are awful, they're awful. Not helping yourself by ignoring him because you don't believe him, and raging against the truth is hurting nobody except you.

I mean I understand sometimes the delivery can be a bit harsh but ultimately I think most dentists and hygenists just want to look after people's teeth and help them to do so. Going once a year if your teeth are quite bad isn't enough, should be either 3 or 6 monthly.

I mean it's your choice obviously but you risk losing your teeth which I'd be more bothered by than feeling like I'm being told off.

Some people go every 3 months for a hygienist visit. Perhaps you need to visit more often? I have 3 a year.

Ugh OP I find dentists and hygienists can be so patronising. Mine are and I also find they will look for any reason to get you more frequent appointments…

Id look for another dental place if I were you. Also maybe get an electric toothbrush to make life easier for yourself.

NICE recommendations for check ups for adults is actually between 3 months and two years according to need. No such thing as 6 month check-ups for all. It’s done on a case by case basis.

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5a7bfa6c40f0b638d61be4d0/dh_126005.pdf

At a previous dentist's practice I had a very 'firm' hygienist that I hated going to. Always a lecture and always painful. My view was 'at least I was there' . New hygienist is lovely but they do keep trying to tell one how to brush. I would change your dentist.

A year is a long time. If you have issues then you should be going between 3 months and 6 months.
We go every 3 months.

£22? She could speak to me anyway she likes for that, I have to pay £75 and that's at an NHS dentist 😱

The thing is OP, if you don't find a away to tackle this you are going to be in even more pain with tooth decay very soon, the dentist can probably see what's in store and is trying to prevent you having a shed load more problems. An electric toothbrush sounds a good suggestion.

Sorry to derail, but I just wondered what medical field you have gone in to?
I am a dentist who works two days a week as a dentist and two days a week as a hygienist and am looking for a way out of this profession!
To answer op, as a dentist and a hygienist I have never knowingly been rude about the state of a patients teeth, even if appalling oral hygiene etc, I still try to be polite and kind