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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to want to go home

608 replies

geekygirldoesnotfitin · 13/07/2024 14:19

Hi

A friend of mine asked me to go on holiday with her and a few of her friends. I don't know these friends but she begged me saying she really wanted me there. I agreed and paid for my trip.

When I turned up to the airport there were two different groups of her friends. Neither group really know each other but both groups are close friends.

That's fine. I only know my friend who asked me to come but was happy to get to know others.

Since we arrived I have chatted and asked about each person and got on with the holiday. Some of the friends have chatted here and there.

My friend has tended to stick with one group in particular and I haven't had much chance to spend time with her. Again fine with me normal as I don't expect to me joined at the hip.

It's become very obvious that I'm the odd one out. For whatever reason people don't seem to want to engage with me. I have reflected to make sure I haven't said or done anything to hurt or upset anyone and I honestly don't think I have.

Initially it was just them chatting amongst themselves but now they are actively avoiding me.

For eg they were all in the pool chatting so I got in and they got out. When I got out a few minutes later they all got back in.
During conversations I chip in and get ignored. I try to repeat myself but give up joining in as it's obvious I'm an annoyance.
Both groups decided to go to the bar and asked each individual but missed me out.
I'm a bit quieter than most but I do chat and show an interest.

Yesterday I became very unwell unexpectedly and had to lay down in my room for the afternoon. This morning the groups had made plans and I tagged along with one. I ended up walking behind alone as they were walking next to each other and there was no room unless I stepped in the road. When I came down this morning after being in my room poorly no one said hello but when someone else came just after they made a big fuss and had already messaged the person to check they were ok.

I'm a big girl and can accept that people don't like me or don't want me around but it seems the more I go do my own thing the more they are annoyed when I return.

I feel quite alone and confused.

I'm the only one here who is a mum with young dc. I miss my dc and feel like I should try get a flight home early on my own. If I was able to be involved and felt welcome that would be fine but I just can't seem to do the right thing and I'm starting to feel self conscious and a bit upset.

I have a few days left and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 15/07/2024 06:19

What a horrible bunch of women - they clearly never grew up from school!
Sorry they made your break away crap.

Bluebirdover · 15/07/2024 06:25

They sound vile, glad you're homeward bound

JournalistEmily · 15/07/2024 06:46

Urgh this is so grim - what a bunch of idiots. If it were me I’d be totally selfish in the last days. Do exactly what you want - pretend you’re on holiday alone and use the time to relax!! These people are horrible!!

BusyMum47 · 15/07/2024 06:57

Marata · 13/07/2024 14:36

Wow. Fuck them. Adult women who behave like high school mean girls make me want to vomit.

It sounds like you’ve got a healthy perspective on it all. I think you should do whatever you would like to do and whatever would make you happy. Which might mean going home to see the DC, but also given that you have paid money for the trip and it’s only a few days left, if it was me I might find some sight-seeing that I really wanted to do and could enjoy on my own, or maybe see if the hotel is running any good group tours/trips? Or as a PP said just peace out with a good book by the pool, get some nice spa treatments. etc. Maybe try chatting to the other guests and see if they are friendlier than this lot!

This! ⬆️ They sound vile & immature. I'd ignore them from now on & try to enjoy what's left of your time, albeit by yourself. Definitely drop this 'not friend' when you get home.

DoreenonTill8 · 15/07/2024 07:32

ToxicChristmas · 14/07/2024 21:04

Bet you friend gets home and tries the "I was so worried about you!" routine. She sounds just the sort. As soon as she hasn't got her group of cronies she will be back trying to be your mate again. Make sure you block or tell her to fuck off. I'm glad you are on the way home. Safe journey.

Absolutely agree, she'll find a way to martyr and be the victim 'but every time I looked for you, you were away with the other group!! 😪😪😪😪' Any texts you send will be shared with them and she'll say you're 'bullying her'. Like pp has said, I'd just ghost her.

shockthemonkey · 15/07/2024 07:54

Something similar happened to me a long time ago and I should have left straight away. I hope you do!

You don't owe them any explanation, you don't even need to tell them you're leaving.

Whether it's to go home to your family, or to change hotels and treat yourself, just leave! What they are doing is inexcusable.

Oh, and as pp said, block your "friend".

HippingFleck · 15/07/2024 08:03

I'm glad you are home & away from the toxic environment, it must have been draining!
They sound vile & very immature, at least you know who your "friend" is now, she sounds truly awful. I don't understand how anyone could actively spoil someone's time like that but it definitely does say more about them, and nothing to do with you.
Reconnect with your true friends & hopefully you will be laughing about this experience one day, and they will reflect on their shittiness!

Iloveacurry · 15/07/2024 08:08

Well done op. Did you speak to your so-called friend before you left?

RavenhairedRachel · 15/07/2024 08:12

How awful it must have been for you. I read your last post and I'm glad you made the decision to go home away from those awful women. You sound like a lovely genuine person and the so called friend doesn't deserve you.

Cornishclio · 15/07/2024 08:15

Good call on leaving early and I would not bother with this so called "friend" again. They sound like a bunch of schoolgirls and are bullies and just generally horrible people. The fact they were nasty about even one of their own group shows how bitchy they are. You sound lovely and yes as you say never doing a group holiday again unless it is people you know really well is a good decision. When you said "influencers" I know the type and believe me you are best avoiding them. Fakes through and through.

user1984778379202 · 15/07/2024 08:17

Really glad to hear you managed to get an earlier flight home, @geekygirldoesnotfitin. It's pretty jaw-dropping that your now ex "friend" saw you out for dinner on your own and had the gall to ask you if you were okay! Their treatment of that other woman sounds so nasty too, you are well out of there.

Do update us if your friend has messaged asking where you are. I hope you didn't tell her you were leaving, she didn't deserve to be informed.

VeryHappyBunny · 15/07/2024 08:29

Because of the internet and things like facebook, people think they have 100s of "friends". In the real world you only ever have a handful of true friends, those who you can rely on and you know will always be there in times of trouble. The rest are just acquaintances. In future just go on holiday with your family and enjoy the time with them when they are young and make good memories. I remember lovely hols with parents and grandparents.

No-one needs a bunch of pseudo friends and whatever "influencers" are supposed to be. Clearly they are not nice people and only exist to be seen on the internet in a very false environment. They look all glammed up and popular but in reality are sad and worthless individuals who are not worth your time and effort.

Always be yourself, be kind and genuine and you will be loved for who you are.

SerafinasGoose · 15/07/2024 08:39

geekygirldoesnotfitin · 13/07/2024 14:46

We have 3 days left of the holiday.

Thanks everyone you have made me feel a bit better.

I feel it must be something I have done because why would people act like this otherwise. It's not normal is it. Starting to think I'm annoying without realising it.

I'm happy in my own company so for today at least il do my own thing. I'm sat alone but next to them now anyway.

It's not 'something you've done', OP - try to rid yourself of this mindset where women constantly question our own behaviour before that of others. Unfortunately we've been conditioned that way. But don't internalise other people's ill manners and poor behaviour as somehow your issue to deal with. Aside from anything else, if problems arose most people would address them directly like adults and reach a solution or a compromise, rather than behaving like a gaggle of immature schoolkids.

This baggage belongs to them. Dump it at their feet in its rightful place. And if you find going home isn't a viable option at this late stage then find some activities that benefit you: spa treatment, local museum visit, reading a book by the pool or on a beach. Take this as three days of self-care and a rare opportunity to find some space for you.

And when you get back block the lot of them. It seems to me they're in no need of an explanation; after all, they never gave you one.

Take care. Flowers

SerafinasGoose · 15/07/2024 08:41

Apologies, hadn't yet seen your last post in which you said you've already gone. Hopefully you're now happily at home with this nonsense behind you.

Also hope you've dropped them from your social media and blocked the lot of them!

SanctusInDistress · 15/07/2024 09:10

That’s the kind of thing that happens to me too. We are introverts and some people don’t appreciate that.

ignore them and do what pleases you. Read a book by the pool. Have a lie in. Take yourself shopping. Have naps. Enjoy the ‘me’ time and don’t give a second thought to what they might or might not be thinking.

BestBeforeddmmyy · 15/07/2024 09:13

This sounds like a sinister, disturbing film. I wonder why your so-called friend (fiend), invited you. Perhaps it’s some sort of psych experiment! (I don’t really think it’s an experiment, but it is certainly ‘out there’, as weird behaviour). Maybe it’s that inviting the crowds of people make ‘the fiend’ feel popular. Whatever it is, the people in the groups are behaving badly and you are not. I would separate from the crowd but stick it out because of the cost of paying for an extra journey etc. Put it down to experience, & dump the fiend.

Disturbia81 · 15/07/2024 09:19

Awful awful human beings. Like being back in the playground. Please never speak to that friend again. You are worth so much more.

Rosesanddaffs · 15/07/2024 09:25

They sound like a bunch of arseholes, laughing at someone because they are unwell and excluding you

I’d cut off all contact with this “friend”

Glad you are back home xx

notthefavourite · 15/07/2024 09:28

I would also drop the friend

purpleygirl · 15/07/2024 09:30

What a horrible experience. Well done OP for leaving early and going home to your DC. I can’t believe that you were treated in such a thoughtless, callous way and it certainly wasn’t your fault. Particularly your so called ‘friend’ who you are better off without.

Yousaidwhatagain · 15/07/2024 09:33

What an awful disgrace to be called women. Sorry you had to deal with that, but go home and block them. Horrible bullies

Pudmyboy · 15/07/2024 09:39

Some people need to form cliques to pretend they are the 'in' crowd or special in some way, and to form a clique they need to exclude someone, sounds like they picked you initially and were also happy to turn on one of their own, which I have found is another feature of cliques: there is no loyalty.
You behaved with great dignity and compassion.
Glad you got away, it's an expensive lesson but if it shows you what your 'friend' was truly like, it's money well spent.
Enjoy your real friends and your family, and the emotional security they bring.

Abracadabra12345 · 15/07/2024 09:41

What a lovely kind person you are, no wonder you are "different " because you are the opposite to them.

The story isn't ended: in your last update you said you went home (best decision), so did you slip quietly away, tell your do-called friend first...what happened?

Sorry you had to go through this and waste so much money, but be glad you are you and not them

SerafinasGoose · 15/07/2024 09:45

This whole trip sounds very reminiscent of Muriel Heslop's ill-fated holiday to Hibiscus Island, not to mention the horrors of Porpoise Spit.

Who wouldn't run away to Sydney to be rid of friends like these?

Allthehorsesintheworld · 15/07/2024 09:47

I think the poster who suggested you were there to make the numbers up to a free place was correct. They all sound awful.