Aibu to want to go home

[geekygirldoesnotfitin]

Hi

A friend of mine asked me to go on holiday with her and a few of her friends. I don't know these friends but she begged me saying she really wanted me there. I agreed and paid for my trip.

When I turned up to the airport there were two different groups of her friends. Neither group really know each other but both groups are close friends.

That's fine. I only know my friend who asked me to come but was happy to get to know others.

Since we arrived I have chatted and asked about each person and got on with the holiday. Some of the friends have chatted here and there.

My friend has tended to stick with one group in particular and I haven't had much chance to spend time with her. Again fine with me normal as I don't expect to me joined at the hip.

It's become very obvious that I'm the odd one out. For whatever reason people don't seem to want to engage with me. I have reflected to make sure I haven't said or done anything to hurt or upset anyone and I honestly don't think I have.

Initially it was just them chatting amongst themselves but now they are actively avoiding me.

For eg they were all in the pool chatting so I got in and they got out. When I got out a few minutes later they all got back in.
During conversations I chip in and get ignored. I try to repeat myself but give up joining in as it's obvious I'm an annoyance.
Both groups decided to go to the bar and asked each individual but missed me out.
I'm a bit quieter than most but I do chat and show an interest.

Yesterday I became very unwell unexpectedly and had to lay down in my room for the afternoon. This morning the groups had made plans and I tagged along with one. I ended up walking behind alone as they were walking next to each other and there was no room unless I stepped in the road. When I came down this morning after being in my room poorly no one said hello but when someone else came just after they made a big fuss and had already messaged the person to check they were ok.

I'm a big girl and can accept that people don't like me or don't want me around but it seems the more I go do my own thing the more they are annoyed when I return.

I feel quite alone and confused.

I'm the only one here who is a mum with young dc. I miss my dc and feel like I should try get a flight home early on my own. If I was able to be involved and felt welcome that would be fine but I just can't seem to do the right thing and I'm starting to feel self conscious and a bit upset.

I have a few days left and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

They sound like a bunch of btches and I would feel like going home too. I’m sorry but if your friend invited you along to go with her close friends then in a way she should be checking on you and making sure you’re ok. I once went on holiday with one of my close friends and her entire group of close friends who I didn’t know(in hindsight I can’t believe I agreed to this as it’s such a risk to go with complete strangers !). The main difference was that my close friend stuck to me on the trip and all the other girls made the effort to get to know me and welcome me into their group because I was the new girl. One of my best trips ever but only because the girls made me feel welcome. It wasn’t my burden then to try and break into a close friendship group with strangers on Holiday! Which is what the groups you’ve gone on holiday with seem to be doing! It’s not fair on you tbh: they’re more concerned with maximising their fun time than including you

So sorry you had to go through this🤗.If I were you, I would take the best option that gives me peace, which is going back home to dc.

It happened to me once when I was back in India after a long time living away, after losing my job, a friend organised a group activity trip, almost begged me to come, I explained to her I was without a job and didnt know anyone in the group, she promised that she will get me a discount and keep with me her, but as soon as I arrive, the group was decided in mini groups for activity and she went ahead with her other friends. There was no discount and she barely spent any time with me. I realised I was asked because they wanted certain number. I wish I had told her I was disappointed for.all the over promises.

I would suggest you ask friend, why she insisted on you joining when she she had no interest in your company. Was she getting a deal for certain number or had to fill a room? I would also go back home. What's the point of spending time with this weird bunch of people, away from home and kids being sick.

I just wanted to send you lots of love and a big, big hug. If I ever arrabge a group event I make sure everyone is happy and included, and am apalled by your friend's treatment of you. So sorry you have had this. It isn't you - she isn't a real friend. People can be so unpleasant. Take care of yourself x x x

You sound like a lovely person and a lot of others would have valued your friendship and included you. Unfortunately you went away with the wrong people and the person who invited you is not your friend! She should have been actively including you eg inviting you to spend time with the group that she was close to, inviting you out to eat etc. I would have! You need to cut contact with this person. It sounds like she used you to fill a space but didn’t actually want you there. Focus on your true friends and your family. No one needs toxic friends.

I'm so sorry that you are having such a horrible time. I am really sensitive and I think I would be in tears if I was in this situation.

As a mum too If I was you I would get back home to your little one who loves and appreciates you. or if you can do that try and make your own plans and enjoy the rest of your holiday doing your own thing without them.

You sound great and just think in a few days you don't have to see any of them ever again. I would also say the fact that your 'friend' hasn't stuck with you, considering she begged you to come, would make me reconsider whether she's really a friend at all.

P.s you sound lovely don't let them get you down ❤️.

I'm glad to see you are on your way home! Can you imagine if you fit in with these people? It's like a test for being a decent person you passed.

Hi op, just read your update. Please do not think you are annoying. Your friend and her group seem like a bunch of shallow, self centred people. Influencers are interested in followers and fake engagements, not friends. Perhaps this trip was planned to provide her material for content. Good to know you are back in comfort of your home and with kids. This friend is no friend.

Wow that’s awful inviting you on a holiday and then not including you for meals etc.

Glad you know what your “friend” is now like and can focus on those that make you happy.

I've read all your comments, OP, but not everyone else's so please forgive any repetitions.

I'm also glad you are going home early and away from those awful women. I wonder what their reaction will be: 'oh but why did you leave early? We were having such a great time' and other gaslighting attempts, no doubt. Fuck 'em.

If anyone wants an example of toxic femininity, these women are it.

So so sorry OP. This is awful. Glad you are going home.

Glad to hear all sorted now. I think I would have gone home early too and probably not even bothered to tell them.

Did you tell them you were leaving early?

And did you tell them why?

Glad to see their behaviour about their unwell "friend" just confirms the sort of nasty bitches they are and you can take comfort knowing it's not you it's them.

You sound perfectly lovely and very brave , this is exactly why I would not put myself forward for these mixed bag experiences. I would expect to be left out. I admire you for all the efforts you have made to participate. Try and make the best of this odd break. Explore a bit, buy presents for loved ones. Go for a massage, buy a new outfit. Sod them all. They don’t seem to have any reason to be friendly, it must be fun seeing someone discomfited. Let us know if their lack of social skills had a reason. I doubt it.

I think you did the right thing. I'd have done the same!

I'd have left and not said anything, either to cause a panic at checkout, or to see just how long ut was until they noticed, the self-centred bunch!

Reading this took me right back to my teen years at school and being ignored by my “friends” for days when they felt like it, so hurtful then but for a bunch of grown women to do it is totally vile, I really feel for you. I hope you get to tell your “friend” exactly how vile she has behaved before you block her

I don’t think it’s you at all, you sound lovely and you’ve tried. As the one not in a group they should be making an effort to include you (whether they like you or not) so it just shows what type of people they are. And your friend needs to know and realise how you feel. Ask her directly. In the meantime, pretend you are on your own on holiday, go where you want, when you want and enjoy the rest.

Sod them go home!

I know a young Yorkshire woman who's had similar treatment from so called friends she's known from primary school.

Her crime? She worked hard at school, got into university, got a good degree. Her friends didn't. They hung around their home town, got boyfriends, got pregnant, got dumped so all single young mums. Yes their lives are hard but that's not the young woman's fault.

Sometimes we just outgrow friends because our lives take different paths. Our priorities change.

I'm really sorry you went through this op.

I had a similar experience once, was invited away by a friend, to visit friends of theirs in a holiday location. I had been a bit concerned, as I didn't know anyone and was unsure whether I was wanted by the friends who we were staying with. I was assured they were looking forward to meeting me.

It was awful. When we were outside and near the car, my friend lifted the bonnet of car so I couldn't see them, they all then started whispering behind the bonnet , before running giggling into house, shutting the door behind them, making it was clear I wasn't welcome. When they eventually came out, my friend's close friend started making bitchy remarks to me. It took me back to mean girls of high school. I was pretty devastated. I wasn't in a good place at the time and I thought there was something wrong with me. I stuck it out, but only because it would have been too difficult to get home by myself.

I tried to the keep friendship going on return, but needless to say I couldn't forgive or forget.

Just remember it's their issue, not yours. Big hug. I hope you have a lovely few days with your children. :) 💐xxx

OP, your friend is a user and I wouldn't have anything further to do with her.
Glad you are going home if that's what you feel is best.
They were an ugly group but it is 100% your friends fault.
She is a user and no loss to you.
Take care.

I would get out of that situation - fast.

You say you are a 'big girl'. Is she hoping that you will make her look ''better'' for want of a better word. If so, then she is no friend, and the torment has to stop. If you can leave them, then do. Perhaps you could find another hotel and enjoy yourself seeing sights and shopping on your own?

You can take photos of yourself in different places and send them to your child, and not bother with the group. It is what I would do.

How horrible for you. Hats off to you sticking it out this long but I think you should go home and surround yourself with people who love and care for you. Oh! And dump that so called friend asap

There is a difference between not including someone and actively excluding them, and taking time to show to someone they are not welcome. You may not be fond of someone, but most normal people would be civil enough to at least do a polite chit chat even if you didnt gel. They were bullying you and Im glad you got out and left them to their own devices, seems they already picked the next victim.