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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He stayed out to help a lady get home safe… AIBU or is DH?

283 replies

SoulSissss · 12/07/2024 22:32

DH went out for “a couple of drinks” at 2.00pm. He text me at 5.30 and said that he’d be having another couple of drinks. He then messaged at 7.30 told me he would be home at 8.30 and also told me that his battery was at 1%. However, he then bumped into a lady he knows, who asked him to make sure she got home safe. She was drunk but not paralytic. It’s hard to access taxis in the place we live. He text me to tell me this at 9.15.

So our children stayed awake to get their goodnight kiss from daddy, but I had to tell them that unfortunately thing had changed and daddy wouldn’t be able to be home in time.

DH has just got home just after 10.00 and explained that the lady was upset about her marriage and wouldn’t stop talking to him about it. He said he felt he couldn’t leave her incase something happened to her. I totally understand that but explained that it’s not his job to babysit an adult. He could have explained that he would be leaving and could make sure she got home okay if she left now. I then said that DD was upset (suspected neurodivergent) that he wasn’t home. He said he tried for ages to get her to leave but it was difficult.

He then completely deflected and said, well if DD was so upset, why didn’t I phone him. I explained that I knew he was on 1% battery ages before hand and we had been waiting expecting him to come through the door any minute. He said “so you knew I planned to be home at 8.30 and when I still wasn’t home at 9.15 you weren’t even concerned for my safety???” I explained again, I didn’t think his phone would even possibly still be on at that time and that no, I wasn’t concerned for his safety! He began smirking and rolling his eyes.

I told him that I’m really upset at how he is speaking to me and I’d be happy if he just left the house. I think he is being completely out of order. But maybe it’s me?

I know I’ve given specific timings for messages. I’m not actually that anal about stuff, but I want to share an actuate timeline so that you get the full picture.

AIBU??

OP posts:
Atsocta · 14/07/2024 23:58

Sounds a right loser to me, ..in other words he spent all this time drinking and with another woman while you sat at home…really 🙄

JournalistEmily · 15/07/2024 06:54

If he’s a good guy I wouldn’t give a shit about this. If there’s other shady behaviour then it’s definitely annoying

PotNoodleNancy · 15/07/2024 10:25

LuckySantangelo35 · 13/07/2024 10:38

@PotNoodleNancy

lol

there are plenty of women who like day drinking too - why do you think bottomless brunches are so popular?!

people - men and women- allowed to drink you know - even when they become parents! You don’t need to be tee total to be a good parent!

I’m very choosy when it comes to friends and don’t keep company with the sort of people who attend ‘bottomless brunches’, so I’ll refer you to my original comment.

Pissed people are so unattractive!

CandiedPrincess · 15/07/2024 10:51

PotNoodleNancy · 15/07/2024 10:25

I’m very choosy when it comes to friends and don’t keep company with the sort of people who attend ‘bottomless brunches’, so I’ll refer you to my original comment.

Pissed people are so unattractive!

Bet you're a bloody barrel of laughs. You wouldn't be friends with someone who went on a bottomless brunch?

Chartreux · 15/07/2024 12:39

JournalistEmily · 15/07/2024 06:54

If he’s a good guy I wouldn’t give a shit about this. If there’s other shady behaviour then it’s definitely annoying

You wouldn't give a shit about the blatant lies about the phone with no battery charge, or the attempt to put blame on you?

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/07/2024 12:51

PotNoodleNancy · 15/07/2024 10:25

I’m very choosy when it comes to friends and don’t keep company with the sort of people who attend ‘bottomless brunches’, so I’ll refer you to my original comment.

Pissed people are so unattractive!

@PotNoodleNancy

why wouldn’t you be friends with someone who went to a bottomless brunch?

unhappywskid · 16/07/2024 15:34

PotholesAnonymous · 14/07/2024 18:38

I have many many questions about this and also a theory.

Q's:
What happened to the people he was with all afternoon?
If the story of the vulnerable woman is true - why did she trust him (as someone she barely knows) to see her safely home?
How could he see here safely home anyway if he has also been drinking and taxi's are hard to get?
Surely you would just alert the bar staff to keep an eye on her? If she's well known the bar staff would deal with it.

Theory:
There was no woman. He just wanted to stay out a bit longer with his mates so made up a scenario where it looked like he was being a hero.
(he didn't realise this would open up a question of infidelity - men are a little basic when it comes to these things)

Edited

This. Spot on.

CathyFitzs · 22/07/2024 15:48

I may, and indeed I hope, I'm
wrong but he may well be having an affair. Phone out of battery is classic so you won’t try to contact him plus of course trying to deflect blame from
him
onto you. Just be on the lookout for more odd outings! Hope he was a genuine Good Samaritan

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