To be annoyed that DH added sweet chilli to the pasta I cooked

[Sleepdeprived2]

DH wanted chicken pasta, so I spent my time today making it for him, adding lots of spices to it as I know he likes flavour. It was exhausting for me to cook as well as look after our baby and toddler. He came home from work tried the pasta and went and put sweet chilli all over it and started to eat it.

I am abit annoyed as what was the point in me spending time cooking if he drenched it in sweet chilli. He doesn't seem to think there's anything wrong with it.

Aibu

Oh OP YANBU to feel annoyed however the only thing you can do really is to not make all that effort. Also what even is chicken pasta anyway? Unlike marinara, carbonara etc is it just pasta with chicken... Don't understand how you can add lots of spices (????)

I can somewhat relate although my husband is the opposite - he hates any form of flavour and never appreciated anything I slaved over.

After a long tjm I gave up and now cook myself the loveliest meals. He eats his boring unseasoned meat+oven fries. Everyone's happy. The end

I don't see the issue. He wanted his food to taste a certain way. It's not a reflection on you. It's just his taste.

I would cook when you want to/have time. Don't resent him for it

Ah right. Absolutely fine then.

I wouldn’t normally mind about something like this, but so soon after birth I’m sure it would have absolutely fucked me off, those postpartum hormones are no joke.

I'd be interested in a pasta recipe that takes you above and beyond 😊.

I read this thinking he'd dolloped it in the pot of pasta, not his own. It's not worth the aggro, OP, so I'm guessing this is about more than pasta.

Well, it does sound like a horrible combination.

But tbh no one's dead - I'd just quietly chuckle when he puts custard on roast beef, or wasabi on apple crumble, or maple syrup on fish & chips.

I'd stop cooking for him, though, beyond egg & chips etc. He'll probably douse that with black cherry jam. Let him crack on...

I have no issues what people put on their own plate

Did he taste it first, or just slather it in sauce as soon as he plated up? Not going to lie, I would be pissed! Next time - plain pasta, plain chicken, let him sauce it up himself.

You are recovering from a C Section - I assume you are not long post-partum?

So you are adjusting to life with a new baby as well as your toddler, and recovering from major surgery.

It's not surprising you feel exhausted and emotional. I can see how something like this would upset you in that situation. You made an effort to cook food you thought he wanted, even though you don't feel great and are struggling, and then you felt he didn't value it.

I don't really think the sauce is the issue here. How are you feeling, both emotionally and physically? Do you need more support, or to be doing less in the house? (For example could you rely on ready meals at the moment, or pasta with a jarred sauce? Or do your husband's working hours realistically allow for him to cook for the family when he gets home?) Do you have family who could come and stay/bring you cooking for a while? (I stayed with my mom quite a lot whenever I struggled post partum, and she cooked for me etc - but I know I am very lucky, my mom is a hero).

If you are getting very upset about a lot of things, it's worth having a think about whether you are just upset because life IS frustrating and tough, or maybe you might need a bit more support? Many people would in your situation - it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Good luck - and congratulations on your baby!

My pasta dishes take quite a bit of time it's not the actual pasta that is time consuming it's the sauce.
We don't know what sort of pasta dish op cooked I am assuming she didn't boil up a pot of pasta and throw some packet chicken over it with some dried oregano

And to be fair, we have no idea what form her chicken pasta takes or what processes are involved in it. All we know is it contains pasta, chicken and some spices, but there is probably a sauce etc, we have no idea how she makes it. For all we know she might make the pasta herself and stuff it with chicken. That would be complex!

Plus I think any cooking at all can be a lot when you have just given birth and are recovering from a C Section, depending on how your recovery is going.....b

YANBU to feel this way, but I agree that chilisaucegate is trivial. It’s symbolic of this deeper issue. What do you need from him to feel appreciated? Tell him what that is. If it’s he needs to take a few weeks off to take care of the children and house so you can recover, tell him. If you need him to take over the groceries and dinners, tell him. You probably have an idea as to the exact level of support you need. Hopefully he will listen and be there for you.

I’ve never heard anyone describe a bowl of of pasta as ‘going above and beyond’. That’s really tickled me.

I totally get where you're coming from. My bf apparently wants all his food to taste like the chilipaste. Forget sublw natural herbal flavours. Only solution is to go through less trouble for him. If it is something you fancy, go all out. If it is something he fancies. Bare minimum 🤷🏼‍♀️

Stop being so over sensitive. It's a bowl of pasta. In our house you're free to season your meal with whatever condiment you see fit.

I guess the OP wasn’t quite getting the answers she wanted, so she drip fed the c section part of the story!

This thread is making me upset. People really think pasta is just a 15min quick meal that takes no effort and it is basically all the same 🥺

He tasted it first and then put something on it.

He’s not done anything wrong other than not ask if you were up to cooking it in the first place. If you weren’t, you also should say so.

My DH makes spag bol and adds all kinds of spices to his. I still taste it, make my own pasta (the way he makes pasta makes me cringe) and add chilli flakes because I prefer added heat to mine. Everyone is happy. I don’t dictate what my DH puts on his food and vice versa.

You’re recovering and once you’re past the fourth trimester, things usually look up. You’ll be more healed and likely have more of a routine in place.

I think it’s more she didn’t realise what the root problem was until after she started the thread.

And this is why I stay happily single! I couldn't stand having a partner who got "annoyed" over what I did to the food on my plate. I know people who liberally pour tomato sauce over everything - if they did it to something I had cooked I really couldn't care less, they are the ones eating the meal and they can dress it up how they like.

It's a tad controlling to tell others how to flavour their food

It's hardly a bloody Michelin star meal is it.

Cooking dinner isn't "above and beyond".

I'd only be annoyed if he put sauce on everyones food. If he did it to his own food then I don't see the problem with it.

Would you be equally annoyed if he added a bit extra salt or pepper to his food? It really isnt a big deal.

I’d think you were a total pain in the neck if you tried to tell me what I was allowed to put on my own meal. Is that the sort of person you want to be?