To not take the test as it will just break me

[Rosesbeforelove]

I know- my logical sensible 44 year old head says yes, of course you need to test, and stop this nonsense wondering.
But my sensible head is sooooo buried under panic, fear, excitement and scared of…hope, to be heard.
No one IRL so asking for either tough love or handhold here.

i feel…pregnant. Always had fertility issues, tried for 1 Year + many times and all failed when finally pregnant. I’m now 44 and on the pill, mainly because it helps my adult acne. But I also have a friend / occasional romantic partner (very occasional as he lives hours away, very separate lives but good friends) and we did have sex once a month the last 2 months when he was here for work. I’m on the pill but weird dodgy yummy made me piley
hsve 2 pills simply pass through me in an unpleasant way the month before last. Simply can’t quite get dates right to work out if it coincided with him here or not, but I think not.
i had a pill free “period” 2 weeks ago that was very short but as I hit perimenopause most of mine are now very short so no big deal.
But this week I keep having to get up to pee which I never do, my boobs hurt to hell, and driving to work today I was hit with a wave of nausea that amounted to nothing but I suddenly thought….hang on,
these Are all pregnancy symptoms right?

in my life I’ve likely bought 200+ tests. Each test triggers me back to losses and sad times so I find them extremely traumatic to do. As in I have to psych myself up for days, sit physically shaking for the 3 min timer and crawl under a duvet at the negative result as even tho I expect it that sneaky glimmer of hope burns bright until the fat lady sings.

this month has been a kicker for me with a poorly elderly mum, possibly redundancy at work and some financial hits, I’d be terrified if I was pregnant as I feel too old, too alone, too unprepared etc, my mental health isn’t good right now.

But,,,,but..,,the thought of the possibility is already glowing away and I’m so so scared to test as either result will need me to be strong and I’m not right now☹️

I’d be mad to just wait to see if I get my period in a week or so time when I usve my next pill free break, yes? and equally mad to have any hope at my age while on the pill and such infrequent sex and low fertility etc,

thanks for reading this far, my brain is a 2am bowl of jelly,

Gosh, no idea what happened to my predictive text in paragraph 2!

To clarify: Have had sex twice in last 2 months, 2 months ago had tummy bug that I’m fairly sure obliterated 2 pills but I don’t think that coincided with him being here for work that week. And I had a short pill free period 2 wweks
ago.

I hope you get the result you want, OP. 💐

One week won't make a difference either way.

I hope you get the result you want.

If you feel that this is the distinct possibility don't take any more pills. Just wait and see or stop and get a pregnancy test or two.🌷

no advice here but have a handhold

I would stop taking the pill just in case. But apart from that you would not be mad to just carry on as normal and see what happens. Good luck 🍀

Just a hand hold I’m afraid. No advice to give really except that if you’ve got the patience to wait it out As you said then do so. Time will most definitely tell and you may be in a better frame of mind in a few weeks. I hope you get the result you want. 💞

If you would be happy, I would just stop your bc and wait. You won’t really trust a negative result anyway testing before your period is due.

Ah OP what an emotional situation, no wonder you feel in turmoil. I’m really sorry though, but you need to test to get an answer one way or another. If you’re pregnant and on the pill I do believe you can still have “periods”, so waiting for your pill-free week won’t help. It’s definitely a possibility, stranger things have happened. I hope you get the answer you want

Oh bless you - massive handhold xxx

Massive hand hold here too OP.

I had my first aged 39 and up until that point I'd probably taken a thousand tests, I'm a serial tester so even though they'd all been negative up until that point.

My second came along when I was almost 42 so I really wasn't much younger than you. My gran had my uncle at 46 and my cousin had her second aged 44. So it's not that unusual in our family

Having my babies when I was older I realise there's a lot of us older mamas out there. If that's the result you want OP then I hope you join us!

If you get your period next week, are you going to be upset? And are you hoping a little more every day that you might be pregnant? If so, then get a test and get it over and done with, and at least you’ll know whether or not to keep taking your pills. Personally, I wouldn’t be able to stand not knowing, but if you’d rather live in hope for another week, even if that hope is dashed, it’s only a week. I do hope things work out for you.

I think bite the bullet and take test asap. If it's something you really
Want them you don't want to build up to it and spend a week hoping to them be disappointed. Likewise you could spend a week worrying you're not and being upset and find out you are and spent the week upset for no reason.
I hope you
Get the answer you want. X

Hand hold op. Wishing you the best.

Hi OP. Feel your pain x so sorry
but if you are pregnant, and have had losses previously.. ask for progesterone to help you through to the second trimester?

hoping for the result you want OP. Lots of love x

I was on the pill when I got pregnant. I had my first 3 "periods" and didn't know she was there until I was already 12 weeks gone. Please don't rely on your pill free shed to dictate if you've had your 'period' or not. They're not hormonal bleeds like a BC free period would be.
Hand hold to do a test, you know deep down you need to do one either way but I know how terrifying that will feel right now. You can do this.

Well, it’s hard to say. I used to get nausea/vom around period time, and always had sore boobs then too so for me that all wouldn’t sound like pregnancy symptoms.
The sore boobs of pregnancy are not so much sore boobs but really really sensitive nipples so much it’s like broken glass if anything brushes them. And the sickness early days is anytime and all time for me too.
as a pp said. If you’re going to have these thoughts all the time you are better knocking it on the head and knowing for sure rather than building yourself up for a bigger disappointment down the line. Get the result over with. All the fear of testing etc isn’t about the test it’s about the result and you know it’s unlikely but better to stop speculating and you can move on. If you test positive then get referred to EPAU for early scan and support for this pssible pg or go and drink a glass of wine and put it behind you. Best of luck to you.

Handhold, bless you. I do really empathise.

So how many weeks would you be now? Going from the last time you had sex?
As others have said the ‘period’ you get on the pill isn’t a period so there’s no point timing anything around that.

I think I’d wait for about 3-4 weeks from when you last had sex and then test.
But I don’t know what to tell you about your feelings in the meantime. Just try not to get your hopes up too much I suppose.

Although having said that if you have symptoms then I suppose it would show up in a test now? Maybe just do one. But I do know the feeling of not wanting to know because then you can still hope.

Good luck love. Come back and let us know.

Just hear to hold your hand OP. I hope you get the result you want. Will be here to listen and handhold whatever happens xxxx

I’d just wait and see. There’s no need to test.

Bless you. Handhold here, too. I also think you should stop taking the pill just in case. 💐

Handhold from me too OP.

Of course you were allowed to be unreasonable at 2am. That's what being awake at 2am is for.

The most likely thing is that your hormones are all over the place due to perimenopause which can generate all sorts of symptoms which are poorly understood (because patriarchy).

Once you've had some sleep and are reading this in daylight hours you have the strength to get yourself sorted. Get a test, you need to know. If it's negative, get yourself a copy of "perimenopause power" by Maisie Hill. Obviously if it's positive that's a whole different ballgame. Whatever happens you have the resilience and capability to deal with what life throws at you and be happy and fulfilled.

Oh OP big hugs.

Best thing to do is test and you’ll get an answer either way.

Do the test OP. I really get that this is hard but if you don’t get the result you want it’ll draw a line under your hope and if you do, you can embrace it and start being happy.

I had a v v difficult journey to my DS but finally had a successful pregnancy at 45. You’ll get people on here saying how everyone should be a mother by 35 but that’s not how life works out for all of us.

Good luck - I totally get your reluctance to do the test and live in hope but the longer this goes on the harder it’ll be. You also need to start taking vitamins and sorting out appointments etc if you’re pregnant.

Here to hand hold if you need it. Do it!

I think in your situation I would take the test now. Of course it’s not unreasonable to wait but if you wait and continue to convince yourself you are pregnant, will you be more disappointed if the test comes back negative? I think it’s best to know.

I hope you get the result you want!