To not take the test as it will just break me

[Rosesbeforelove]

I know- my logical sensible 44 year old head says yes, of course you need to test, and stop this nonsense wondering.
But my sensible head is sooooo buried under panic, fear, excitement and scared of…hope, to be heard.
No one IRL so asking for either tough love or handhold here.

i feel…pregnant. Always had fertility issues, tried for 1 Year + many times and all failed when finally pregnant. I’m now 44 and on the pill, mainly because it helps my adult acne. But I also have a friend / occasional romantic partner (very occasional as he lives hours away, very separate lives but good friends) and we did have sex once a month the last 2 months when he was here for work. I’m on the pill but weird dodgy yummy made me piley
hsve 2 pills simply pass through me in an unpleasant way the month before last. Simply can’t quite get dates right to work out if it coincided with him here or not, but I think not.
i had a pill free “period” 2 weeks ago that was very short but as I hit perimenopause most of mine are now very short so no big deal.
But this week I keep having to get up to pee which I never do, my boobs hurt to hell, and driving to work today I was hit with a wave of nausea that amounted to nothing but I suddenly thought….hang on,
these Are all pregnancy symptoms right?

in my life I’ve likely bought 200+ tests. Each test triggers me back to losses and sad times so I find them extremely traumatic to do. As in I have to psych myself up for days, sit physically shaking for the 3 min timer and crawl under a duvet at the negative result as even tho I expect it that sneaky glimmer of hope burns bright until the fat lady sings.

this month has been a kicker for me with a poorly elderly mum, possibly redundancy at work and some financial hits, I’d be terrified if I was pregnant as I feel too old, too alone, too unprepared etc, my mental health isn’t good right now.

But,,,,but..,,the thought of the possibility is already glowing away and I’m so so scared to test as either result will need me to be strong and I’m not right now☹️

I’d be mad to just wait to see if I get my period in a week or so time when I usve my next pill free break, yes? and equally mad to have any hope at my age while on the pill and such infrequent sex and low fertility etc,

thanks for reading this far, my brain is a 2am bowl of jelly,

There is no easy answer. I think in your case I'd stop taking birth control. Am I right in thinking you are about two weeks after you had sex, in which case you could absolutely test.

And I've been here thinking I was (and not wanting to be) I was so convinced that I tested over and over and then my period came and it was just an awful case of PMT. So I'm not sure our feelings are always as reliable as our mind wants it to be. I really hope you get the outcome you want

If it was me, I’d work on the basis that I wasn’t pregnant. If you’re peri, your hormones are going to be all over the shop and causing you all sorts of symptoms. And it’s unlikely that you’ve conceived because of an upset stomach at a time when he wasn’t even there, especially when there is fertility issues too.

But I would do the test, just to completely rule it out and set your mind straight again, just so there’s no niggling thoughts at the back of your mind. As others have said, you could have a bleed next week and it wouldn’t be a proper period, and you don’t want to be holding onto that thought and building up your hopes that you are, then have your hopes crashing down. That would be an awful thing to put yourself through.

Peri=menopause has brought a load of early pregnancy symptoms for me - I have been sick lots of times (not just felt sick) .

The body plays lots of tricks on us sigh!

If you think testing will set your mind at rest - do that x

I really feel for you. It sounds like you've had such a tough time.

I think do the test. It's the uncertainty that's driving you mad. Better to know one way or the other. I don't think your 'wait it out' method would be very reliable either. If you are on the pill, chances are you're not pregnant. But the pill periods aren't normal periods. So getting one or not wouldn't reliably tell you one way or the other.

Agree

Worrying has never changed a factual outcome/situation. Worrying in this situation a waste of time, emotion & energy.

Take the test. Then you know decisions or not to make.

I think you have to take the test, or the uncertainty and lingering hope will destroy you.

I read somewhere that it helps to think of predictive text as a small imp who is trying really hard to help you with your typing, but is actually very drunk indeed, @Rosesbeforelove. I call autocorrect, autocarrot.

In your shoes, I think I would take the test, but I can absolutely understand why you are reluctant. I really hope you get the result you want.

Don’t take any more pills.

But a period from a pill break is absolutely not a reliable indicator of anything regardless. So you wouldn’t be any the wiser.

But if you are pregnant and want to keep it you need folic acid, so really you do need to know. If you are pregnant continued taking of the contraceptive pill is a really bad idea.

Take the test OP. I got pregnant on the pill with my first baby. Never missed a single pill and boom pregnant so it can happen. I really hope you get the result you want but I feel either way there will be tears. Please come back and update us all x

Hormones are shit, we to through so much as women, I'm sorry to read this OP. However those were the first symptoms of peri menopause for my mum, and they started in her early 40s. It's unlikely you are pregnant. Just rip the bandaid off, take the test ASAP as you'll just cause yourself more hurt by letting all these feelings come up.

You need to test.

One reason is that if you're pregnant, and you decide to keep the baby, you need to start now to adapt your lifestyle- no drinking, taking folic acid etc.

NOT testing is not going to change anything, is it?

But if you do the test, you will have the information you need and be able to decide what you want.

I'm unsure from what you've said if you want a baby now ( at your age, issue of redundancy, no permanent partner) so you need to know to decide what to do next.

All the best.

@Rosesbeforelove

I understand your reluctance to test because of your past experiences. But right now you're putting yourself through agonies of roller coaster emotions; hope, denial, despair, rinse and repeat. You'll keep going through those emotions until the question is resolved.

If you test you'll either be very happy or very upset. But that's only one emotion and it won't last forever. And you can access support until you've recovered your equilibrium. So just test. There's nothing worse than not knowing.

Best of luck and hope you get the result you want. We'll be here, either way.

This was me a couple of months ago. I'd missed a couple of pills for the first time in 30 years, had sex and terrified of a test.

My family is complete.

I tested and got the results I needed.

You know you need to test. You can and will deal with whatever the result is.

Sending a big hug x

Hugs, OP.

I would take the test, and do it as quickly as possible, so then you've got your headspace back to cope with everything else. I don't blame you for 2am thoughts, between hormonal shifts, finances, your mother and work.

Don't wait and rely on bleeding. I thought my implementation bleed was my period for my second baby and only twigged when wine tasted metallic. And if it is perimenopause symptoms, it's worth knowing about that too. Either way, you are prepared.

Pill break isn't actually a period. You need to know one way or the other

Many women have a fertility 'boost' in peri as the hormones chuck out more eggs.

It's a myth to think you can't become so easily pregnant in peri.

You are very unlikely to be pregnant due to your age and being on the pill - you say the bad tummy did not coincide with sex. Take the test so you can move on. Hope you're ok.

It's very, very unlikely you're pregnant.

But wish you the best.

My thoughts are why would anyone desperate to be pregnant remain on the pill. There are loads of treatments for acne 🤷‍♀️

I’d say it would be unusual to get strong pregnancy symptoms so early so don’t get your hopes up.

but also do a pregnancy test to be sure.

good luck :)

She isn't desperate to be pregnant...?

Op from your description around your mental health and testing, I wouldn't take the test and just wait. Sadly around 45, 50% pregnancies end up in loss.

As the result of this is so important to you my worry about you not testing would be you making choices you would make as a not pregnant woman then finding out and being very upset and worried
an example would be drinking but my point is if you are but don’t know there will be a lot of things you may do or eat etc you would absolutely not do if you knew you were pregnant especially considering the history you have had and how wanted this would be.

either way I’m sending you luck that is the outcome you want but also support for whatever comes next @Rosesbeforelove