To not take the test as it will just break me

[Rosesbeforelove]

I know- my logical sensible 44 year old head says yes, of course you need to test, and stop this nonsense wondering.
But my sensible head is sooooo buried under panic, fear, excitement and scared of…hope, to be heard.
No one IRL so asking for either tough love or handhold here.

i feel…pregnant. Always had fertility issues, tried for 1 Year + many times and all failed when finally pregnant. I’m now 44 and on the pill, mainly because it helps my adult acne. But I also have a friend / occasional romantic partner (very occasional as he lives hours away, very separate lives but good friends) and we did have sex once a month the last 2 months when he was here for work. I’m on the pill but weird dodgy yummy made me piley
hsve 2 pills simply pass through me in an unpleasant way the month before last. Simply can’t quite get dates right to work out if it coincided with him here or not, but I think not.
i had a pill free “period” 2 weeks ago that was very short but as I hit perimenopause most of mine are now very short so no big deal.
But this week I keep having to get up to pee which I never do, my boobs hurt to hell, and driving to work today I was hit with a wave of nausea that amounted to nothing but I suddenly thought….hang on,
these Are all pregnancy symptoms right?

in my life I’ve likely bought 200+ tests. Each test triggers me back to losses and sad times so I find them extremely traumatic to do. As in I have to psych myself up for days, sit physically shaking for the 3 min timer and crawl under a duvet at the negative result as even tho I expect it that sneaky glimmer of hope burns bright until the fat lady sings.

this month has been a kicker for me with a poorly elderly mum, possibly redundancy at work and some financial hits, I’d be terrified if I was pregnant as I feel too old, too alone, too unprepared etc, my mental health isn’t good right now.

But,,,,but..,,the thought of the possibility is already glowing away and I’m so so scared to test as either result will need me to be strong and I’m not right now☹️

I’d be mad to just wait to see if I get my period in a week or so time when I usve my next pill free break, yes? and equally mad to have any hope at my age while on the pill and such infrequent sex and low fertility etc,

thanks for reading this far, my brain is a 2am bowl of jelly,

Maybe stop taking the pill, then you can either test and get it out your head or not test and just see what happens. I’m not sure which is worse though. I’m more a rip the bandage off so would test as the limbo would drive me crazy.

Either way I hope you get the response you want. Either way it’s ok to be confused, upset and angry. If you are pregnant and not jumping up and down like you expect this is also completely normal while the news sinks in.

Be gentle with yourself x

wait, but maybe take some folic acid whilst you’re waiting.

Hi OP, Are you able to go to your GP and speak to them, they can do the test with you? I think it would be good idea for you to get some support. Also they may be able to refer you for some therapy to talk through the trauma you’ve faced, as it feels like you’ve faced a lot of trauma on this.

Are you taking any vitamins at all?

i hope you get the result you want. I came on to say what @AppleKatie said, maybe take some folic acid in case?

I would definitely come off the pill for now, and like some pp’s have said, take some folic acid.

I had my daughter later in life and as much as it was a shock it was the best thing that ever happened to me (I was 38 pregnant, 39 having her).
I truly hope you get the result you want and need x

I had all of these symptoms just before I started the menopause proper and did lots of pregnancy tests in a panic because I didn't want a baby at 45. I wasn't pregnant, I started on the hot flushes a couple of months later.

I want to know now! Do the test!

This^. I'm 45 and this started at 42 for me. I was rapt confused as my DH had a vasectomy and I was 100% convinced I was pregnant and dreading trying to explain it to him and my 4 kids. Hrt has been a life saver for me.

I hope you get the result you want op.

I have been in a similar situation in that I’d tried to conceive for years (secondary infertility) and was unable. Then, during perimenopause a year ago or so ago, I felt pregnant and my period was late and I was so sure… it wasn’t actually a pregnancy. I was very sad all over again.

I would go and take the test asap to stop yourself from fantasising just in case it isn’t a pregnancy, OP.

I think the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to tell yourself you are not pregnant. You are very unlikely to be pregnant and to sustain a pregnancy.
A 44 year old with a fertile history would be against the odds getting pregnant. A 44 year old on the pill and having infrequent sex would be extremely against the odds. And a 44 year old, on the pill and infrequent sex and with a history of infertility and miscarriages is vanishingly unlikely to be pregnant and then sustain a pregnancy.

I’m sorry OP. I don’t mean to be harsh but I don’t think this is helping you.

I would stop taking the pill, wait a week and see what happens. The chances are you aren’t pregnant. If taking a test to confirm it is too triggering, then don’t. Wait. See what happens for a few weeks. Even if you are, there isn’t much you can do at this stage.
Most of pregnancy is just a waiting game.

Fingers crossed for you OP

❤

It is always better to face reality. If you are not pregnant you really won’t be broken because there is so much more to life than being a mum. And you have enough experience to know that.

if you are pregnant the reality of that will be so much better than the fantasy of being pregnant which you are currently holding on to. And we will celebrate with you as it is what you want.

Have courage. Take the test.

I wouldn’t be able to not take the test. Stranger things have happened 🤷🏼‍♀️

In the nicest, most direct way, you know you're going to take that test at some point. So get it over and done with today.

❤️❤️❤️

I also felt pregnancy symptoms around the time of perimenopause at 45 ish. Doesn’t mean it is for you but just be aware.

I would do the test.

If you were pregnant then it would have to be from the earlier month to have nausea at this stage.

Unfortunately I think that it is more likely to be perimenopause symptoms than pregnancy. If it was me the longer that I waited, the harder it will be to make myself test, and the more I would be thinking of pregnancy.

Take the test.

If you are preg you can start taking the right vitamins ect.

If you're not you can start getting over it and be fine all the sooner

Come off the pill and wait and see, testing doesn't change the result and it's pretty unreliable so early because not all establish. Once you are a day or two late, that's when to test

But be aware all those symptoms are common in perimenopause. Don't be too disappointed

Take the test and get it over with. I used to wait for my period, then cry when I came on. A test will prevent you feeling too upset. Update us when you can. Good luck x

I doubt you are pregnant but you should test anyway.

I think from what you’ve said it’s very unlikely to be pregnancy and I don’t think the cheerleading posts higher up the thread are very helpful in this scenario. Try to prepare yourself it more than likely isn’t 😞