To not take the test as it will just break me

[Rosesbeforelove]

I know- my logical sensible 44 year old head says yes, of course you need to test, and stop this nonsense wondering.
But my sensible head is sooooo buried under panic, fear, excitement and scared of…hope, to be heard.
No one IRL so asking for either tough love or handhold here.

i feel…pregnant. Always had fertility issues, tried for 1 Year + many times and all failed when finally pregnant. I’m now 44 and on the pill, mainly because it helps my adult acne. But I also have a friend / occasional romantic partner (very occasional as he lives hours away, very separate lives but good friends) and we did have sex once a month the last 2 months when he was here for work. I’m on the pill but weird dodgy yummy made me piley
hsve 2 pills simply pass through me in an unpleasant way the month before last. Simply can’t quite get dates right to work out if it coincided with him here or not, but I think not.
i had a pill free “period” 2 weeks ago that was very short but as I hit perimenopause most of mine are now very short so no big deal.
But this week I keep having to get up to pee which I never do, my boobs hurt to hell, and driving to work today I was hit with a wave of nausea that amounted to nothing but I suddenly thought….hang on,
these Are all pregnancy symptoms right?

in my life I’ve likely bought 200+ tests. Each test triggers me back to losses and sad times so I find them extremely traumatic to do. As in I have to psych myself up for days, sit physically shaking for the 3 min timer and crawl under a duvet at the negative result as even tho I expect it that sneaky glimmer of hope burns bright until the fat lady sings.

this month has been a kicker for me with a poorly elderly mum, possibly redundancy at work and some financial hits, I’d be terrified if I was pregnant as I feel too old, too alone, too unprepared etc, my mental health isn’t good right now.

But,,,,but..,,the thought of the possibility is already glowing away and I’m so so scared to test as either result will need me to be strong and I’m not right now☹️

I’d be mad to just wait to see if I get my period in a week or so time when I usve my next pill free break, yes? and equally mad to have any hope at my age while on the pill and such infrequent sex and low fertility etc,

thanks for reading this far, my brain is a 2am bowl of jelly,

Do the test. Expect this is perimenopause.

I think the best thing would be to take a test asap, but maybe with support? Have you a friend, relative or someone who would sit with you and get through the wait etc? I’ve done it for a friend…the time passes a bit quicker and there’s someone there for a hug, cup of tea and to help you process the thoughts and feelings.

The feeling that things might work out and the wait with you believing and hoping can make this sort of thing so much more painful if it doesn’t turn out that you get the result you want…if you aren’t pregnant it would be easier to know now so you can accept it. Our bodies are weird…I was very single during lockdown, years since sex, but I had a phantom pregnancy complete with bump, breast milk etc that went on for months and was never explained.

That being said. You could be pregnant and if you are it’s important that your body has the support it needs for you and for foetal development. Folic Acid, Pregnacare or some other pre-natal vitamin, Aspirin if you can take it and I totally agree, with your history of miscarriage, I’d be getting hold of some progesterone asap. If you have trouble getting it on NHS and are anywhere near Manchester I can recommend a good private obs and gynae consultant who didn’t charge the earth if you want to PM me. Best not to take another pill unless you’ve had a negative test.

Good Luck OP, hope you get the result you want. We’re here for you whatever the outcome.

Sorry OP but I think it is very unlikely that you'll be pregnant with everything you have said.

I would suggest you do the test ASAP though so you can draw a line under it all. The longer you leave it the more you're likely to convince yourself and the harder it will be. Rip the plaster off, be kind to yourself and feel what you need to feel.

I’m really sorry for all your lost hopes OP. I can feel your trauma and rising panic in your words.

How about you give yourself a couple of weeks to wait…just a bit of a chance to steady yourself up a bit before taking a test.
Fill the two weeks with little gifts and treats to yourself to find a place of calm within. Good healthy food, a new hairdo, plan a day out or weekend away to breathe some fresh air, find a new recipe to try, a special project you fancy doing or an early night with a book you want to read. Fill the two weeks with as much new positivity as you can while you wait it out, all the time accepting that as long as you are living as well as you can manage, what will be, will be.

The waiting is hard …life is hard especially when you are on your own.
Wishing you the very best of luck and fortune OP !

These symptoms are very common for perimenopause as well as pregnancy. I would take the test as I'd want to know. If it is negative, I think you should access some support. I was prepared for a hysterectomy 2 years ago and went through a grieving process when I faced the reality of not being able to have any more children. I found it so difficult. In the end, I didn't have the hysterectomy and I was in the position where I already had a child at that time yet I still found it very difficult so can imagine it will be much more so for you in your situation if that is the case. If it is positive, then I wish you the best of luck OP. Xxx

I agree with this. The longer you spend analysing symptoms and keeping hope alive, the harder it will be for your mind to process a negative

Handhold OP. The likelihood is that it’s peri symptoms and even if it is pregnancy I’d be wary of a false negative result so early on (I had a couple of these and it’s confusing). When did you last have sex? If it’s been 6+ weeks I’d test, otherwise I think it’s a wait-and-see situation.

If you are not strong enough to cope with taking a test today, then wait a couple more days.

But my concern would be that the longer you leave it, the more you’ll be hopeful and the harder it will be to receive unwanted news.

You have had a lot to deal with this month but that’s not going to suddenly get better in a few days time.
You will still be dealing with all of those things whether you take the test now or wait.

I personally would take the day off and shut yourself away this weekend.

Take a test and have a good cry.
Have a weekend to process it and feel sorry for yourself and do things that you want to do - eat some junk food, watch a box set, stay in your PJs all day etc.

Its ok to have some time to just feel sorry for yourself and just focus on yourself without having to do anything productive.
Kids call it having a MH day and I think we all need one every now and then.

Grit your teeth and take a test. I convinced myself I was pregnant aged about 44 after a 6 week gap between periods. It was our old friend the perimenopause. You never know.

Whatever happens you are not too old.if it's not the result you want and I suspect I am sorry...that it won't be.. you are not too old to adopt or try with someone else's egg.If you have the money.I understand your longing but if you want a result sometimes one has to be steely cold and think of different ways to achieve it.Sentiment does not always help.

OP I think you need to take the test with the knowledge that it will likely be negative. I only say this because with every day you don’t do a test there will be a hope that will be forming that will be even more crushing the longer you wait it out. I’m so sorry for all of your struggles and I really have all my fingers crossed that the result is a positive one but I think you need to protect your mental health in this case. As others have suggested, is there anyone close to you who could be there when you do it?

Sending a handhold @Rosesbeforelove 💐

We will hold your hand x

The "period" you have when on the pill isn't a real period, so that isn't an indicator I'm afraid.

Also, while the symptoms you're experiencing are classic for pregnancy, they are also classic for the pill. So no indication either.

You really should take a test.

If you had a period two weeks ago I’m not sure even if you were pregnant that it would come up so soon?

I also knew I was pregnant a couple of weeks back and it took 4 tests over two weeks before it showed.

I would wait maybe. Trust me if you’re getting sickness that early then actual morning sickness will hit you like a wall in a few weeks time and the test will show then.

But I would stop taking the pill.

im keeping my figners crossed for you, i have a feeling this is not what you are hoping for BUT i personally would take the test! they are very accurate nowadays and if its a negative get yourself to the GP to discuss whats been going on?

if it helps, when my DD was pregnant she had spotting and bleeds all the way through!

keep us posted

I am 46, also on contraception, but woke one night feeling nauseous, had another day feeling nauseous, also a few episodes of heart burn last a couple of days (which I've only ever had during pregnancy) & my boobs have swollen & very sore. I convinced myself I was pregnant, I dreaded the thought due to age & circumstances, had sleepless nights, then tried to ignore it but then took the plunge & tested - negative.
I now wonder if these "symptoms" are linked to peri-menopause 🤔 or if it was all a bit psychosomatic - though I still have sore boobs.

Start by buying the test, then wait till your in the best frame of mind possible and do the test - is there anyone you can tell so they're ready to support you if you need it?

Good luck

I think I would test if I were you. Then you know and can deal with however you end up feeling at the result. I really hope you get the result you want. Big hand hold x

You don't have "periods" on the pill. It's a withdrawal bleed that is a side effect of not taking the pill so the "period" she had recently doesn't mean anything in terms of whether she's pregnant or not as it wasn't a real period.

No major advice and i truly hope you get the result you’re after, but I was always under the impression that your bleeds on the pill aren’t a proper period.

I conceived twice in my 40s, both times I was convinced that it was peri-menopause and seeing the positive test is still a very vivid memory. Sadly both pregnacies ended in miscarriage. I tested because I was convinced I wasn't pregnant but needed to know one way or the other as I had a lot of symptoms. I totally get where you are coming from and I feel so sorry about all you have been through. For me it was the limbo of not knowing that made me test.

Op I hope you get the results you want just be aware that peri cause cause you to wee a lot as well as feeling sick sometimes however the best way to find out is to just bite the bullet and do it at least you will know for sure then. Good luck.

It sounds like perimenopause, unfortunately. It can be very cruel with skipped periods and unusual symptoms (I've been trying to find a 'hug' emoji on Mumsnet).

I sympathise SOO MUCH. I've been pregnant once (naturally) in more than a decade of trying, despite having regular sex with DH, and I didn't even think to test until I was nearly 6 weeks because it was so unlikely.

Unfortunately, if you have fertility issues already, you're very unlikely to be pregnant, while on the pill, after a brief sexual encounter, aged 44. But our bodies are experts at breaking our dreams.

I'd assume you're not pregnant (because it's vanishingly unlikely), but take the test to put your mind at rest.

Oh I see. Well if OP is going to do it I would go straight to the expensive digital early detection ones.

Just trying to limit the number of tests OP is taking as she’s saying it’s traumatic.