Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop giving her money

123 replies

MyYorkie · 11/07/2024 21:06

AIBU to stop borrowing friend money, I can't be sure if she is fabricating stories or even telling me the truth.

The friend let's call her Rach, works when her kids are at school, I'm not sure what she does work wise it's very hush hush.

The stories Rach tells me to lend money are ridiculous. it's 10/20quid a week, I never get it back. The problem I have, Rach makes me feel so guilty that she can't feed her kids and that they are in bed hungry and starving.

She'll text saying they havent ate since school, and they she doesn't have any food, they get school meals.

she'll tell me she's escaped an abusive relationship, she's got a new fella and she's magically fine, they've stopped her child benefit, and universal credit, she's told me that she's in a woman shelter and none of her family will help, Her prams broke, her fridge has broken,she doesn't have money for gifts, she's having to walk the kids to school 15 miles each way, i know she is lying, 15 hilly miles with 4 kids under 10 isn't happening. That the kids need new coats or trainers.

her texts messages are always late at night and I literally have hell trying to decode them, but they always asks for money, or can I help the kids, I worry so much for the kids.

There is something more to this but I just don't know what? I only speak to her through messages so I take her word, but resently I have started saying no, because I feel she's not being truthful, but know she's upped her game and again she is at it with the stories about how hard done by she is and her kids are starving, that the kids love me, I haven't seen them in years because the distance, I have help her out alot before because I genuinely thought she and the kids needed help, but her stories are making me question her, is she taking me for a idiot, nothing she saying adds up.

The only people I feel for are the kids, I have my own kids to provide for too I just can't keep lending her money. Help!

OP posts:
Universalsnail · 11/07/2024 21:11

Honestly I think your friend is either gambling or taking drugs or something that she needs quick cash for and because you keep giving she keeps asking. You need to say no no matter what sob story she gives you. I have have had addicted friends and family do this so many times.

Dreamingofthishouse · 11/07/2024 21:12

A quick response of …” that’s awful I feel for you , kids shouldn’t be starving in todays society , would you like me to contact social services for you for a Food bank referral and Prehaps they could offer you other local support too ? As I’m not local I don’t know all the supports but I’m sure ss can point you in right direction”

Ayeyourebeingadick · 11/07/2024 21:13

She’s literally scamming you. Stop it ASAP, she’s not your friend and better to stop now before she rinses you of 100s or 1000s more.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/07/2024 21:14

Can I please have £20? I’ll say it’s a lone but I won’t pay it back. You haven’t met my kids but I could use some free cash!

No? Because it’s your hard earned money, we never see each other and it’s my responsibility to feed and care for my children?

What you have is a miserable expensive hobby that’s stressing you out. Block her and stop wasting your time and money. Better late than never! How much has she cost you in total? What else could you have done with that money?

MounjaroUser · 11/07/2024 21:15

She's not your friend. She thinks you're a cashpoint machine.

If she's messaging like that late at night I reckon she's either pissed or taking drugs and wants to order more but would rather use your money.

I'd block her completely. She's a user.

PiggieWig · 11/07/2024 21:16

When you say you only talk over message - have you actually met her and her kids? How you know her?

Yes, it all sounds very dubious. I wouldn’t lend her any more. Does she even pay it back?

pikkumyy77 · 11/07/2024 21:16

Yikes! This is bad.

ByCupidStunt · 11/07/2024 21:16

Offer to give her food for the kids instead of money.

Her response will tell you what you need to know.

MyYorkie · 11/07/2024 21:17

Thank you for the replies, I've known her years through her sister, I really thought we were friends until recently but it's hard when she brings the kids into it, I have told her no a few times but she keeps asking.

OP posts:
TheSerenePinkOrca · 11/07/2024 21:17

I'd she genuinely has kids then I'd be contacting social services to check on their welfare.

Irridescantshimmmer · 11/07/2024 21:21

Just tell her that unless she coughs up what she's ready owes you, she's getting no more money from you.

She can't keep borrowing and paying you back, you are not a cash point. She's manipulated enough out of you up to now.

Wimberry · 11/07/2024 21:28

If the texts are always late at night, could it be she's under the influence?
I have a family member who always seems to need emergency gas/leccy/milk after 10pm. Rather, it's a 'I've run out of booze and it's an hour before the off licence shuts'. As they've had a few, they have no shame about asking (and probably forget the next day which is why they keep trying!)

MyYorkie · 11/07/2024 21:30

It's always late on a night, I definitely think she is up to something, it's every week wanting 10/20 quid, I can't send her food, I don't know where she lives, the last thing I knew she was in a womens shelter, I don't even know if that's true, I'm a total idiot for believing her,

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 11/07/2024 21:31

You reply, every time:

'Oh no, I was going to ask you for that £20 I lent you last week/month etc, back... we're totally skint...'

Something I used to do to a right gobby madam who seemed to think I was her free cash machine and if I wouldn't help, would tell the world I was mean/tight/etc...

'Oh no, if the kids are hungry, you can always pop round here for a slice of toast/cup of soup'...

She never bothered, it would have meant walking round the corner and none of her kids would have eaten soup and toast, but she also couldn't bitch about me to anyone as I'd happily show them text messages offering to give the kids a meal. I did have to do that once or twice and thats when the wheels started falling off her lies as it became clear lots of people were offering to feed the kids, she never took anyone up on it, therefore clearly wanted money to spend on something else!

Runnerinthenight · 11/07/2024 21:33

TheSerenePinkOrca · 11/07/2024 21:17

I'd she genuinely has kids then I'd be contacting social services to check on their welfare.

This is exactly what I was thinking.

Block her @MyYorkie - she's no 'friend'!!

Mintypig · 11/07/2024 21:36

Block her. You haven’t seen her in years and for all you know her kids are in care and she is a drug user. Stop giving your money out so freely. It’s clearly a con.

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 11/07/2024 21:37

Your friend is a drug or gambling addict. I would say drugs but she's not borrowing enough for drugs so it's probably gambling. You will not be the only one she is borrowing from.
Stop giving her money, I know it's hard but its not helping her or the kids. Report your concerns immediately to children's services and if you can, ask her if there is a deeper issue she wants to talk to you about with no judgement because you want to help.

AquaFurball · 11/07/2024 21:37

If you don't know where she lives call the police and tell them you are concerned for the welfare of the children, give them her name and the area she lives in. They will find her, especially if she's in a refuge and do a welfare check or contact social services.

You will have done everything you can for any children involved.
Block her and carry on with your life.

TomatoSandwiches · 11/07/2024 21:37

Tell he she still owes you X amount.
I've lived in women's shelters they don't let children go hungry.

Block her number and don't Hinksey of her anymore, she's not your friend.

user1471538275 · 11/07/2024 21:38

Block her number. She is not your friend. You are just a mug she is using to get money from.

MyYorkie · 11/07/2024 21:39

Runnerinthenight · 11/07/2024 21:33

This is exactly what I was thinking.

Block her @MyYorkie - she's no 'friend'!!

I'm going to, I'm stick of her, My guts instinct is telling me she's up to something.

OP posts:
Runnerinthenight · 11/07/2024 21:40

MyYorkie · 11/07/2024 21:39

I'm going to, I'm stick of her, My guts instinct is telling me she's up to something.

She most definitely is. Have you ever met her children?

LaWench · 11/07/2024 21:42

Does she pay you back?

kiwiane · 11/07/2024 21:43

It’s for drugs or alcohol - say no and block her.

MyYorkie · 11/07/2024 21:44

LaWench · 11/07/2024 21:42

Does she pay you back?

She's offers but it never materialisers, so no she's never paid me back.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread