To stop giving her money

[MyYorkie]

AIBU to stop borrowing friend money, I can't be sure if she is fabricating stories or even telling me the truth.

The friend let's call her Rach, works when her kids are at school, I'm not sure what she does work wise it's very hush hush.

The stories Rach tells me to lend money are ridiculous. it's 10/20quid a week, I never get it back. The problem I have, Rach makes me feel so guilty that she can't feed her kids and that they are in bed hungry and starving.

She'll text saying they havent ate since school, and they she doesn't have any food, they get school meals.

she'll tell me she's escaped an abusive relationship, she's got a new fella and she's magically fine, they've stopped her child benefit, and universal credit, she's told me that she's in a woman shelter and none of her family will help, Her prams broke, her fridge has broken,she doesn't have money for gifts, she's having to walk the kids to school 15 miles each way, i know she is lying, 15 hilly miles with 4 kids under 10 isn't happening. That the kids need new coats or trainers.

her texts messages are always late at night and I literally have hell trying to decode them, but they always asks for money, or can I help the kids, I worry so much for the kids.

There is something more to this but I just don't know what? I only speak to her through messages so I take her word, but resently I have started saying no, because I feel she's not being truthful, but know she's upped her game and again she is at it with the stories about how hard done by she is and her kids are starving, that the kids love me, I haven't seen them in years because the distance, I have help her out alot before because I genuinely thought she and the kids needed help, but her stories are making me question her, is she taking me for a idiot, nothing she saying adds up.

The only people I feel for are the kids, I have my own kids to provide for too I just can't keep lending her money. Help!

Contact social services and block her. She’s not paying you back and as you can tell, the stories don’t appear to have a great deal of truth in them. Don’t let her guilt trip you into giving her money.

I think you mean lending her money.

Giving her money. She never gets it back.

Do you know why they don’t get on? Could they have fallen out because of money?

I’m struggling to believe that someone would so freely give money to someone who they don’t really know but more fool you tbh.

Call her bluff, tell her that you will visit to give her money and ask for her address. Then speak to Social Services.

I wonder why they don’t get on?

Message her, gently remind her that she owes you money and that you can't lend her any more until she pays it back. That way you are giving her warning that she can't rely on you for more money, and if she asks again you can presume she's planned for you to say no.

I'd send her something like this (but wouldn't actually do what you're saying).
...

"I'm so sorry you're still struggling and the kids haven't any food. I'm going to contact Social Services for you tomorrow
to see if there is any help they can give you.

It's not right that you need to borrow money to survive"!

Fuck me, just block her.

This is exactly what she does and brings the kids into it.

It's very clear that this person is not your friend. She's lying to you and she's using you.

Do you have any idea how much money you've given her over the years? £10/£20 a week soon adds up.

Just do a switcheroo and ask for money in return.
“I’m sorry I don’t have anything to give you, I have no money. If you can get me back some of what you owe me I’d appreciate it though”
She will disappear

Stop giving her money and report her to social services.

I do know her, she isn't a stranger, I've know her and her sister years.

If the children are at risk, and as horrible as it is to do, perhaps ask if social services could help improve the living conditions.

I wouldn't be comfortable with someone asking me for money all the time especially if I didn't know what it was going towards.

What does her sister say about this ? Can't she confirm the friend's (and her children's) circumstances ?

Next time I’d just reply saying you simply can’t/wont do it anymore as you don’t feel she’s being honest about what the money is going on, not to mention never getting it back.

I appreciate all of your advice, I'm the first to admit I'm utter fool and I've been a idiotic tool too, but I'm also a very kind heart person who been dealing with the death of my mother, I just haven't been think probably and this is probably why I've fallen for con, but I will do what I've been advise and block her and ring SS x

Tell her you cant afford, it then start pestering her for money.
She's a grifter, 'match her energy' & grift her back!

Likely a drug or alcohol problem which isn't your problem, she probably gets food for them from banks. Stop giving her money tell her she needs to pay you back the 100 she borrowed

Well done for blocking and calling social services OP. That is the absolute best response to this. If her children are genuinely starving (and they may well be getting neglected if she's an addict like many PPs suspect) someone desperately needs to do a welfare check on them.

Take care xx

you are not a fool op you are a kind hearted person who wants to help and has been taken advantage of. Your friend and I use the term loosely has issues something going on and is lying to you nip it in the bud as you are doing them no favours in the long term bailing them out they need to deal with whatever is going on

I say that as someone who has constantly bailed out my dsis as has my dm lend her money as her expenses are late pay for her shopping as she’s forgotten her card be a guarantor for a loan so she gets a better rate all lies i could go on but it’s all lies no addiction or gambling she just constantly overspends and is up to her eyes in debt again. Dm is elderly now and she’s not asked to be bailed out anymore and has been helping herself to her bank account cut me and my family off when I raised concerns over missing money and is now being investigated by office of public guidance and the police not sure if she is aware yet but I can’t help but think If we hadn’t of pandered to her bailed her out so many times thinking we were helping she wouldn’t be in this mess

Well done OP.

Stick to your guns.

Exactly this.

Work out how much she's stolen from your kids and you won't find it hard to stop.

You sound lovely, kind, thoughtful and trusting. She sounds the total opposite and as others have already said it is possibly drink, drugs or gambling. I think that as you do not see her face to face it should be relatively easy to get shot of her, there have been some great suggestions about how to word messages that will free you from her late night messages. I had a "friend" a bit like this; she had a little one, and I used to see her socially. She was always tapping me up for cash or food. I would help her out as I had known her for years, she was a single mum and I had been one too and knew what a struggle it could be. However, it gradually dawned on me that I was being played as she was scrounging off another couple of mates too. We all agreed to stop helping her apart from offering to feed her and the child at our homes, no cash, no bags of shopping, no loans that never got paid back. Guess what? She gradually exited our lives as we were not giving on her terms.