MN phrases that you would ban

[Malahide]

I’ll go first..

Potty shot. 🤢
Makes me squirm. Nobody needs to be sharing their scan photos for strangers on the internet to (probably wrongly) guess their baby’s gender. The whole thing is ridiculous

See also 'you sound young OP!' Soooo patronising.

I also hate it when posters attack people who enjoy being fussed over on their birthday! (People ask 'hey OP, are you 5?') SO rude!

AND I hate it when posters have a dig at people who don't like to open the front door when they're not expecting anyone. There's a multitude of reasons why people don't want to answer, and they don't deserve to be mocked for it.

It's usually the same people who ask 'are you 5?' say 'you sound hard work,' and who mock people for eating small portions of food, and call them 'teeny tiny' and ask if they are 'very elderly.' Horrible rude snarky behaviour!

This. ^

Oh yes, asking those involved is just not on.

Far better to do an AIBU? on here and wait several days.

By which time of course the car has moved / person left the cafe / parcel brought round / problem has solved itself.

@Wheredidileavemycarkeys

Well yeah - if your DH is being a tit to you, and making your life miserable, it's understandable that people may think you would be better off without your DH.

The point is though, that people say LTB constantly on here, as if it's as easy as opening and closing a door. Just pack your life into 2 suitcases and trot off into the sunset, like it's THAT easy. And as has been said, sometimes people say LTB for really silly trivial reasons. And even if they're not trivial, they don't suggest people try to work things out, or suggest sensible things, they just say LEAVE!

Like, where the fuck are these women meant to go?

See also 'kick him out. Make him leave - now!' No man is going to pack his suitcases and leave his OWN HOME! (And where is HE meant to go?)

We've got several million people waiting on the social housing list, and 100s of 1000s of people who struggle to get private let homes. Where is any woman or man meant to go if they leave? A Travelodge?! Be lucky even to get a room there as it's often full, and also it would work out very expensive if you stayed there long term. And where are all your possessions meant to go?

Despite the constant chorus of LEAVE THE BASTARD on Mumsnet, in reality, it is incredibly difficult to leave your spouse/long-term partner. And the longer you have been together the harder it is, for all the reasons I mentioned in my earlier post - joint finances, joint extended families, children together, home together, your whole lives completely entwined/enmeshed. Along with NOWHERE ELSE TO GO.

Often easier for many women to weather the storm and stay. It will get better eventually for most. I know a number of women who left her husband for not really trivial reasons, but for things that they could probably have worked on. And they are now middle aged, begging for extra hours at work - to make ends meet, constantly brassick, very lonely, and miserable as sin.

The picture painted on Mumsnet (from some posters) of a woman leaving her 'crappy' DH and living a wonderful single life full of joy and happiness, gorgeous young men chasing after her, retraining for a new career, walking into a shiny new career paying £125K a year, and getting a new bunch of friends, and living her best life is a pure fantasy.

This will NOT happen for the vast majority of women who leave their husband. Most will be lonely, and will be living on or below the poverty line, without a pot to piss in, and be working every hour God send just to make ends meet.

“It’s too peopley out there.”

Absolutely hate this phrase. Dressing grumpiness and misanthropy up erroneously as “being an introvert”.

I find it disturbing that you can now get mugs and mousemats with this loathsome little phrase on them.

Grow up. It’s not all about you and your specialness.

@HungryLittleCrocodile

I understand what you mean about LTB but I think you are misreading it.

Its not meant to suggest that it’s easy. It’s meant to show the OP that her instincts are correct and that remaining in her marriage is not the best way to be happy. Sometimes it really is worth spelling this out because posters are usually in denial. It takes a lot to put yourself through this upheaval and most people will understandably avoid it unless it’s absolutely necessary. No one is going to leave a marriage that’s even reasonably tolerable just because some people have said LTB to them.

And you are correct that extricating yourself from a marriage is not easy even when you’re working and not to be taken lightly.

But it’s always possible if you want it badly enough. There are protections in place for women who desperately need to leave their marriages. You can do it if it’s your absolute priority. Sometimes people just need to be woken up to how bad it is.

At least that's a unisex piece of advice!

If a partner is abusive (as opposed to just extremely annoying) then I would say that leaving is the best thing to do. Especially if you have children. If you’ve no money/social support then it will be hard yes I’m not denying that. I am not for one second saying it will be rosy and wonderful.

For everything else yes you can communicate with your partner rather than post on MN but, since you’ve chosen to post on MN rather than communicate with your partner, the reply’s are possibly going to assume it’s gone past that point (rightly or wrongly).

A general question. Does everyone believe the one-sided version of events that are written on MN?

I generally subtract 90% for exaggeration.

Let’s face it. Most of the time the LTB comments are not helpful to an OP. The majority of posters create threads to ask for some guidance on a problem, and throwaway comments like LTB are extremely rude because they aren’t helpful at all.

@JudgeJ

A general question. Does everyone believe the one-sided version of events that are written on MN?

All versions of a story are one sided by their nature. It’s not the job of a poster to make a judgement on who is telling the truth. All you can do is respond to the facts as they are presented to you.

If the DH/DP gave their side of the story you would weigh up the stories but they don’t. You have to go on what you are told.

I happen to think most of the time posters underplay what bellends their partners are anyway. Astonishingly poor standards of behaviour are tolerated. It’s usually all “but he’s a great dad,” following a long laundry list of abusive or neglectful behaviour. No he’s not a great dad, he’s a deadbeat and you are kidding yourself.

Thats why LTB is sometimes so powerful. You can strip back the self denial about him being a great dad and focus on getting the OP to look the situation in the face.

See, I think this one is ok because it is almost always someone trying as best they can to be kind to someone who has suffered a loss. See also “didn’t want to read and run”, I think it’s usually people who can’t give any advice but want to send love to the OP. In particular it’s often when the OP hasn’t had many replies.

There’s a lot of unpleasantness on MN, so I have no problem with the particular phrases someone uses when trying to be nice!

Oh yes, ‘discuss’. It’s so rude and superior.

'Why did you have children with this man?' As if that's in any way constructive, plus it essentially tells someone their DC shouldn't exist.

'Clever' YABU responses such as 'YABU for not asserting yourself/liking toilet brushes/being a SAHM/being a doormat/not having LTB' etc etc where this wasn't what the OP was asking. I think it probably skews poll results quite often, plus it's often derailing.

'We've lost sight of what a healthy weight is.'

'You knew he had kids when you married him.'

'Netmums is that way hun' if anyone dares to ask for a little kindness.

Any reply that uses the 'crying with laughter' emoji if it's being used to mock. These seem to be on the rise lately.

Hope this helps or its abbreviation HTH. It's so unoriginal and passive aggressive.

@Thepeopleversuswork All versions of a story are one sided by their nature. It’s not the job of a poster to make a judgement on who is telling the truth. All you can do is respond to the facts as they are presented to you.

Not quite - often it's very clear from what is said that what went on was unlikely to be as described. Sometimes the answers are there and only the OP can't see it.

I'm sure I have seen somewhere that Naff off was invented by the Press after Princess Anne told them to F* off when they were getting in the way during a cross-country. They didn't want to report what she'd actually said so they said she's told them to Naff off!

@Thedayb4youcame

Not quite - often it's very clear from what is said that what went on was unlikely to be as described. Sometimes the answers are there and only the OP can't see it.

Maybe. But I am sure most posters understate the extent of their partners’ dickish behaviour rather than exaggerate it because they realise that in the cold light of day anyone can see he’s a deadbeat.

Its very rare that a poster complains about her husband to be told that she is being unfair and he isn’t as bad as all that.

I mean I’ve read a lot of threads where it sounds (from the OPs description) that the partners behaviour is abusive and you think bringing that to their attention is rude?

Yes, there are some threads where the issue is not that dire and the default LTB seems to be an over reaction but they are the minority I would say.

"if that makes sense"

Mnetters are always too stunned or shocked to say anything!

@brunettemic

Name changed because it’s outing”…but then shares clear and specific details. People know who you are from the post not your screen name, I don’t get it. Sure, you can then go back to your usual name but the fact it’s your is already clearly there

That means that the poster is happy if they are recognised as being a MNer sharing one event . What they don't want is for people to know about other stuff they post. This maybe because they compartmentalise their lives, i.e. happy for their friends to know they are on MN telling a funny story about their holiday that they've already shared, but wouldn't want those same friends to know details about their health or relationship difficulties they may have posted about under their usual user name. Alternatively they may use anonymity to be a right bitch to people !

Perhaps they think it's the teachers 🤣