To think dH has well and truly done it for me! Quick responses needed pls!

[Iusedtobecarmen]

Been with DP 20 yrs plus. 4 dc. Not getting on great for a while. Long story. He talks to me like shit(denies it) I sulk. Vicious circle.
Make up for a bit. Back to square one.
Anyhow. Fell out a week or so ago. Silent treatment all round.
I have a hen do in Europe. Leaving tomorrow for 2 days. I didn't want to leave on bad terms as I normally never leave him and dc.
Made a kind of apology/ make the peace on Monday. He didn't really respond.
Thought tonight he may try and speak or make amends. He hasn't. Leave 10am tomorrow I won't see him. I said goodnight, see you in 2 days. He just said yeah see ya.
I could cry. It's ruined my time away. He's been an arsehole. I've never felt like this before. Pls respond ASAP as I have to be up at 5am😪

there is a difference between sulking and being hurt, I disagree with comments criticising OP; if someone treats you badly and doesn't apologise should you forgive and forget? i dont think so!!

Instead of wishing that you have a nice time he wants to make you feel shit. Selfish and mean behavior.

Instigating a row to stop you going out to do what exactly?

Seeing family? Abusive.
Daytime lunches with friends? Abusive.
Bookclubs? Abusive.
Helping the old lady down the road? Abusive.

Clubbing? NOT abusive.

Exactly.

@Euro24 you are being utterly ridiculous.

I do actually, Married 3 kids.

Grow up, not everyone has same tastes as you,
Going to a club doesn't mean you are looking for a hook up, some people enjoy dancing and having fun with girlfriends- its ok even if you wouldn't find it fun.

OP didn't say she is going clubbing could be a yoga retreat for all you know

He is sulking because you are going away and he has to look after his children. Go and have a great time.

I would go and have time of my life.
Get back happy and shining.
Ignore him with a happy face.
Make him question what happened during a weekend that made you so joyfull.
Happiness is the best revenge.
Once he sees you can enjoy life without him he will either coma crawling back or you can split.

Married with 3 kids and still living like someone in their teens and twenties. I think it's you that needs to grow up.

Clubs are designed to create an atmosphere of hedonism, nobody is immune to that. Even the best of us.

Pounding music, alcohol, possibly drugs, it's all about sex.

Why deny it?

My ex used to do similar things to me. Even after we split up he emailed me during my brothers wedding in Norway to say I had damaged my kids and didn't ask their permission to go away, even though it had been booked for months. I let him ruin that for me so don't do the same. Enjoy your trip away.

Instead of looking at it as a negative - you've left on bad terms, look at the positive which is that this break has come at a great time - you get some space away from each other.
Don't let him ruin it. Don't contact him. If he contacts you with any bullshit ignore it. Focus on you and your friends. And have a wonderful time!

I agree with this, there’s no point in demonising the man as her behaviour isn’t much better

TBH this does sound a bit like DH and me BUT it never lasts more than a hour. He's really hurt me a couple of times and I've had the biggest apologies from him.

We're currently undergoing a lot of stress and we tend to take it out on each other.

I'm staying because I have nowhere else to go and the good times really outweigh the bad.

It sounds like he's no long invested in your relationship. Enjoy your weekend and don't let him spoil it.

BTW clubs seem to have really changed since my day.

Are you OP's hubby?

Or just miserable?

Clubbing is about drinking and dancing your tits off. It's about having fun and letting your hair down.

OP needs a break from her relationship and to straighten her head out without some Victorian maiden aunt getting her bloomers in a tizz.

OP, the key to this is learning to enjoy his silent treatments and stop seeking his approval. If he treats you like shit, then that's what he thinks of you. You will not change him, especially by trying to please him. Easy to say, I know, but ignore him and start recording what he says. Your divorce solicitor if not your sanity will thank you.

And note what he says: it's probably just standard misogynistic guff. What does he do to get your goat? It's going to be a short playlist. Try to focus on the kids. They will carry you through. Look at him as a big toddler; when you start finding him funny/ ridiculous you'll have won. At the moment he's winning because he's controlling your moods

Now go out and have a great time.

🤣🤣🤣 blimey is it the 1950s?

Why are you OBSESSED with clubbing 😂 😂 😂 who hurt you

Euro24 wasn't hurt.

He got knocked back.

Incel, methinks

@Euro24 I don’t know if clubbing has changed but back in my day at the clubs I went to it was all about the music, dancing and friends. It was never about sex. I am both by your standards and mine too old for clubbing! My ex husband pretty much stopped attending clubs where dance music and drugs (and maybe sex)were more the focus not long after we for together - they were never my thing anyway but we still both still went other types of clubs. I don’t think you can/should lump them all together.

Well why don't we do the same?
Let's move on without talking it through:
Moving on: got your passport ready? Is it a big crowd of friends going? What's the itinerary?
How exciting to be having a few days away!

This. Enjoy , have a fabulous time. Don't give him a seconds headspace.

you know nothing about me or my behaviour, I don't drink I don't take drugs,
😂😂bet your fun to be around!!

Go and appreciate the great time you have without him, learn from that, and start the process to split when you get back.

This relationship sounds like a couple of teenagers. It’s not healthy or mature on either side.

I'm a married woman.

Clubs are about pulling, simple as that. Everybody knows this. You'd go to pull, that's all they're there for. Nobody really thinks they're about dancing or any of that bullshit. You can dance at home. You can drink at home.
You lose - or should lose-all desire to go to them once you find someone you really like/get married/couple up.

I won't be swayed on this.

If OP has any sense and IF - and I do mean IF- this weekend is about getting drunk and clubbing and not spa days and lunches, she'd be best staying at home if she really wants to save her relationship and attempt to rebuild with her dp.

No point though as the both sound really immature but worth a try I guess.

OFGS this is text book.. did you not know that only the men in a marriage can go away without spouse or kids .. poor didums has to 'do it all' not just the drudge practical stuff but a few days of actual mental load..

Then along came a fight - like manna from heaven - so instead of getting over it in the normal time scale.. . Now he is able to justify an enormous sulk with the added bonus of fucking with your head throughout your time away ..

Transparent in the extreme.

Don't indulge it OP.
Swing out that door tomorrow at 5 am like a teenager and park this bollox until you return .

@Euro24 ”you can dance at home” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
best laugh I’ve had all week 👌🏻 thanks