To think dH has well and truly done it for me! Quick responses needed pls!

[Iusedtobecarmen]

Been with DP 20 yrs plus. 4 dc. Not getting on great for a while. Long story. He talks to me like shit(denies it) I sulk. Vicious circle.
Make up for a bit. Back to square one.
Anyhow. Fell out a week or so ago. Silent treatment all round.
I have a hen do in Europe. Leaving tomorrow for 2 days. I didn't want to leave on bad terms as I normally never leave him and dc.
Made a kind of apology/ make the peace on Monday. He didn't really respond.
Thought tonight he may try and speak or make amends. He hasn't. Leave 10am tomorrow I won't see him. I said goodnight, see you in 2 days. He just said yeah see ya.
I could cry. It's ruined my time away. He's been an arsehole. I've never felt like this before. Pls respond ASAP as I have to be up at 5am😪

😀

Download Lundy Bancroft’s book Why Does He Do That? onto your phone (Apple Books or kindle app)and read it while you’re on the plane. You’ll return a whole new person!

You said you sulk and give him the silent treatment. There isn't only one to blame in this. Definitely get some counselling together if you want to stay together which I suspect you do.

Tbh I had go re-read your OP.

You are saying you sulk and there is "silent treatment all round".

I have been on the receiving end of silent treatment and it drove me to leave my marriage for me and my DC's sanity.

This isn't good for you or your DC and sounds toxic.

I honestly don’t think men are that crafty.
Your husband is an arsehole, plain and simple.
Go to bed, have sweet dreams.
Go to the hen and have an epic time.
Hope that the days apart will make your husband appreciate you more than when you left.
Have hope. You’ve gotta have hope.

Nope, don’t agree with anyone blaming you here OP. It’s not sulking as he hasn’t apologised for his behaviour. He’s basically expecting you to forgive and forget and move on without his acknowledging that he’s treated you like shit. I wouldn’t speak to him either.
You have been the bigger person and tried to make amends, he’s thrown it back in your face. Go, ignore him. Enjoy your trip and consider the future of your relationship while you’re away.

I just don’t get the number of adults (mainly men but women too) who do the sulk for days thing. It’s straight out the playground, totally pathetic.

OP seriously just enjoy your 2 days away...relax and more importantly reflect if this is for the rest of your life??? I think not 🙄

This! It's a fun weekend away. You won't have to see him. Put it away in your mind and have a brilliant time away with friends. Deal with it when you get back.

You don't deserve to be talked to like shit, he is punishing you with the silent treatment and flippant responses and wants you to have a shit time stewing over it and it's working.

Just inhale and exhale all his bullshit, don't let him ruin your lovely weekend with your friends. Get some sleep, get going in the morning and don't give him another fucking thought.

Just give him a genuinely cheery, non sarcastic goodbye tomorrow and completely ignore this shitty tantrum. Then don't give the petulent cunt another thought this weekend. Don't let him ruin it or drag you into an argument. Have a good sleep and have fun lovely. Xx

It is you OP. You said you sulk. Sulking is controlling behaviour. Your kids are having to live with you two in a horrible, toxic environment. You need to own your own behaviour here instead of blaming him for it.

@PrinnyPree · Today 23:45
You don't deserve to be talked to like shit, he is punishing you with the silent treatment and flippant responses and wants you to have a shit time stewing over it and it's working.*
The op says she sulks.
It's the 4 children who are being punished. For something they haven't done and have no control over.

What will be will be. Let him sulk. Enjoy some distance.

What a fucker. Leaving on those terms would ruin it for me too.

I agree with PPs that there are bigger problems than this one episode though. You need to get out of think funk where you’re both pissing each other off and sulking.

He's obviously hoping to ruin your trip so don't let him. Get some sleep then go and do your absolute best to have a great time! When you come back, give some serious thought to whether you want to be in a relationship with someone who talks to you like shit. You deserve better.

XH did this to me when he was just off on a 2 week trip. I tried to conclude his silent treatment before he went, but he wasn't having any of it. He walked out of the door at 6am without even saying goodbye.

I got an apology about 3 days in.

Whilst I think you need to box it up while you are away and have fun with your mates, maybe consider couples counselling when you return. If this is a cycle of behaviour, don't ignore it as it may go too far down the line to be redeemed.

Have a great time away.

Have a good time while you’re away. And have a think about what you want out of life. How old are your children?

He's an arse.
But you need to reclaim control of your emotions and your responses.
Why does he get to ruin your time away? Park all the stress, get on that plane with a book and a coffee or wee glass of fizz and enjoy every minute of your break.

Go and enjoy your holiday. If he has to look after 4 kids for 2 days he might appreciate you a bit more.
It's possible he has done this on purpose to ruin your time away.
I dont really know why it is preventing you from having fun when this has happened 100 times before. You surely must be used to it.
He'd be as happy as Larry if you didn't go.
If you are going to stay with him you'll either have to harden yourself against his moods or maybe think about separating.

If you are continually going to sleep on a row the discontent is bigger than the relationship can withstand.

Try to enjoy your time away and then come back and reassess whether this is actually somebody you want to be with. He doesnt sound very nice.

Silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse, and very manipulative. Don’t let him see or sense you’re upset. That’s what he wants. You’ve been together a long time, so he knows how to press your buttons. Focus on your time away. Don’t contact him, unless you have to contact him re the kids. And just have a carefree, stress free break. Don’t let him spoil your holiday. What an arsehole…

Have a good time OP.

Whilst you are away have a serious think about just what exactly you get from this relationship.
Sounds like you both need to grow up too.....

Wherever you are going, fucking stay there!

And change your name to Shirley Valentine! Enjoy my lovely xx