To think dH has well and truly done it for me! Quick responses needed pls!

[Iusedtobecarmen]

Been with DP 20 yrs plus. 4 dc. Not getting on great for a while. Long story. He talks to me like shit(denies it) I sulk. Vicious circle.
Make up for a bit. Back to square one.
Anyhow. Fell out a week or so ago. Silent treatment all round.
I have a hen do in Europe. Leaving tomorrow for 2 days. I didn't want to leave on bad terms as I normally never leave him and dc.
Made a kind of apology/ make the peace on Monday. He didn't really respond.
Thought tonight he may try and speak or make amends. He hasn't. Leave 10am tomorrow I won't see him. I said goodnight, see you in 2 days. He just said yeah see ya.
I could cry. It's ruined my time away. He's been an arsehole. I've never felt like this before. Pls respond ASAP as I have to be up at 5am😪

This exactly. Plus he’s probably jealous you’re going away. I hope someone posts photos he will see of you all having an amazing time. And maybe think about how long you can live like this, life is too short.

Nothing drives you to sulk.

This is a horrific atmosphere and example for your children. Enjoy your time out of it and then get them out of it permanently when you get back.

Perfect timing really - enjoy your break, let your hair down, and refocus when you get back. Is it time to call it quits on this relationship? Frankly it sounds like it….

Enjoy your break from him

maybe consider your options upon your return

even if you just emotionally distance yourself from him so his moods do not affect you so much

go out MORE

see friends MORE OFTEN

get as financially independent as possible, have a “running away fund” he cannot touch

slowly set yourself up so you are in a viable position to leave should you ever want to

Sounds like a chicken and an egg situation

I couldn’t live with someone who speaks to me like shit
but I couldn’t live with someone who sulks

whats his manner like in general and with other people

I work with someone who genuinely thinks they are straight talking but the reality is they come across as abrasive and rude

When you wake up tomorrow morning without that miserable git think on you could wake up stress free every day if you ltb.

He hasn’t ruined it at all! I get it’s not how you’d prefer to leave things, however you can put this out of mind and enjoy. This is manageable and can be seen to when you get back. I’d step out of the drama and bickering mindset, act normal and bid him a cheery farewell. If he sulks and pouts just have a giggle about how daft he’s being. It’ll cheer you up and put things into perspective. Sounds like a change of scene will be refreshing!

I reread the post … I sulk - silent treatment ..

This is not a way to resolve things ..

I would say you are both in the wrong ..

I initially thought he doesn’t want you to go away - however you would carry on sulking if you weren’t going away .

You need counselling because neither of you are communicating well .

If you had just challenged his comments to you at the time there wouldn’t be this game playing on both sides

You both sound abusive to me. Overgrown children both of you.

And, as a side note, what the hell are you doing going away on an extended girls' night out (that's what this trip is) when you've got a partner and kids?

Unless you're just going for lunches and spa days in which case I apologise but it's likely to be clubbing, isn't it?

Nobody-man NOR woman-should be happy with their partner doing that.

You stop doing that shit when you're married (or effectively) married.

I strongly suspect you'll cheat while away out of spite and give your toxic as hell 'relationshwip' more meat to chew on.

What on earth are you talking about? 🤦🏼‍♀️ Going clubbing isn’t the issue here. It’s fine to go for a night out / clubbing / whatever if you’re married. It’s not something that I’d personally do because I hate it but each to their own.

A previous boyfriend did this to me, sulked because I was going away with a friend. It was like a cloud over me all weekend. Never again, don't let him do this to you YOU are in charge of your feelings.

@Iusedtobecarmen your children deserve better.

No it's not fine at all.
Mature married people do not go clubbing.
No way would I tolerate that shit from a partner.
Moreover, in a happy relationship there is NO desire to go out to the meat market that are nightclubs.

I don't want to hear any naive bullshit about clubbing being for a good time, it's for attention from the opposite sex (if heterosexual). Simple as that.

In any case, the hen do could be about spa days and lunches, in which case I've already apologised.

Are you a man? Your viewpoint is one I’ve mainly only heard from a certain type of man. Clubbing to me has always been about enjoying musics, our favourite djs and having fun with friends.

I am not married and actually don’t like clubbing anymore but it’s a bit daft to not ok dictate to others if it’s ok or not in their own marriage.

If you and your spouse have decided clubbing is a thing you don’t do past a certain age or while you married that’s fine for you two . But each person decides the rules in their own relationships.

I had many married friends who went out clubbing a lot more than I did in our 20s. It didn’t harm their marriage and they’re all still married in their 30s/40s. Their husbands also went out too sometimes. The one friend I can think of who basically “wasn’t allowed” to go on night outs actually has the worst relationship out of any of my friends . She does everything and her partner who hasn’t married her after 3 kids is so lazy.

ETA: it sounds like a toxic relationship Op, the communication is so poor. If you do want to salvage it have you considered going to relationship counselling? Also are you actually married to him?

Hard to unravel this since you also engage in abusive behaviour. You are both creating an abusive home for your DC.

Go and enjoy your weekend away and when you're back have a serious talk and think about what's next. Maybe it's time to end the relationship if both of you are sulking and being shitty. It's not okay for DC to grow up in that environment.

YABU to let it ruin things. Go have fun.

But when you get home think about how your children deserve better than the vicious circle of abuse their parents are engaging in. You both actively choose that behaviour. They're caught in it with no choice in the matter.

Maybe he's in a bad mood because he - rightly-doesn't want her to go clubbing for 2 days?
It's not as if she's going away to her parents or family, for a weekend is it?

God I'd be sulking if my dh did the same.

His behaviour is no doubt worse because you are going away!
Mentally push it to one side, enjoy your break and face things when you get home!

No I most certainly am not a man. I am a woman and nightclubs are not a thing that grown ups in committed relationships do.
It's not even things you do when you really like a guy you're dating because there is no need to go to the meat market.

Even if there is no desire to cheat, music, alcohol and peer pressure all play a part to make cheating happen.

Jeez people are so naive not to see you don't do that shit when married.

And who has favourite dj's? 🙄

It’s not naive - it’s called people live and see things differently from you . People have different relationships and marriages to you!

You see it as some horrid meat market, fine don’t go then. Simples. Others see it as a place to go dress up, have fun and enjoy their youth (or reminisce their youth!) and listen to good music and dance so they go then!

If a guy tries to dance with you or comes over you can also decline them the same way as you would in a bar or in the street or the bus or the myriads of places men accost women. Same applies to men - they can reject women too…and the night continues.

Btw, not everyone drinks to get drunk when they go clubbing. Most of my social circle would have a few drinks or not drink at all.

And even the ones who did get drunk never went off with any men unless they were single. Men and women who do that when they’re drunk are likely to have done that when they’re sober too. The drink is just an excuse.

Just sounds like you go to shit clubs

Some people go clubbing to have fun and listen/dance to music

Really? 😂

Not really the point but we had favourite djs in my nearest city when we were younger . That’s why the clubs would advertise in advance who was dj-ing.

I know lots of people who are into house and dance who have or had favourite home & international DJs in places like Ibiza.

He is upset your going away, and trying to ruin it for you.
Anytime you start to worry get yourself a sod him treat....
Anytime you pick up the phone to beg for his attention write on here first.
Find a happy play list of songs and improve your mood, stop begging him to pick you, because that is what the silent treatment is for to punish you.
Next time an argument starts go the loo straight away. Sit, think, plan. If you react on instinct he always wins...
Enjoy .... you holiday.

My exh used to instigate a row before I went out.. Until I stopped going out.. Don't be that woman op.
Exh now and so much happier..