To think dH has well and truly done it for me! Quick responses needed pls!

[Iusedtobecarmen]

Been with DP 20 yrs plus. 4 dc. Not getting on great for a while. Long story. He talks to me like shit(denies it) I sulk. Vicious circle.
Make up for a bit. Back to square one.
Anyhow. Fell out a week or so ago. Silent treatment all round.
I have a hen do in Europe. Leaving tomorrow for 2 days. I didn't want to leave on bad terms as I normally never leave him and dc.
Made a kind of apology/ make the peace on Monday. He didn't really respond.
Thought tonight he may try and speak or make amends. He hasn't. Leave 10am tomorrow I won't see him. I said goodnight, see you in 2 days. He just said yeah see ya.
I could cry. It's ruined my time away. He's been an arsehole. I've never felt like this before. Pls respond ASAP as I have to be up at 5am😪

Absolutely this! He thinks he will ruin your trip if you don't make up. Don't let him. Send him silly pictures with a glass in hand laughing at the airport with friends....he'll be seething.

This

Definitely go and enjoy your trip.

Go and yea joy yourself, put the knobber to the back of your mind

Is he trying to spoil OP's trip though?

The relationship sounds an all round toxic affair, so he probably just doesn't care enough to make up. I mean, a man that consistently talks to you like shit, probably doesn't give a shiny shit whether you enjoy yourrself or not. In fact, he may just be looking forward to having a wonderful two days out of the heavy atmosphere.

What you can do too, OP, is enjoy your break away from him. Hopefully this is what you need to clear your head and decide how you can both create a better atmosphere for your children. This must be shit for them.

He wants you to be upset. He sounds horrible and it's all intentional.
Try and ignore it and have fun on these 2 days. 2 days! That's it and he's doing his best to make it crappy for you.
Don't give him the satisfaction and have fun with your friends.

Hi @Iusedtobecarmen
I think perhaps people are confusing you being upset after your DH talks to you like shit, with ‘sulking’.

I know that’s the word you used to describe it, but if he is talking to you like shit for no reason, then I wouldn’t say you’re sulking - I would say you’re rightfully pissed off/annoyed and hurt.

Absolutely. Whats the point with trying to have a conversation with someone who wont converse?

As Shirley Valentine said (yes I have alread referenced her) said "HELLO WALL!!" because with a man like that, you might as well talk to the wall.

Take control of the situation op and show him you won't let him being a dick ruin your time away.

Get a good nights sleep ,get up early and head out as normal

Don't show any sadness or reaction to anything just breezily exit and have an awesome time away

You can deal with him being a twat when you get back and with any luck hel spend the weekend regretting not making the effort to be a grown up

literally this, they're assholes 😡Please try to putit out of your mind until you get back , where it will all be waiting for you.. plus the time apart might be goodfor you both, a bit of cooling off etc

hope you can enjoy yourself

Send him a few pics of you looking very happy and bothered, just to annoy him.

He's a sulky prick that's decided he's going to ruin your weekend. I couldn't be married to someone like that.

Can you give examples of when he talks to you like shit?

You've had a lot of support despite the fact that we can't possibly know who is at fault. Nobody ever thinks it's them do they.

You admit to sulking for several days yet pp are criticising him for sulking now and not wanting to clear the air before your holiday.

Does he have to accept your apology if he isn't ready to? XH used to behave terribly and get annoyed if I wasn't ready to accept his pretend apology when he delivered it.

Either way, he sounds as if he is done with the relationship. It sounds as if you need couples counselling to find your way back to a healthier dynamic if you both want to save the relationship.

Use the time away to reflect on whether this is really what you want, or if it makes you happy, it sounds like a toxic situation - you both sound like you can't communicate or talk to each other, it's not a good relationship

Sulking is never OK.

I understand the frustration, but if you cannot communicate with each other then what’s the point?

Literally what is the point of your relationship? Wouldn’t it just be easier if you had separate places.

Have a great time and deal with him when you get back!

Is he extending his bad behaviour because you are going away? I think I heard wants to make it a horrible experience for you

He's 100% trying to punish you, in some sort of twisted way in his head. He's done it cos he knows how it'll make you feel and ruin your time away! Very selfish and spiteful of him

You’ve chosen to stay in the relationship for a long time, knowing the problems, so inevitably it is continuing to negatively affect other aspects of your life, like this trip.

I 100% agree with this. Please don’t let him ruin your time away. Have a great time. Xx

Sounds like you have big problems in your relationship to be constantly in a cycle of falling out and ignoring the other. That's so toxic. Don't you want to be in a better kind of relationship? Couples counselling might help, or just break up.

How old are the 4 dc?

It’s not okay for them to have to live in such a horrible, toxic environment.

Is he going to be able to look after them with care and compassion whilst you’re away? Otherwise I don’t think they should be left with him. Both of you sound really childish. If things are this bad you have to split up for the children’s sake.

Sounds like he's doing it on purpose to "punish" you for going away. Controlling men do this.

You can either get counselling, put up with it or split. It's not a healthy dynamic but with kids in the mix, I think you need to do something urgently. One of you has to be the adult here and it's clearly not going to be him if he shuts down all communication.