To wish Sir Keir and his wife would not hold hands when working

[BeaQuiet]

They've arrived in Washington DC on official business clutching hands like the Macrons, the Obamas and the Sussexes.

AiBU to find it a bit cringey?

And before anyone asks, yes I do have bigger things to worry about but I fancy a chat.

Did you post about Johnson and his 10 kids to several different women?

That's slightly more "cringey" than Starmer holding hands with his wife, surely?

I assume they're not holding hands during meetings/dinners? It's just optics.

I'd prefer them not to, I must agree OP.

If Victoria Starmer is still employed by the NHS I hope she's not getting extra paid leave because of being PM's wife.

I assume, like other employees, she'd be entitled to unpaid exceptional leave - which this would come under, quite easily.

She couldn’t. Imagine they heyday the world’s press would have if every other leaders’ spouse was there apart from our newly elected PM. I can’t see how sitting on a plane in order to be forced into close proximity with a lot of strangers for a highly regimented hospitality itinerary could possibly be construed as a jolly. It would be most people’s definition of hell.

They're not holding hands while working though are they, or at least she's not. She's not the "first lady", she's not got a job in the government. She's got her own job in the NHS. She's just a woman who's tagged along on a business trip with her husband.

She’s not going to be able to see anything if Washington though, is she? And why assume we are paying for the child care? They’d need security whether she was in London or not.
It’s the sudden flurry of concern about it now it’s a Labour PM that is jarring. It’s always the case for these sort of events.

My mum used to say, couples who act overly affectionate in public constantly are usually trying to hide the fact that there are problems in the marital home.

Is holding hands 'overly affectionate' though. I doubt anyone would find a couple holding hands as being OTT affection!

I've seen couples in their 90s, married for 60+ years, holding hands.

Do you really think that all the thousands of couples around the world who hold hands all have lots of marital problems? More so than those who walk further apart, not holding hands? It would be ridiculous to think that, surely?

My guess here is they really can’t win! If she had stayed at home I bet the OP would have started a thread about that and insinuated something was a miss!

still it shows how desperate people are that the only stick they currently have to beat the new government with is a bit of hand holding - so that’s good

Yes, if she wasn’t there it would be - ‘Is the Starmer marriage in trouble?’ Or ‘How dare she not go when it’s a convention that spouses attend? What will other leaders’ spouses think? What impression does that give of the U.K. on the world stage? Who do they think they are, not doing what everyone else does?’
And if she went but didn’t hold hands people would say they were cold and it wasn’t diplomatically good to appear like that.

Maybe she's feeling a little anxious and her husband holding her hand is reassuring.
I always feel reassured in situations I find difficult when my husband holds my hand.

I agree, and also resent that we've probably paid not only for her jolly, but also for someone to look after the kids and provide security in their parents' absence.

FFS it's hardly a jolly @usernamealreadytaken - she's not going to be off sightseeing or shopping, she will be involved in other, diplomatic-type meetings.

And of course we will be paying for her to be there and for her children to be looked after (although they are teens so won't really need nannying!) because we're talking about the Prime Minister and his family.

Why do you resent that? Did you question who was looking after/paying for Rishi Sunak's children whenever he was away?

I noticed the hand-holding when they were pressing the flesh in Downing Street. It looked odd that they didn't drop hands while they were greeting and hugging other people. So yes, I think their hand-holding is a bit OTT, and is designed to make a statement.

It's bizarre. I can't think of anyone querying the childcare costs of Johnson or Sunak over the last few years. Maybe all these shocked citizens are only paying attention to the news now that the strong and stable Tories are no longer in power.

I agree OP. It’s just unnecessary- but then I get (irrationally) annoyed by people that hold hands in public and block the whole pavement. I mean do you have to cling to your partner the whole time?

At work it’s a big no from me.

I have been to many work functions and jollies with dh (and previous partners) over the years as his other half - and he has been to many related to my work with me

And guess what, on occasion we even held hands (eg if it were a dinner dance, Burns Supper or ceilidh )

It's not as if Keir and his wife were walking around the office or around the West Wing or NATO offices holding hands or sitting in on meetings of national importance cozily entwined

They were <checks notes > walking down the plane's steps after a long haul flight with an awaiting press corps who would've expected them to do so holding hands and who would've wanted such a picture . Questions would've been asked if they hadn't held hands .

The only thing I'm at pure jealousy is that Victoria looked so fresh after a long haul flight but there again, it's easier when you're flying 1st class, can sleep flat and can change out of and back into your pretty flowing dress

PS Actually, I rarely hold hands with dh (married 26 years, together 31) when we're walking but only because we're the same height and he has gorilla arms while I have short arms so it's simply not comfortable . Instead, when we go for walks, I'll link my arm into his - which probably would appear overly proprietorial or clingy to some on here

PPS I didn't (and won't ever) vote for Starmer but some of the manufactured outrage on here is quite gobsmacking.

Does 'everyone' really bring their spouses to NATO summits?

Will the male partners of the female leaders also attend?

@IcedPurple yes some male partners do attend. There is a programme of events for partners exploring the city at most of these summits. I read an article once by a male partner.

I actually agree with you on this. When simply out and about I think it’s fine, but when you’re in a professional capacity (especially when you know you’re being photographed) it seems a bit inappropriate.

I keep trying to picture my manager and his partner holding hands while walking from meeting to meeting 😂 it’s no different really, but would be quite ridiculous and make a lot of people rather uncomfortable.

Yes. And the male partners of male leaders. And the female partners of female leaders. Do you really never watch the news?

It's their debut on the world stage, and speaking as someone whose country they are visiting while doing this hand holding, it's not cringey at all. They are coming across very well.

I agree that she is technically not First Lady. That's because y'all have a monarchy and your "first lady" is the Queen. But she is the spouse of the PM, and it is very appropriate that she is attending this event.

They aren’t walking from meeting to meeting and won’t be going to the same events. They are literally coming down plane steps after arriving. Nobody is ‘at work’ yet. Watch the coverage. I bet at the very least 90% of the leaders hold hands with their spouse at some point.

Every PM takes their partners to these events and so do all the other world leaders.

And has done for decades. None of the other halfs held public appointments but still accompanied them to official events like this.

I believe Denis Thatcher and Mr. May accompanied their spouses on these official visits.

Why does it have to be different for Starmer?

From 2017 reported... UK Prime Minister Theresa May's husband Philip has been at her side for key moments of her premiership

I asked a question, so I'm not sure why you're being so unpleasant.

I don't keep tabs on the trailing spouses at NATO events, no.

Yes and yes.

I think it's lovely, they are obviously very much in love. Why do you reference the Sussexes though, or any of the others for that matter?