DH or me? Not making space for baby

[Moonandstars88]

DH and I need to sort out what will be our LO’s nursery, as they are coming up to the age where we’ll be moving them to their own room. We had not long moved in when I got pregnant so there were some structural things to sort out and we haven’t yet decorated or bought nursery furniture for it. It’s currently just a spare room.

We have had a huge row this evening. The room currently has an old chest of drawers, a sofa bed and a small walk in wardrobe in it. I had thought great, LO has a ready made wardrobe, we can use the same chest of drawers with a lick of paint, fewer ‘new’ things for us to buy. The wardrobe currently is full of DH clothes and random bits, as is the chest of drawers. Not a single thing in there is mine. I expected that we would find other places/storage for that stuff as it’s not anything he uses regularly.

DH announced tonight that he intends to not move a single thing out of the room. He won’t clear any space in the wardrobe. He won’t empty any of the drawers. He refuses to move anything other than the sofa bed. He said we should buy a new standalone wardrobe (!), chest of drawers and cot for LO, insists that it will all fit.

AIBU to feel upset by this? I want LO to have a nice nursery with plenty of space for their clothes, toys etc. I don’t want them to essentially have to share a room with all of their father’s ‘things’, with too much furniture cluttering it up, looking mismatched and awful. It’s not a huge room by any stretch.

DH insists that it’s fine, LO won’t care what the nursery looks like and what things are in there, but it’s not about that though, is it?

We are at a total impasse. He does not see my point of view at all. I just feel really sad, even if this sounds very petty!

AIBU?

Selfish sod. That’s not how kids rooms work.

It’s not petty at all.

It’s not just a nursery
it’s your child’s own room and own space that they will grow up with
They deserve to have it for themselves
Your DH is selfish

He's aware the baby is going to grow and need that space right? Why can't you get some boxes and put stuff in the attic?

He does sound selfish. Does he have adequate storage elsewhere in the house?

He is selfish and sounds like a horrible father tbh.

May as well move it out now as you can't keep it in there forever, the child will need ALL that space in THEIR room eventually.

I'd tell him to sort it now or I'll get it done myself and by that I mean I'll donate it all to the British Heart Foundation.

Useless man.

Can you put some baby stuff and toys into his space so that they're maximally annoying to him? For instance, impacting on wfh space if applicable?

What's his plan when your dc is 14?

I'd put it all in bin bags in the loft and wonder why I was living with such a twat. You and the baby deserve better!

He does sound selfish. This will. be essentially, the child's bedroom.

When does he think it's a reasonable age to move his stuff out?

Are you short of storage somewhere else? I don't think it's that unusual for families to store clothes in each others rooms if that's where the storage is. Your baby is not going to need more than a a chest of drawers for their clothes for quite a few years, so if there's nowhere else for his stuff to go, then he could move his drawer stuff into the wardrobe and let the baby have the drawers, as a compromise.

Where is your stuff and do you have more storage space than he does? If you do, then I would suggest you can move your stuff instead and let him take over that space?

It's a gradual process changing how you organise your home after a child is born. It and may just take him time to get his head around it if he hadn't given it any thought until now.

Plus whilst it's nice if you have the space to have a dedicated nursery, but we had to keep some furniture and clothes in our DDs room until she was about two as we didn't have the space to store it elsewhere until we did big clear out and rearranged things.

I think you are being a bit precious if this is still a 6 month old baby rather than a 4 year old.

Move all the surplus furniture with his clothes in into your bedroom - then he can talk about how big bedrooms are.

Does he understand that this is your child’s bedroom permanently?

On a practical level does he actually need the storage? Does he need an additional wardrobe in your room or in another spare room if you have one? Giving him the benefit if the doubt is he simply seeing it in a very practical sense of where else will his stuff go?

Has he given a reason he won't move his stuff? How long does he think he will leave it in there?

I guess he's right that the baby won't know to start with. But as they get older they will need his stuff out of there so he might as well get it sorted now.

Is this a sympton of what he's like in general about anything to do with the baby? i.e. shes your job and he's a selfish twat?
Box it up in the loft and sort out her room.
Sit down and talk because you need to be clear about expectations.

Why is his stuff in there? What other space did you envisage for his stuff?

At least for the next 1-2yrs LO is not going to care or notice.

We all compromise in our house
Youngest DD has the bigger room, which has old built in wardrobes. Rather than rip them out we put sliding doors on and use them for family storage - winter clothes and the sewing machine etc...all sorts of other stuff. That's the trade off for having the bigger room in a small house.

I think while they are a baby DH is correct. As they get older they will need their own space without his shite in there.

I'd just move it myself. It's the babies room. He has his own bedroom presumably. Do you both have the same storage in your room?

DH insists that it’s fine, LO won’t care what the nursery looks like and what things are in there, but it’s not about that though, is it?

Well, yeah. Assuming your baby is somewhere around 6-12 months, it really doesn't matter if they have mismatched furniture with their father's things. They aren't going to be playing in there for several years.

Your poor kid.

I mean, he's right to a degree. For the first couple of years it's fine, but eventually the room will be the child's room.

We never decorated our babies rooms, and indeed they were the storage rooms until the kids were mobile and able to get out of bed and then we decorated it in whatever theme or colour they were in to.

Seems this way is a reasonable compromise. Don't rush to move his shit out, but plan a date by when they do need to be sorted.

I think you H is just not realising that life has changed and there is another person who will accumulate a lot of stuff in the near future.
Maybe he is also feeling a little jealous and is resisting the changes….

I remember having similar arguments with DH about nursery and then yet another about a playroom when kids were toddlers….

My advice - at this time - dont go all in with this argument. There will be many more where you will not see eye to eye on things parenting related.

For now - start with getting a cot. Maybe an extra (cheep) chest of drawers.

As you LO grows - there will be more and more ‘stuff’. As toys start encroaching on your leaving space - start slowly clearing our the wardrobe and getting rid of ‘bits’ - or quietly relocating them to top shelves and optimising how they are stored.
Eventually you’ll reclaim most of the storage anyway.
And when LO is 4-5 - and that will be around sooner than you think - they’ll need a bigger bed and a desk for school.
I am guessing - your H would eventually see the light.

Are these clothes that your DH wears? If not could you suggest that, at least, he sorts through things he doesn't like or that don't fit?
That might be an opening gambit.