Inheritance argument with DP

[Closie]

I’ll start with some background. DP and I have been together for 14 years, lived together for 10. We were both married before and had a son each from our previous relationships. His son is 28, my son is 27. I got divorced, my ex is alive and involved with DS always has been. DPs wife passed away.

Our current home is the home DP and his wife bought together before their son was born. When his wife died the life insurance paid off what was left of the mortgage, covered his sons uni costs and took them on holidays etc.
When I got divorced we sold our marital home, I saved my half and lived in a rental for 6 years as I couldn’t afford a mortgage alone. The money I saved has since been used for DS’ uni costs and gap year.

DP has decided we need to get our wills in order and a point of contention is the house we currently live in. He believes it should be left to his DS in entirety when we both die, his argument being that it was paid for first by his and his late wife’s hard work, then by his late wife’s life insurance so I haven’t actually contributed anything. I disagree, I’ve lived here for 10 years which has prevented me from having an asset of my own and I’ve contributed to upkeep and repairs. I think at the very least it should be 25/75 though ideally 33/66. We have agreed though that however it is split I should be allowed to continue living here if he were to die first.
He also thinks we should leave everything else we have (life insurance or pensions) to our respective children, I think I’m ok with this.
Now I’m not sure if this is clouding my judgement so I will mention that his
DS has recently inherited from his grandparents on his mother side, a 7 figure sum with which he has bought a house outright. Now I know that technically isn’t relevant but it certainly influences how I feel.

So AIBU to think the house should be split between our children in some way, or is he right?

I'm married. I shall be leaving my 50% of the house (tenants in common) to my child, with hubby having right to live here until death. First husband left me property which I feel the value of should pass to our adult child. The thought that I leave it to husband and he meets somebody else who's kids then get the money down the line is intolerable.
If you want something to happen, be sensible and make sure it does!

Your partner is spot on.

Sorry, I missed that. I don’t think OP is BU to want a discussion about provision in the event of DPs death. But demanding ownership of the house is unreasonable given the history. Same old story, calm thoughtful communication with compromise is what is required. Along with financial planning of which you are both aware of and understand.

What does your DS stand to inherit from his own father?

I think you're DP is totally right. It's like asking you to insist that your ex husband leave something to your DH's son. Whatever him and his deceased wife earnt and saved together is his to do what he wants with and totally logical that it should go to his son.

Even last week one of my friends moved in to her partners house, she has 3 nearly grown up children and my suggestion of her using her savings to buy a buy to let (or something similar) so her kids would always have a home/inheritance was met with a blank face.

It's not too late, start investing/saving and pass it on to your DS one day. And if you are contributing to home improvements, stop.

OP you got together when your son was an adult so he’s never lived there ?! That’s a massive drip feed! You’re totally in the wrong on this. Your son will inherit from your ex and his family surely also???

I would sit down and explain your situation and how you're worried about having a small pension and savings and how you've gone part time to support him

I don't think OP said she went part time to support him?
In any case it would have been a risky thing to do since they're not married, but anyway it sounds like another choice and there's no obligation on the DP to compensate her for that

You are not married and rightly so the house should go to his son as it is his asset.
You have left yourself quite vulnerable. What if you were to split up, you have no financial claim.
You do need advice though. If he intends to allow you to live in the house should he die first, this will create a potential inheritance tax liability on your estate. Even though you wouldn't own the property it would be held in Trust (presumably for his son) as you would be living in the property, the value of the property (even though you would not own it) would be added to your estate for inheritiance tax purposes (it creates an interest in posession trust), along with assets and savings you may have and most likely create an Inheritance tax liability. If you were to marry, this wouldn't be the case. It is a complex area, do take advice.

I’m not sure, he is remarried and has 3 children with his second wife so not a lot I would imagine.

Do you have a pension, OP?

That his son has already inherited is irrelevant, your partner isn’t required to make it ‘fair’ for your son.

He hasn’t prevented you from buying your own home - you chose to move in with him, go part time, and spend your money on other things. That’s on you.

I think you need to start safe guarding your old age immediately.
You literally have no guaranteed roof over your head.
Your home is based on the whim of your dp.

Don't worry about your ds, worry about yourself.

I agree with your DP. It really doesn't matter whether his son has already inherited money; the house belongs to your DP and I can understand why he wants to leave it to his son.

You've had 10 years to plan/improve your finances. It is unfortunate you seem to have coasted a bit, but at least you now know where you stand. I would be doing all I could to improve my financial position and figure out what I would do if, for some reason, your relationship ended and you weren't able to stay in the property any longer.

I think he’s right here. You both just lived in his house without discussing the future. You’d have been better buying a flat to let out that would have mostly paid for itself and been something to leave to your own son in the future.
it’s a bit sad, if your son has lived in the house for a really long time (can’t remember from the first post whether this is true) that he’s not being thought of as almost a son and being left a bit of the house. But sadly I think you’ve set yourself up for this by happily throwing all your eggs into his * *basket when you moved in together.

I think you need to start saving as much as you can right now! Create more of a safe future for yourself and your son. What would happen if you split up now…?

Yes, I’m not worried about my pension as it is a public pension (I work in the civil service).

YOU chose to sell your home. YOU chose to move in. I can see why he wants to leave it to his son - YOU chose to contribute. Not your house originally, shouldn't be yours now.

Increase your own earning power by going F/T, stop contributing towards maintenance and improvements, get your pension sorted.

He’s funded you working part time with no children to care for and he’ll let you stay in a house you haven’t paid towards for the rest of your life. That’s a couple of massive wins. I wouldn’t push it as he’s being extremely reasonable.

Doubt she’s even contributed a lot since it was just decorative and from the “joint income”.

He's right about the house.
Buy a big fat life insurance policy and leave it all to your Ds.

The house is a joint marital asset if your name is on the deed at all. If it is not, then that's for you to negotiate between you.

That aside, the inheritance is 50% yours and you should stake your claim on that.

But still something. Plus he's debt-free following university and had a gap year financed for him. He's in quite a privileged position compared to many.

They’re not married. At least read the OPs updates ffs.

I’m confused by what you meant
Im not married.

Sorry OP, you have benefitted from lifestyle instead of assets. You could have worked full time and saved to have a lump sum now for DS.

Could you go full time now? It's really not unreasonable of your DP to leave this to his son.

I agree with your DP.
If you want to leave your DS an asset (a house) you need to get yourself one.
If it was me I’d be more worried about myself, where will you live if you split up?