Inheritance argument with DP

[Closie]

I’ll start with some background. DP and I have been together for 14 years, lived together for 10. We were both married before and had a son each from our previous relationships. His son is 28, my son is 27. I got divorced, my ex is alive and involved with DS always has been. DPs wife passed away.

Our current home is the home DP and his wife bought together before their son was born. When his wife died the life insurance paid off what was left of the mortgage, covered his sons uni costs and took them on holidays etc.
When I got divorced we sold our marital home, I saved my half and lived in a rental for 6 years as I couldn’t afford a mortgage alone. The money I saved has since been used for DS’ uni costs and gap year.

DP has decided we need to get our wills in order and a point of contention is the house we currently live in. He believes it should be left to his DS in entirety when we both die, his argument being that it was paid for first by his and his late wife’s hard work, then by his late wife’s life insurance so I haven’t actually contributed anything. I disagree, I’ve lived here for 10 years which has prevented me from having an asset of my own and I’ve contributed to upkeep and repairs. I think at the very least it should be 25/75 though ideally 33/66. We have agreed though that however it is split I should be allowed to continue living here if he were to die first.
He also thinks we should leave everything else we have (life insurance or pensions) to our respective children, I think I’m ok with this.
Now I’m not sure if this is clouding my judgement so I will mention that his
DS has recently inherited from his grandparents on his mother side, a 7 figure sum with which he has bought a house outright. Now I know that technically isn’t relevant but it certainly influences how I feel.

So AIBU to think the house should be split between our children in some way, or is he right?

His wife did not buy that house for it to go to someone else's child!

Of course, for some reason I was thinking in terms of divorce. Duh 😧

Is your name on any bills? I was told when I bought my house that if I moved someone in I would need to set up a rent book and not put their name on any bills otherwise they’d be entitled if we split up!

I'm sorry OP but your post is something I have told my husband upfront if I was to pass away, all my assets (including jointly purchases) will go towards our children. I have worked hard for the money and the reason I worked hard is to provide for my family and not my husband's new partner's.

From your post the house was brought by your partner's and his first wife. It was paid off by the first wife's insurance money.

From a financial standpoint your "contribution" towards repairs were paid from a joint account that's for your living expenses. Without a mortgage I assume you don't pay rent and just utilities and upkeep. That's a lot of savings in market value rent if you are single. You also mentioned your partner earns considerably more than you, so indirectly your living standards improved because as you said you could not have afforded a house on your own.

There is nothing here you've said that makes it reasonable for you to have a share of the house. Your son like you said never even lived in the house and you want him on the will? It doesn't matter what your partner's son inherited from the mum's side because it's their family's hard earned money. How would you feel if you were to pass and all your assets are given to your partner's son?

You getting into this relationship and moving in assuming you get a share of the house is really seeking a financial benefit from the relationship. The painting expenses taken from the joint account wouldn't be enough for a deposit for a house on your own so its an excuse saying that held you back. If you were not intending to benefit from your partner and wanted to have a place in case he passes, you would have invested your savings (from not having to pay rent) towards an investment property you can later move into if needed or could go towards your son's inheritance. But you moved in with your partner and also reduced your working hours. All it sounds is that your partner is able to subsidise your living and now you want the house too.

A warning to all mothers to discuss with their partners to ensure their children are protected financially in case this happens.

The basic rules in this sort of situation are that you are not entitled to a share in the house unless you can prove you have contributed towards the mortgage or substantial improvements to the house. These would be an extension, new kitchen, bathroom etc. I assume your name is not on the title deeds therefore you have no legal claim on the property.

A lot of people seem confused by marriage, just because you married doesn't give you entitlement to a house either.

I'm own my house outright in my name as a result of my own inheritance, DH doesn't get it it goes to my kids if I die. He has the right to remain in the house but he can't sell it or give it away to someone else.

Even during divorce courts pretty much always grant the primary carer the home. The primary carer is the person who remains in the home with the majority care of any children.

Given my disabilities that effect my ability to work full time I am a SAHM so always been primary care and as its MY home that only I'm named on that I fully paid for (no mortgage etc...) so I would not be the one moving out either. It would be highly unlikely a court would kick me and the kids out of our security and grant my healthy working full time DH with a 33% share in his parents property MY house or even part of it. At the end of the day the husband/wife's wants or needs always give way to the needs of the children involved and there also a level of just basic logic applied to the general situation.

Its obviously different for OP as there are no young children involved (she didn't quick work to take on a care roll) and the house is a pre-existing assets (likely with an inheritance claim already on it from the dead mother to protect it for her child) but the amount of people that think as soon as you marry everything just magically becomes 50/50 irrespective of situation is insane.

Gold-digging isn't a thing that works, courts see right through it. If you go in with nothing, contribute nothing financially towards the acquirement of assets and are not primary care of any children you are likely to get sweet FA really. We don't do alimony and 'keeping you to the standard you are accustomed' allowing you to quit work and just coast forever for 'housepeople' etc... in the UK.

The uk courts recognise “ dependency” which can be created just by being generous to someone with insufficient assets.

She has done what she thought was just. I did something similar, re deposit on the house I now live in. Later we changed the entire inheritance into a trust. But perhaps I am not invested in the money I brought from the sale of my ex-marital home (or maybe I am and see that as what it is: a clinging to material things after the point material things matter, and also an unworthy action) when my new (late) DH invested in our lives as much as I did and generated what we finally put into trust as much (possibly more) than I did. Marriage is a joint operation. If one chooses not to marry, not to build together but merely to live as if there is no tomorrow for anyone, then the results are likely to be what the OP is whingeing about (and she is whingeing) because she has spent all her money and her DS won't get anything, but her DP has vested his money as did his DS's grandparents, and so his DS gets a lot. Her problem, not her DP's. I don't blame her. Living in the moment is lovely. But it's foolish to complain later that there is nothing left for the future.

Hopefully, he’s thought of divorce too and got all this seen up for his son.

I feel like THEY ARE NOT MARRIED is the new CANCEL THE CHEQUE.

It’s not even as if it’s relevant here.

married, unmarried, it’s his house in his name and he can leave it to his son or the cats’ home.

being married does not give her the right to inherit his assets. If he leaves her a life interest as planned she is housed so would have no dependency claim either.

if your partner does not leave you something in their will, you will not inherit. Regardless of whether you are married.

marriage is only really relevant if you divorce.

@toomanytonotice

if your partner does not leave you something in their will, you will not inherit. Regardless of whether you are married.
Unless otherwise ring fenced, it is generally deemed that married people own half of all assets so a spouse could only leave their share elsewhere. If the house was owned as joint tenants, the surviving spouse would automatically get the other half regardless of what a will stated.

The house should go to your partner's son.
You are saving money by nit having a mortgage (even though you are contributing to bills) and should be putting this money to one side for your son.

I anything, your partner could leave some of his own money to your son. But in my eyes house has to go to the son. And if the boys don't get on, you can be sure that the will splitting the house will be contested.
If you can, start working full time again and saving up x

This is so, which is why, when buying property, you should be joint tenants of the freehold (not tenants in common).
If there is no will the widow/widower gets half the property but the other half goes to other relatives e.g. parents or children, and if there are none of these the state gets it. An incentive to making a will.

The Op doesn't appear to be coming back. I think they have the resounding answer as most people are Team DH.

If you have a terminal illness and you think your fellow joint tenant will be handing your half over to a new woman and her kids in the future, you absolutely should be severing the joint tenancy, and making a will leaving your half to your children direct. In a joint tenancy there is no “half” to leave to your children, and that is a big problem if you have worked hard to ensure your children get an inheritance on your death and don’t trust your partner to abide by your wishes. We have had examples on this thread of children being disinherited of their family home by a step parent following the death of the biological parent, with their home going to the step’s children ultimately. Nigel Slater is one famous example of this happening.

I am sorry OP, sadly I with your DH on this one. I suggest you speak to him about any investment you have made in the property and how you settle this. That being said, him and his exW paid for the house and you have had the benefit of being able to go part time due to the comfortable position it has also put you in. Yes, it is sad that this means your sons inheritance will be very little, but that is as a result of the situation of which you were part, ideally this should have been something you thought about and perhaps made suitable investments to circumvent earlier.

You’ve been living rent free and able as a result - as you saw it - to go down to part time working. That means you’ve actually had quite a big benefit due to being with your partner. (If you were a man people would be calling you a cock lodger and telling your DP to throw you out!) Plus he’s saying he’ll arrange for you to live there the rest of your life free if he dies before you - which means his son may have to wait decades for his inheritance. This is actually pretty generous of your DP.
Essentially, given you can stay there until your death, what you want is for your DP to leave part of his house to your son at the expense of his own child. I don’t see why he should! Inheritance is inherently pretty random. And I bet your DSS would rather have his mum than a legacy, even a seven figure one.

I am in a similar position, my ex and I split up, sold the family home and I bought my house with no mortgage. Fast forward 6 years and my partner has moved in with me and we split the bills, obviously he doesn't contribute towards a mortgage as there isn't one and he has always rented since he split up with his wife. We are getting married next year but I will be writing a will to say he can live here until he dies but the house will then go to my 4 children and not his 2. His ex wife married a millionaire and they have no other children than my step sons so they will probably inherit well there whereas my children will only inherit from me (assuming the house doesn't need to be sold for care costs which is obviously always a possibility) We talked about this when he first moved in and agreed that this would be what we would do unless we purchase a house together at some point and he puts some capital in from his pension.

A life interest in these circumstances is pretty standard and all that it is reasonable for you to expect.

I get that you’ve paid towards the upkeep of the property, but probably less than you were previously paying in rented accommodation.

As an aside, I hope you have a nest egg put aside for a rainy day - you’ll have no rights if the relationship were to end, and working part time increases that vulnerability.

If I was in your shoes, I would use my remaining years as a mother to save as much as I can for my son so that he will has a nest egg. I can't see your partner leaving him an inheritance as he has no loyalty or relation to him. Your partner has been kind to allow you&son to stay rent free. Whatever money you previously spent on rent can be saved for your son. You'd be surprised at what you can save.

Wow. So OP has lived in a house rent and mortgage free for 10 years other than bills and some "decorating". You don't even work full time and spent your equity on a gap year instead of investing it.

Your grown up son has never lived in the house and doesn't even get on with his 'stepbrother', but you think he - a fully grown adult - ought to get a share of said 'stepbrother's' inheritance from his dead mum? Because what? DPs son has so much and your boy has so little? His mum is dead. No money will bring her back. And your son will inherit whatever his own parents have bothered to.save for him. Especially if you've not been paying full rent or mortgage for a decade. Grow up

Sorry, but you are very lucky to have lived there rent-free. I think you come across as ungrateful.

I do think you have benefitted greatly with no rent or mortgage costs and that is strictly because of your DP and his late wife. They have saved you a lot of money over the years.

I also think it's a massive thing that your DP is making sure that you will still have a roof over your head if he were to die first. I believe he is being extremely reasonable and considerate.

May I ask why you would want to have any financial gain from the house?

I'm asking because you will not be homeless, which is the main thing I believe.