Inheritance argument with DP

[Closie]

I’ll start with some background. DP and I have been together for 14 years, lived together for 10. We were both married before and had a son each from our previous relationships. His son is 28, my son is 27. I got divorced, my ex is alive and involved with DS always has been. DPs wife passed away.

Our current home is the home DP and his wife bought together before their son was born. When his wife died the life insurance paid off what was left of the mortgage, covered his sons uni costs and took them on holidays etc.
When I got divorced we sold our marital home, I saved my half and lived in a rental for 6 years as I couldn’t afford a mortgage alone. The money I saved has since been used for DS’ uni costs and gap year.

DP has decided we need to get our wills in order and a point of contention is the house we currently live in. He believes it should be left to his DS in entirety when we both die, his argument being that it was paid for first by his and his late wife’s hard work, then by his late wife’s life insurance so I haven’t actually contributed anything. I disagree, I’ve lived here for 10 years which has prevented me from having an asset of my own and I’ve contributed to upkeep and repairs. I think at the very least it should be 25/75 though ideally 33/66. We have agreed though that however it is split I should be allowed to continue living here if he were to die first.
He also thinks we should leave everything else we have (life insurance or pensions) to our respective children, I think I’m ok with this.
Now I’m not sure if this is clouding my judgement so I will mention that his
DS has recently inherited from his grandparents on his mother side, a 7 figure sum with which he has bought a house outright. Now I know that technically isn’t relevant but it certainly influences how I feel.

So AIBU to think the house should be split between our children in some way, or is he right?

I’ve lived here for 10 years which has prevented me from having an asset of my own and I’ve contributed to upkeep and repairs.

It hasn’t prevented you at all, in fact it would have made it easier. You have been living in a paid off home which would have allowed you to save significantly more than if you were renting or paying a mortgage.

He owned it completely before you even came on the scene. It’s totally logical that it goes to his son.

Paying for general decorating but “nothing major” over a ten year period doesn’t come close to a stake in the home. Your minimal expenses have allowed you to reduce your income to part time. It’s not your partners fault you chose to save no money for your son and reduce your hours rather than add to any savings over the last decade.

His house should be left, in it's entirety, to his child. TBH giving you a lifetime interest in it is, IMO, exceptionally generous of him.

You aren't paying rent, so why not invest the rent money you've saved into a property for you to leave to your son (either a BTL or directly buy a property for your son now).

TBF, you sound jealous of his DS's inheritance

It does make you wonder doesn't it? The very mention of this almost says "Well, his DS has been looked after so now it's the turn of mine", which really isn't the way this works

He owned the house outright when you guys got together, you aren't married and you have no kids together. I know you've paid something towards repairs and decoration but unless it was really significant, I don't think it entitles you to a share of the house (happy to be corrected by legal eagles). Have you been paying some sort of rent? If not, you benefited from having that money spare.

The inheritance to your partner's son is completely irrelevant but I think you know that.

I think yabvu, sorry. He’s right, the house was paid for by his ex wife and himself and so ther child should inherit it solely. It would be extremely unfair any other way. If you had a joint child then Things would be different but you don’t..
you benefitted from living rent free for a decade which is in itself a great thing, everyone has to pay rent or buy a place themselves ! I see you mentioned that you reduced hours and went part time , I presume not having to spend on rent or a mortgage facilitated this, so again , just be grateful for that and the fact he is leaving you a lifetime interest in the place

If you paid half of a big extension you might have some moral claim (probably no legal claim). If you paid half of a few tins of paint then no, you lived there and no doubt wanted the decoration done.

Will you inherit money from your DP or will everything go to his son? I think the house should go to his son, but money in his estate should go to you to keep you comfortable since his son already has inherited a significant amount of money. Always assuming he dies first.

But will any of your estate go to your DP or just to your son? If you died first.

Had it been the other way round and it was your house paid for under the same circumstances would your son be happy to split his inheritance 50/50 with your DSS?

I know someone who had a baby with an absolute waster - they split and she met a new man and had another baby with him (they eventually split too but that's irrelevant really). The second child's paternal family is very, very wealthy - he's the only grandchild, eventually he will inherit BIG whilst his older brother will inherit nothing. Its shit, but it's just how it is.

ah sorry, then ignore. if you were married it would be a different situation entirely.

Your DP is right.
Presumably you’ve been saving money on rent/mortgage by living there. It’s money partly from his mother’s death that bought the house so quite right he should be the beneficiary of the asset. Don’t underestimate what a big deal it is losing your parent, particularly your mother young…

I don’t think you or your son have any real entitlement to a house that was bought by your partner and his wife prior to your involvement. I think your partner is right that it’s an asset he and his wife funded between them, and therefore one which should go to their son when your partner dies. Your ex-husband isn’t expected to contribute to your step son’s inheritance either; that is the equivalent.

If you and your partner have agreed that you should be allowed to continue to live in the house until your death if he dies first this needs to he formalised and you both need independent legal advice before finalising anything.

What I would do if I were you is put the money you’re saving on rent / mortgage into a high interest savings account and let that be your son’s nest egg.

It's not your asset to bequeath to anyone is it?

You're rude.👹

Sorry OP but I agree with your DH also.

Contributing to general decoration is really often just keeping on top of wear and tear. It's not really financially contributing to the asset - which was already bought by him and his ex wife - and it's rare for such costs to be the equivalent of 25%-33% of the house value.

As others have said, you could have carried on working etc to pay for an asset to leave your son if you'd felt strongly about it. Not saying you should have - but I don't think it fair you take a claim a chunk of the house for your son when you didn't pay anything towards it.

How has you living in his house, rent free, stopped you from saving for your own future?

You're not married. It's not right you get half the house. At all.

So you've been living rent free/ mortgage free for 10 years! Oh how I WISH! YABU. You should have enough saved for an investment property!

I think he’s right. You’re not married, so it’s his house.

Interesting all the people saying OP shouldn’t have contributed to the house, living rent free etc. Yet if this were a man living in a woman’s house he’d be being called a cocklodger and be expected to pay rent, bills, upkeep etc. Not go part time and not pay a penny 😂

If you were married then it would be difficult, much more difficult for him to write you out of his will.

As it stands you don't have any rights on his house or who he leaves it.

Does your ds have a father whom they will inherit? Should that be shared 75/25 with your stepson? As thats what you are asking of him for your son

No it wouldn’t. Even if they were married, OP would have entered the marriage with no assets and her partner would have had a mortgage free home due to his late wife’s life insurance. Had they been married, bought another house and her DP hadn’t protected his significantly bigger share, then it would have been different. But if she hadn’t paid for her son’s university fees, gap year, reduced her working hours and enjoyed holidays over the last 10 years the situation would also be completely different.

Sorry but I'd be turning in my grave if even half of a house I had bought was given to some other woman's grown son instead of my own son.

Get your son his own inheritance. Especially as he already has a house himself!!

How much rent was he taking from you that stopped you from buying a place of your own?

If none - then no. Being allowed to live rent free in someone else's house is not a valid reason to claim it from their child to yours. Your son still has a living father - if you have nothing to pass down maybe his father does.

You're not even married! This is a bit gross from you I have to be honest.

Ok, the pension sounds good, then.

Check your pension contributions. There's a pension checker you can go on. Make sure you pay any additional months needed to fill the gaps.

Check out the inheritance tax implications if you stay in the house, and any arrangements for maintaining the property. Could you afford to run it single-handedly if he died tomorrow? Or when you've just retired?

See who he has as beneficiary of his pension, and who is beneficiary of yours.

Do serious financial planning and check what you can do to make yourself and your son more secure, that doesn't require your stepson's house.

His house goes to his son. You didn’t pay for the mortgage and you don’t own it. How dare you try and take it away from his son. Yes you paid some bills but that’s because you moved in doesn’t mean you own it. How utterly selfish of you to try and take it away from him.

OP what are you planning on leaving your DSS when you die?

OP you cannot believe that your son should inherit from your partner. His own father had 3 other children with someone else so he doesn't mind this child will eventually probably only get 1/4 (or less he dies before wife) share of his estate, - unfortunate - but your ex. is the one who should leave your DS any possible inheritance not your partner.