Inheritance argument with DP

[Closie]

I’ll start with some background. DP and I have been together for 14 years, lived together for 10. We were both married before and had a son each from our previous relationships. His son is 28, my son is 27. I got divorced, my ex is alive and involved with DS always has been. DPs wife passed away.

Our current home is the home DP and his wife bought together before their son was born. When his wife died the life insurance paid off what was left of the mortgage, covered his sons uni costs and took them on holidays etc.
When I got divorced we sold our marital home, I saved my half and lived in a rental for 6 years as I couldn’t afford a mortgage alone. The money I saved has since been used for DS’ uni costs and gap year.

DP has decided we need to get our wills in order and a point of contention is the house we currently live in. He believes it should be left to his DS in entirety when we both die, his argument being that it was paid for first by his and his late wife’s hard work, then by his late wife’s life insurance so I haven’t actually contributed anything. I disagree, I’ve lived here for 10 years which has prevented me from having an asset of my own and I’ve contributed to upkeep and repairs. I think at the very least it should be 25/75 though ideally 33/66. We have agreed though that however it is split I should be allowed to continue living here if he were to die first.
He also thinks we should leave everything else we have (life insurance or pensions) to our respective children, I think I’m ok with this.
Now I’m not sure if this is clouding my judgement so I will mention that his
DS has recently inherited from his grandparents on his mother side, a 7 figure sum with which he has bought a house outright. Now I know that technically isn’t relevant but it certainly influences how I feel.

So AIBU to think the house should be split between our children in some way, or is he right?

It’s time to think about your future and increase your income and savings.

Nah

1. You're not married, which would entitle you to some share of what would be joint property
2. You haven't paid any of the mortgage
3. You haven't paid for material upgrades to the property (extension, new kitchen etc)

You have no claim. Instead of frittering your money away on your sons uni costs and gap year you should have put that into a deposit on your own property

Your son should have got a loan and paid for his own gap year.

Do you have a history of poor financial decisions OP? I'm wondering why you haven't built substantial savings from not paying rent for a decade.

This. You want your boyfriend and his dead wife to provide an inheritance for your son? And when you say you want a 33/66% split, have you paid for 33% of the house's value in redecorating over the last ten years? I'm betting not. And household bills do not count.

You have lived rent and mortgage free for 10 years-that is a huge privilege. You could have invested a lot of money in that time-where has that money gone?

And your boyfriend's son could have inherited a billion pounds and it still doesn't make any difference to the situation-it's his inheritance.

So what happens when he dies and you're still living in the house that now is owned by his son. Do you get kicked out? Pay rent? So get nothing despite years of living there and as you say contributing to it's maintenance?

Start saving your money now because you're going to need it if son decides he wants you out.

I think your partner is right, his DS should inherit.

If you've chosen to reduce to part time hours instead of investing in a property etc, then that's fair enough, but you shouldn't expect your partner to be compensating your ds for those decisions.

So it isn't in anyway your son's house or home. It's not your son's stepdad.

It's not in anyway reasonable for him to expect anything from it. Your DP may not have considered all this, or he may have.

Your DS doesn't get a hefty chunk of money because his mum is dating a wealthy bloke, I'm afraid.

I think having a life interest in the house is a pretty good inheritance for you if you outlive your DP. Your son will inherit whatever is in your estate (which will be considerably more than if you had housing costs) and from his own father - does he have a house?

You could have been full-time, saved, invested and built something up for you and your DS. Instead you lived rent free, went part time and didn't save. Your choice. That's why your DS won't inherit. Not because of what your DP is doing.

No you’ve misunderstood, my son hasn’t inherited anything. His son inherited 7 figures from his maternal grandparents.

In one way I agree with you, maybe it was a bit harsh to say "stitched you up" but then again there are an awful lot of property owners who keep schtum and the other part of the relationship gets a nasty shock in the event of a change of circumstances. Hence why so many women end up with zilch when they were under the impression that just by living together and buying some wallpaper, doing the gardening and keeping the house tidy, they've somehow gained financial rights to the asset.

Whether he's of that category or not is for the OP to decide, but the law is definitely on his side much more than on the OPs side, especially as they don't have shared DC. There is no such thing as a "common law marriage", it's a myth.

No, her partners son has.

You're not married and you moved in c.2014 when all children were adults? He's your bf. Nope. If you've spent tons on the house it would be a nice gesture for your boyfriend to give you a stake equivalent to what you've put in. I would probably do this if I was him. But he has no obligation to even do this. It would have been smarter if you'd put your half of your old house into e.g. a one-bedroom uni flat for your son.

You've not future planned 🤷 you're part time on a much lower wage, have spent your £££ on supporting your son instead of saving / investing and have spent 10 years going on holidays and not thinking about this.

It's his parents house, of course it should go to his son imo.

I'm with your DP. His son gets the lot.

I'm very sorry but I'm with your DP on this one. I do appreciate you have earned significantly less, but you could have made an effort to invest and perhaps buy a small flat or something that you rented out and used that as an asset for your DS in the long term. I would feel very differently if you had been paying notable amounts of rent or even if you'd contributed in a meaningful way to the cost of the house in term sof upkeep and repairs. Instead, you used the savings from living rent free to live a nicer, more relaxed life. Which is totally reasonable, but does mean that you do not have any assets.

At this point, in light of the massive disparity in incomes, and depending on howyou currently do finances, the best I think you can hope for is that you immediately cease contributing to any of the upkeep of the house and start trying to save a bit.

Your son shouldn't have the house. Sorry. I agree with your partner. And you made rubbish life choices of not saving and investing when you had the chance for your son. That's on you only. Your DP has no responsibility to your son, especially as the house was maps for by the death of his son's mother.

You're being very grabby.

I agree with your partner as you haven't really contributed to it. You should work out what you have put into upkeep/maintenance and that should go into your 'pot' to pass to your son though.

The money your partners son has inherited is irrelevant here.

I can see this is tough but you should have had this conversation long ago. I also think that your dh should have been more upfront. That doesn’t mean that he’s wrong about prioritising his child.

If I lost my dh there isn’t a cat in hell’s chance that our assets would be going towards someone else’s child. My dh and I have worked hard to build up a good inheritance for them and it will go to them. I would however be honest and upfront with any new partner about this.

Where your dp has been unfair is in allowing you contribute to home improvements and I would have something to say about that. Perhaps you could suggest he reimburses you for any costs to even things out. But you really shouldn’t have been putting your money into a home that you have no claim on because if he refuses you have nowhere to go. I certainly wouldn’t be so keen to contribute the next time.

Being married doesn’t guarantee that a house bought by one party before marriage, registered on the deeds to that party , becomes the property of the other. It doesn’t, unless it is in the Will, or unless the bereaved spouse can make a claim as a dependent. And then it might only be for a life interest… which is what the DP is proposing anyway. That the OP can continue living in the house.

Similar here.

dh moved in with me, my house, my name. I have paid most of the bills.

he has 2 children from his previous marriage, living in the house he bought and paid for with his ex- now solely owned by her. In the SE, so worth over 600k.

i have left my house to my children. He has a life interest and can live in it or anything bought with the proceeds until he remarried, dies or chooses not to.

i’m with your partner. Seems fair as well, you will be housed rent free for the rest of your life, your some has already inherited a life changing amount. It is his house, paid for by him and his ex. It should go to his son.

Your DP has been really generous. You’ve been expected to contribute towards the upkeep of the house (decorating and bills) but been able to live mortgage/rent free. You’ve been allowed to reduce your hours and go on nice holidays. You have a lifetime interest in the property if he were to die before you, so his son can’t inherit that house until you die.

You’ve set your son up by paying his student loans off. He’s in a much better position to save for a deposit and get his own life together. All you can do now is make sure when he lives with a partner, he financially protects himself. Also not let the house fall into disrepair if your partner dies first as some sort revenge to your step son.

Another one with your partner.

Have any of this swayed you at all? Or do you still think your son is entitled to a 25% share?

One point to keep in mind, both boys are likely to be nearing retirement before they inherit anyway so it's not like any inheritance will greatly increase life chances or be house deposits for them etc.

Your DP is absolutely right that the house should go to his DS. You could have saved the money you weren't spending on rent to build up a pot for your son. It's not your DP's fault that you didn't.

You need to have a sit down and talk about your own financial security before you think about any inheritances. A conversation that should have happened before you decided to cohabit without the protection of marriage.

Currently you are a live in partner with few rights, no investments and no savings. You have very naively stuck your head in the sand and put yourself in a very vulnerable financial position. When you decided not to marry you should have agreed legally and dealt with the financial aspects of your relationship, using a solicitor if necessary.

As the current situation agreement stands his and his ex-wifes home should go to his son.