I made a mum friend on maternity leave a few years ago. I’m weeks away from having my second. In the last ten months I went from part time to full time at work and I no longer have much free time to see this other mum. I work compressed hours over 4 days. This only leaves me with a few hours on a night to make tea and spend time with my little one. On my one weekday off I like to spend the quality time with my child and not be distracted with play dates as they’re at nursery the rest of the week.
She calls me and doesn’t get off the phone for at least an hour and it’s usually just talking about other people she knows in life that I don’t know or care to hear about. I never answer to her when I’m with LO. She’d ring whilst I’m at work and I’ve made the mistake of answering a few times, then I fall behind at work! The more I try and distance myself the more she messages and calls. I’m really trying to pull away from this relationship as it’s causing me stress, I don’t have the time I used to and I’m trying to prepare for my second.
If I don’t reply to her text she will Facebook message, Snapchat, WhatsApp, and/or call many times and then send voice notes saying it was an accident. Then she’ll send really long voice notes that vary between 5-20 minutes long! She messages every time she goes to the shops (sometimes daily) to ask if I need anything getting and dropping off even though I’ve told her each time, no thanks I have a car and two legs, if I need anything I will go and get it myself. I’m not on my own and I’m not struggling and after telling her no thanks again and again it really wears thin.
I don’t want to block her, she’s a lovely person or was before this, but obviously lonely as her husband works late most days but it’s just too much for me. I go on maternity leave in a few weeks and she works term time only and thinks we’ll be meeting up all the time! (We won’t.) I used to really enjoy her company but this is too much now and it’s really put me off wanting to be her friend. She has turned up at my house a few times after I’ve said I’m busy to ‘drop things off’ (that I haven’t asked for or needed) but ends up keeping me on the doorstep for ages. She messages at least 2-3 times a day on different apps and I very rarely reply.
What would you do? A few months ago I’d had enough after receiving a really long voice note where she’s almost in tears saying if I don’t want to be friends anymore then that’s fine as I’d stop replying to her constantly. I sent her a message saying sorry, I have a lot on and just don’t have the time right now to invest in this friendship. After that I received a 10 minute long voice note saying she understands in one breath then the next 9 and a half minutes was trying to have a catch up. I’ve stopped listening to the voice notes now too as they take up too much time.
I really don’t know what else to do. Am I being unreasonable here to want to cut her off or is this really odd behaviour? Has anyone else experienced similar and if so how did you handle it?