To not look at this couple in the same way anymore?

[AvrilAprill]

At the end of last year I made friends with a mum who’d just moved to the area. We got on great, as did our partners.

However, I’ve now found out that they first got together when she was 16 and he was 20/21. It genuinely makes me feel uncomfortable knowing that, and my husband says I’m being weird

Nothing wrong with that at all.

What about a married 16 year old? Still ick for them to have sex?

19 is still a teenager
20 a MAN

might be that 😂It all magically change at midnight on their birthday

Well mine was actually the same age as me, didn't like older guys hitting on me, just seemed rather creepy. And working with people who had been in situations just confirmed my beliefs really.

Did you know that at 16 years old our brain are still developing? It's fascinating the differences between the ages and what progress our brains make. There's quite a difference between 16 and 20 years old

How old are they? If they’re 35+, I’d say it was somewhat more accepted then.

According to many people on here brains are still developing until you are 25. So by that standard it's wrong for a 24 year old to be with a 28 year old

And if you want to go on about different stages in life. Why does a 17 year old living independently and working have less life experience than a 20 year old still living with parents and at college

@AvrilAprill I feel like I need to reply to this thread because it’s relevant to me! You have no idea of the circumstances that they met! I met my partner of 15 years (and counting) when I was 16 and he was 23.. in work. I was working, he was working. I was and still remain very ‘old headed’ and have always looked a lot older, my partner is a very tame, shy young looking man who doesn’t drink or smoke or anything really! My parents were wary until they met him.. and he had the piss taken out of him by his friends but we just met in work started chatting in the break room and I met up with him before work one day and it went from there! Had I have met him at 14 then yes, inappropriate. But how can you say without knowledge of how they even met that it was inappropriate when you can work at 16 and for all you know that’s how they met! So yes plenty of 16 year olds do come across (‘hang around’) people in there early 20’s because plenty of 16 year olds can go to work!!! I met boys who were 15/16 when I was 14 who acted inappropriately towards me but my partner never has just because there’s an age gap! I think it’s creepy that you’ve thought so in depth about it to be honest!

That's correct! So imagine the difference at 16 compared to 20 years old aye! There's no way they are on the same level.

We aren't talking about life experiences here though are we? We are talking about brain development, certain pathways being formed at different ages. Life experience does not equal maturity I'm afraid... we see it all the time.

And then 24 and 28 aren't on the same level either! Bloody ridiculous so until you are over 25 you must stick to shagging someone within an 18 month age gap.

Cant you see how that sounds?

yeah like He Man when he picks up the magic sword on his birthday

No, you are taking one thing and turning it into another.

There's a stark difference in your 20's.

16 years old is still pretty young in brain terms, when we hit our twenties it's finishing off, so your examples don't really make sense.

I realise due to your personal circumstance this is a rather sensitive topic, however, 16 years old is still a child whichever way we look at it, and there's people who don't agree with grown adults dating children. We are entitled to think it's inappropriate and creepy

I don't feel the need to justify my opinion.

I was 16 when I met DH who was 20 and I was by far the more mature out of the 2 of us with more life experience. We are now nearly 20 years down the line and i'm still the more mature one 🤣. There was no chasing. We met, we got on, had things in common and developed a relationship.

Saying that if any of my DC came home with that age gap I would have concerns yet I can't really articulate why.

I'd love to read the input from Uni lecturers and their opinion on how 20 year old boys can ALL be described as "grown-up adults" 😂

Indeed they were - that was my reply to a PP's response to somebody telling of a couple they knew who got together at 16 and 47.

But as well as that specific mention, it's surely only the logical conclusion for all the people on here saying "16 is over the age of consent; lots of 16yo girls are very mature; some 16yos are adults and already have loads of adult life experiences; it's none of your business, keep your nose out."

Wtf has uni lecturers got to do with anything?

Gawd type some sense will you. Nonsensical comments without any substance.

not really, because we are talking in the context of that 4 year gap, at that age. Context matters.

Same as me and my dh. We have been together for about 17 years now, have 4 kids and own businesses together.

Don't judge unless you know the circumstances

It’s none of your business? My husband is 17 years older than me , got together when I was 36 and we’re still together 14 years on .

I was 17 when I went out with my first bf and he was 29. We only split due to me leaving the country.

Age really doesn’t matter , and she was 16.

Im surprised at the responses tbh. If my school aged daughter started seeing a 20 year old I'd be very concerned! 4yrs is nothing when you're both adults but its completely different when one is a child and the other is 20!! But if they're still together and an obvious power balance hasn't persisted I prob wouldn't dwell on it in your specific situation, but yea......not really ok.

But the responses are to the op being horrified at a couple with kids having been those ages god knows how many years ago.

A 16 year old can:
Drink with a meal
Get married in Scotland (and until 2 years ago, the rest of the UK)
Join the army
Legally have sex
Could vote in the Scottish Referendum and discussions are being had about them being able to vote in all elections
Give medical consent (the NHS refers to 16 and 17 year olds as young people not children)
Until recently buy lottery tickets
Work
Not be in school

16 and 17 are weird ages where you no longer feel like a child and can do a lot of things an adult can but you also aren't legally an adult. Nothing miraculously changes in your brain the day you turn 18 but suddenly you're now "an adult" and everything is apparently different

We know that, person. We also know that you can legally consent to sex, so I don't see the problem with dating someone who is 20.

We know the brain is still developing at 16 and that many 16 year olds won't have a great deal of life experience - however, they're still able to consent to sexual activity. There has to be a point when the state stops interfering with what someone chooses to do with their own body. In this country that age is 16. If a 16 year old wants to have sex they can and it's nobody else's business.

the idea that 25 year olds shouldn’t have boyfriends because their brain doesn’t stop developing is wild. They can go to uni, have a career etc…
I actually think there’s more to this take, a subconscious desire to leverage control over the choices of other young women.

I have a 16 year old daughter and would be suspicious if she brought home a 20 year old boyfriend.

However, a friend from uni started going out with her then boyfriend when she was 16 and he was 20 and it didn't seem strange (they were 19 and 23 when I first knew them). They are still together 30 years later. Likewise it was the same age gap between my maternal grandparents and they were happily married.

It certainly wouldn't make me think less of an adult couple still together years later.